.... young expermineting perfection seekers who do not collect worldly good but as many experiances as possible.
I read an article about the above section of society, a bunch of people who choose not to run the rat race, but rather travel and do random jobs in different destinations in order to seek out that "thing" which will make their life.
Some of the stories were depressing to say the least; people who for example, DJ in all the best places all over the world til they are forty. They then get scared, come home only to find they have no property, career and a mountain of debt..... and end their life wondering where it went.
The article was defo written as a warning to those contemplating finding "happiness/ success" outside of the normal framework of house, job, family....
As i started to read the article i identified strongly with the yeppie group - mainly because i am not too fussed by belongings and don't ness suit a 9 - 5.
The yeppies are onto something - because happiness is not found in the normal patterns of the world. This is obvious from the sheer number of people on anti-depressants at the mo. Something has been missed out somewhere.
But as i read on i was struck by the equally empty yeppie lives. They went from one destination/relationship/job to another in fear that they were possibly missing the best that was out there, during which time the best of life just passed them by as they were enslaved by fear.
I was briefly scared that my life would end up like that, with people shaking their heads at me wondering where it had all been wasted. But then I realised you can be in any lifestyle and be desperately unhappy or looking for something yet still enslaved by fear (of missing out or stepping out).
Its not about what we do, because clearly you can be happy with a job, house and car, or fishing off the coast of brazil. But it is about knowing who we are, and where we belong. Then there is peace and assurance to step out or remain still, knowing that some parts of who you are, the important bits, are unchangable and secure.
At which point there is freedom to 'love God and do what you want' (st Augustine of Hippo), knowing that by loving Him, His Kingdom will come.
Nice.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Home, unexpectedly
Just got back from a week up north, in Shetland, my childhood home. I was at a conference ( not my normal style but still....)and met lots of really fun people who are as bonkers as me. Its always fun to find comrades in this journey of ours!
Being back there though was a bit weird, as its the first time I have been back and walking with God..... and boy did He have lots to say on the matter! But it was all good, and it was a pleasure to find that actually a bit of me does come from Shetland. You can't spend 8 years in a place and not be impacted by it! So finding that part of me and claiming it back, rather than denying it and resisting it was defo the biggest battle.
But once I had it sorted, things in me just seemed to make much more sense, both the good and the bad. I guess now is a journey of putting down the bad stuff and wiping clean the good.
What i had not expected however, was for Shetland to be added to the equation which is my future. Suddenly I had another unknown constant to take into account... not in a complicated way, just a little surpirsed! It defo did feel more like home by the end of the week, which is good considering i think i will be up there again.
The future, however close, remains strictly off limits for me and God at the mo.... a new juoorney of trust i guess. Blind until He lets it be otherwise. But I am enjoying my response to that - not total panic, but a supernatural peace.
That seems to be a theme with me and God at the moment; me being surprised by my response to new situations, where 2 years ago it would have been quite diferent. Clearly not a wasted time after all!!
So I am looking forward to the next two years being even more bonkers than the last two - bring it on!!!
Being back there though was a bit weird, as its the first time I have been back and walking with God..... and boy did He have lots to say on the matter! But it was all good, and it was a pleasure to find that actually a bit of me does come from Shetland. You can't spend 8 years in a place and not be impacted by it! So finding that part of me and claiming it back, rather than denying it and resisting it was defo the biggest battle.
But once I had it sorted, things in me just seemed to make much more sense, both the good and the bad. I guess now is a journey of putting down the bad stuff and wiping clean the good.
What i had not expected however, was for Shetland to be added to the equation which is my future. Suddenly I had another unknown constant to take into account... not in a complicated way, just a little surpirsed! It defo did feel more like home by the end of the week, which is good considering i think i will be up there again.
The future, however close, remains strictly off limits for me and God at the mo.... a new juoorney of trust i guess. Blind until He lets it be otherwise. But I am enjoying my response to that - not total panic, but a supernatural peace.
That seems to be a theme with me and God at the moment; me being surprised by my response to new situations, where 2 years ago it would have been quite diferent. Clearly not a wasted time after all!!
So I am looking forward to the next two years being even more bonkers than the last two - bring it on!!!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
oh bobbins..... time flies while checking the email!
Oh well, it is saturday after all!
So was in london again this week, rather unexpectedly, but it was good - was there just to love a friend. Realised that that is what i want my life to be about - loving people further than is normal/expected/polite or whatever haha..... it fun. hard sometimes but really fun mostly.
After london came a nasty bout of food poisoning and a day in bed, but now i am back full spring!! I am trying to get my head around all this travelling because this tuesday I am off to the shetlands, just about as far as you can go and still be in britain. I grew up there for 8 years, so it will be strange to go back, but good... returning to roots.
I am being really challenged recently by friends who look at the world with a decreasing number of barriers, in terms of boarders or restrictions to crossing each and every one. So now i am trying to look bigger than i have before, and do it in faith so that it becomes a reality and my norm. If I have such a big God why should i limit the way i see him!!!!
So places i would love to see in the next 12 months include - Israel and Canada..... maybe even brazil and another corner of africa.....
But then again i don't want to limit Him by my list - but i guess i have to start somewhere.
For now though, I will just catch a v little plane (a shoe box with wings!!) to shetland, and see where the path goes from there.
Oh well, it is saturday after all!
So was in london again this week, rather unexpectedly, but it was good - was there just to love a friend. Realised that that is what i want my life to be about - loving people further than is normal/expected/polite or whatever haha..... it fun. hard sometimes but really fun mostly.
After london came a nasty bout of food poisoning and a day in bed, but now i am back full spring!! I am trying to get my head around all this travelling because this tuesday I am off to the shetlands, just about as far as you can go and still be in britain. I grew up there for 8 years, so it will be strange to go back, but good... returning to roots.
I am being really challenged recently by friends who look at the world with a decreasing number of barriers, in terms of boarders or restrictions to crossing each and every one. So now i am trying to look bigger than i have before, and do it in faith so that it becomes a reality and my norm. If I have such a big God why should i limit the way i see him!!!!
So places i would love to see in the next 12 months include - Israel and Canada..... maybe even brazil and another corner of africa.....
But then again i don't want to limit Him by my list - but i guess i have to start somewhere.
For now though, I will just catch a v little plane (a shoe box with wings!!) to shetland, and see where the path goes from there.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
All change
so its been about a month since my last blog and it seems like so much has changed since then.
I spent 10 days in the highlands of scotland, doing some prayer work stuff with an amainzing team of people. It was lots of fun and felt like being with family. I am really looking forward to journeying with those guys some more....
London was bombed - was awful. Didn't kow what to do or say..... and then it happened again today. Suddenly so many people's everyday reality finds its way onto our streets. You would think that such a visible sign to the nation would raise questions as to why it happened, that we would be looking for answers in order to prevent it happening again. Like the link with Iraq perhaps....
but instead we just carry on, with our foreheads of flint pushing on through.
There is so much to this that confuses me, and yet it is simple in so many ways.
So, i feel like i have turned a corner with the global team etc, but it seems like the nation is turning a corner to. I only hope we respond to it with honesty, humility and love......
I spent 10 days in the highlands of scotland, doing some prayer work stuff with an amainzing team of people. It was lots of fun and felt like being with family. I am really looking forward to journeying with those guys some more....
London was bombed - was awful. Didn't kow what to do or say..... and then it happened again today. Suddenly so many people's everyday reality finds its way onto our streets. You would think that such a visible sign to the nation would raise questions as to why it happened, that we would be looking for answers in order to prevent it happening again. Like the link with Iraq perhaps....
but instead we just carry on, with our foreheads of flint pushing on through.
There is so much to this that confuses me, and yet it is simple in so many ways.
So, i feel like i have turned a corner with the global team etc, but it seems like the nation is turning a corner to. I only hope we respond to it with honesty, humility and love......
Monday, June 27, 2005
techno bits
ok, for those of you who say my friends links to the right dont work, i just tried them all. they seem fine to me......
computers - i really don't get them. Was thinking of setting up an internet bank account until i realised it would involve computers.... oh dear.
Had a fab weekend, alughed lots and just had plain old fun with friends.
Off to scotland this week, i can't wait. It has been far too long. I really miss it, so much a good bagpiper can cause me to get weepy on market street - how soft am I!!!
oh and i found another amazing site re a woman who set up a charity looking after the rights of civialians in war zones, and holding governments (namely america) accountable. It sounds great, but she was unfortunately killed in Iraq in April, only 26. Brave and sensitive - a good combo.
www.civicworldwide.org
gutsy in a whole other way.....
computers - i really don't get them. Was thinking of setting up an internet bank account until i realised it would involve computers.... oh dear.
Had a fab weekend, alughed lots and just had plain old fun with friends.
Off to scotland this week, i can't wait. It has been far too long. I really miss it, so much a good bagpiper can cause me to get weepy on market street - how soft am I!!!
oh and i found another amazing site re a woman who set up a charity looking after the rights of civialians in war zones, and holding governments (namely america) accountable. It sounds great, but she was unfortunately killed in Iraq in April, only 26. Brave and sensitive - a good combo.
www.civicworldwide.org
gutsy in a whole other way.....
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
riverbend blog
for those of you interested in world stuff and Iraq have a look at
http://riverbendblog.blogger.com
its amazing. written by a woman inside occupied iraq. the life and struggles of the normal people.
that is what a blog is for.......
she will now become a permenant feature in my links to the right because she deserves to be heard above the roar of propoganda.
xx
http://riverbendblog.blogger.com
its amazing. written by a woman inside occupied iraq. the life and struggles of the normal people.
that is what a blog is for.......
she will now become a permenant feature in my links to the right because she deserves to be heard above the roar of propoganda.
xx
chilling
current occupation - mostly chilling before work starts again.
The tricky things about blogs is that everytime i write one, I always rewrite it about 3 times before i get annoyed at myself and press 'publish'. (this is the second draft so far.)
I always begin with a normally rather mundane - this is what i am doing thing- followed by random thoughts. This is fine, esp for anyone who lives far away and doesn't know what i'm upto. But is it what this is for, for me?? Dunno?
I think that in the next few months quite a few things in my life, like geography, are going to be changing, so communication is going to become more important. But what is it that I want to communicate - why on earth am i sitting here at 11pm typing away?
I think there is something of this journey and adventure that i want to share with whoever reads this, mainly because its great to be on, and great to share stories, as my friend Emma c has taught me. So perhaps this is just a bit of a story board, where a random selection of scences from my life pass, in the hope that something funny, or true or lovely will strike the reader as they pause here in their day. who knows...... perhaps its just a little rectangle of verbal processing space for me.
Either way, as i am currently learning, it probably doesn't matter a great deal.....
So stories (or random bits of information)
I am currently living by the motto : He loves me, so chill out. I realised that often my response to life was one of nerves and worry, mainly because i did not know with all certainty that God loved me. (I know the books say he does, but this was something else, deeper). Now however I am beginning to realise that He does, totally, with out escape. Therefore whatever i do or wherever i go, He is still there, still loving......
that kind of blew my mind. And totally released me in an unexpected way.... to fully embrace life and Love, a slightly more prickly subject in my book.
So far, I am enjoying the consequences.
For example; I am finding that I love music and dancing to it. I recently acquired a small electric-blue music playing object (its v cute!), and have loved listening to new music. What has surprised me though is how much i enjoy and want to dance.... most of the time. Those of you who know me well, know that i am NOT a good dancer by any streach of the imagination, but i feel inspired to learn!!!! and i love the fact that i can
So life seems to be taking on a fuller, more colourful version. There are definately some big changes afoot - but at the mo i just can't quite pin them down. But the small changes are doing just fine for now.
The tricky things about blogs is that everytime i write one, I always rewrite it about 3 times before i get annoyed at myself and press 'publish'. (this is the second draft so far.)
I always begin with a normally rather mundane - this is what i am doing thing- followed by random thoughts. This is fine, esp for anyone who lives far away and doesn't know what i'm upto. But is it what this is for, for me?? Dunno?
I think that in the next few months quite a few things in my life, like geography, are going to be changing, so communication is going to become more important. But what is it that I want to communicate - why on earth am i sitting here at 11pm typing away?
I think there is something of this journey and adventure that i want to share with whoever reads this, mainly because its great to be on, and great to share stories, as my friend Emma c has taught me. So perhaps this is just a bit of a story board, where a random selection of scences from my life pass, in the hope that something funny, or true or lovely will strike the reader as they pause here in their day. who knows...... perhaps its just a little rectangle of verbal processing space for me.
Either way, as i am currently learning, it probably doesn't matter a great deal.....
So stories (or random bits of information)
I am currently living by the motto : He loves me, so chill out. I realised that often my response to life was one of nerves and worry, mainly because i did not know with all certainty that God loved me. (I know the books say he does, but this was something else, deeper). Now however I am beginning to realise that He does, totally, with out escape. Therefore whatever i do or wherever i go, He is still there, still loving......
that kind of blew my mind. And totally released me in an unexpected way.... to fully embrace life and Love, a slightly more prickly subject in my book.
So far, I am enjoying the consequences.
For example; I am finding that I love music and dancing to it. I recently acquired a small electric-blue music playing object (its v cute!), and have loved listening to new music. What has surprised me though is how much i enjoy and want to dance.... most of the time. Those of you who know me well, know that i am NOT a good dancer by any streach of the imagination, but i feel inspired to learn!!!! and i love the fact that i can
So life seems to be taking on a fuller, more colourful version. There are definately some big changes afoot - but at the mo i just can't quite pin them down. But the small changes are doing just fine for now.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Only the Brits...
Oh the sun - how i had forgotten how much i enjoy having a tan!!
Am in egypt with the parents. Flew in and then that night went to a ball, by the pyramids!!!! It was great fun, the views were great, although it did feel a bit weird, as someone pointed out, to dance on other peoples graves!
Cairo is currently having a heat wave, so i have a slightly pink shoulder (only on one side as i forgot that the sun moved, so i forgot to move with it!! Doh!). But I am enjoying being tanned, and being in this city. Everytime I come I see more of the poverty, but at the same time more of the beauty. Between the nile (the city) and the pyramids there are rough brick houses and piles of rubbish with kids playing on them, right next to the lushest, greenest fields.
Yesterday I was eating scrummy egyptian food on the edge of the nile while this family went past in this little row boat. The children were beautiful and the wife had amazing eyes, yet they floated past in this tiny boat wearing rags, and there was I eating scrummy food.
It just didn't sit right with me, especailly in this place of "empire". Like Oria, I really feel like something is being stirred in me re justice, the poor and what on earth am I doing about it!!!!!
A good but uncomfortable place to be.
Am in egypt with the parents. Flew in and then that night went to a ball, by the pyramids!!!! It was great fun, the views were great, although it did feel a bit weird, as someone pointed out, to dance on other peoples graves!
Cairo is currently having a heat wave, so i have a slightly pink shoulder (only on one side as i forgot that the sun moved, so i forgot to move with it!! Doh!). But I am enjoying being tanned, and being in this city. Everytime I come I see more of the poverty, but at the same time more of the beauty. Between the nile (the city) and the pyramids there are rough brick houses and piles of rubbish with kids playing on them, right next to the lushest, greenest fields.
Yesterday I was eating scrummy egyptian food on the edge of the nile while this family went past in this little row boat. The children were beautiful and the wife had amazing eyes, yet they floated past in this tiny boat wearing rags, and there was I eating scrummy food.
It just didn't sit right with me, especailly in this place of "empire". Like Oria, I really feel like something is being stirred in me re justice, the poor and what on earth am I doing about it!!!!!
A good but uncomfortable place to be.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Wales
is mostly green and welsh. I loved the freshness in the colour, came as a real surprise after the grey of manchester. But i really could not get to grips with the lingo. It sounds amazing though...
Just come back from a bit of time with t and a, much fun and enjoyed the head space. It was just really easy to sit and listen there....
Am now back in Manchester, where it is really busy in town (really got me earlier....) . A man was playing the bag pipes really well in town today (not normal this far south of the border) and suddenly i was all teary eyed for Scotland. It has been a very long time since I'v been back, and i miss it much more than i realised.
Other than that life is unpredictable at best, but the sun is around more and the days are longer, so things must be looking up. bring on the flip flops and sunnies I say!!!
Just come back from a bit of time with t and a, much fun and enjoyed the head space. It was just really easy to sit and listen there....
Am now back in Manchester, where it is really busy in town (really got me earlier....) . A man was playing the bag pipes really well in town today (not normal this far south of the border) and suddenly i was all teary eyed for Scotland. It has been a very long time since I'v been back, and i miss it much more than i realised.
Other than that life is unpredictable at best, but the sun is around more and the days are longer, so things must be looking up. bring on the flip flops and sunnies I say!!!
Thursday, April 21, 2005
I played squash last night for the first time in years. It was a lot of fun, although i admit to having pulled muscles in my bum, which makes sitting fun for everyone else but me - they get to laugh at the face i pull!!! But saying that it was good to have a made dash through the court with Sophie - who i hit twice (!!) with the ball. Having only known her for half an hour, this was not the best basis for a friendship. But next week we signed up for it again, only then i will be sufficently stretched out.
Currently job hunting and trying to sort out my CV. So very boring, but needs doing. Boo. But this weekend am off to a concert with my siblings and then Wales to chill with the pinees...
no time left xx
Currently job hunting and trying to sort out my CV. So very boring, but needs doing. Boo. But this weekend am off to a concert with my siblings and then Wales to chill with the pinees...
no time left xx
Saturday, April 09, 2005
all change
yesterday as i typed i was still every much waiting for something to move, esp in terms of money. So imagine my surprise when getting home i recieve an anonymous, and certainly not insignificant contribution to my bank account.
After 3 months of praying like crazy, really wanting god to be the God that i think he should be, but we rarely let him be over here in the west, He does it, beautifully, simply. He is becoming that BIG God that i long to see operating over here. So letting go of everything but holding onto Him, maybe just makes space for Him to be that - Creator and Lord. I just need to make more space for him.
So now I'm in london, drinking smoothie and loving it. This city has a great vibe, esp the free internet in snow and rock. sorry that you're not here G. But the miffins are good, will have one for you.
I am really wanting the unpredictable now though, however crazy it might be, it feels like an amazing way to live. Not to let go of responsibilities, or not live in the real world - but rather see them from a different perspective and learn to live a full life from that. It feels really exciting to finally be stepping a little closer to that, after learning to let go of those mental chains that stopped me before.
so where now - who knows, but thats the bit I am loving.
After 3 months of praying like crazy, really wanting god to be the God that i think he should be, but we rarely let him be over here in the west, He does it, beautifully, simply. He is becoming that BIG God that i long to see operating over here. So letting go of everything but holding onto Him, maybe just makes space for Him to be that - Creator and Lord. I just need to make more space for him.
So now I'm in london, drinking smoothie and loving it. This city has a great vibe, esp the free internet in snow and rock. sorry that you're not here G. But the miffins are good, will have one for you.
I am really wanting the unpredictable now though, however crazy it might be, it feels like an amazing way to live. Not to let go of responsibilities, or not live in the real world - but rather see them from a different perspective and learn to live a full life from that. It feels really exciting to finally be stepping a little closer to that, after learning to let go of those mental chains that stopped me before.
so where now - who knows, but thats the bit I am loving.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Uncertain
I have just re-read my last blog. It was a little obscure to say the least, sorry about that. But I just write what I'm thinking sometimes, and that is not always a lot!!
" Gracious uncertainty - to be certain of God means we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow will bring... it should be an expression of breathless expectation." Oswald Chambers.
I know that I have been learning to let go of all of my expectations and ideas but not in a hopeless way. With me it is the way that God wants to make space in order to bring about His bigger and better plans. It just means that can often be found wandering around not entirely sure what is going on. If you find me like this, don't be overly conerned, Im not dangerous!
So, Easter (and any other dates that I had hoped might be significant....) has passed, and I am still here. But that is ok. It feels like the pace of life has begun to pick up and that there is focus coming. Next week I am off to the south coast and then to wales. From there who knows....
I know that I have finished the waiting (horah!) and so now its just a case of walking the path in front and seeing that appears. But as you might have guessed, I am not entirely sure what that might be. I have tried to work it out. But He is not letting on, but thats the point. If I knew then I would know.... therein lies the problem. He is God, I am not.
So this is a walk, one step at a time..... but imagine where I might end up!!!
" Gracious uncertainty - to be certain of God means we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow will bring... it should be an expression of breathless expectation." Oswald Chambers.
I know that I have been learning to let go of all of my expectations and ideas but not in a hopeless way. With me it is the way that God wants to make space in order to bring about His bigger and better plans. It just means that can often be found wandering around not entirely sure what is going on. If you find me like this, don't be overly conerned, Im not dangerous!
So, Easter (and any other dates that I had hoped might be significant....) has passed, and I am still here. But that is ok. It feels like the pace of life has begun to pick up and that there is focus coming. Next week I am off to the south coast and then to wales. From there who knows....
I know that I have finished the waiting (horah!) and so now its just a case of walking the path in front and seeing that appears. But as you might have guessed, I am not entirely sure what that might be. I have tried to work it out. But He is not letting on, but thats the point. If I knew then I would know.... therein lies the problem. He is God, I am not.
So this is a walk, one step at a time..... but imagine where I might end up!!!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
where i am, sitting
so, i know it has been a while but been somewhat laking in anything to say. My life at the mo - mainly just waiting. Literally, just sitting and waiting, hoping and dreaming. But when it feels like there are no boundaries, (a good thing i know), it leaves me a little stuck of where to begin. But I have started, and looked in different directions, but still not found "it", that thing that makes me tick, and come alive. That thing which will keep me up with mad ideas and excitment, that thing that i grab hold of and run with as far as i can as best as i can.
I don't even know if that is what I mean or what I am waiting for, but I think so. Destiny, the reason I am me. I know that it is about worshipping Him and loving Him, with all my talents and mess ups which means I will do it in a way that only I can......
Perhaps if I just keep on walking I will find myself on the path, doing the 'thing'. I am already. He has got it covered....
In the meantime however I am realising that Home is where you make it. Recently I have been very good at not making it where it needs to be. Life is easier when people aren't asking tricky questions, but that doesn't make it better. So I am learning to love the places that are a little uncomfortable, yet entirely filled with Love. I am enjoying the challenge of forcing myself out of the shell I have made, and being surprised that there is more of me to be found outside of it. I am enjoying the deepening friendships and other bits of me which are not what I thought they should be - so a life giving and releasing shock to the system.
Looking forward to Easter and everything that comes after it - hopefully a lot of resurrection life!!!! some feasting!! and a few giggles .....
I don't even know if that is what I mean or what I am waiting for, but I think so. Destiny, the reason I am me. I know that it is about worshipping Him and loving Him, with all my talents and mess ups which means I will do it in a way that only I can......
Perhaps if I just keep on walking I will find myself on the path, doing the 'thing'. I am already. He has got it covered....
In the meantime however I am realising that Home is where you make it. Recently I have been very good at not making it where it needs to be. Life is easier when people aren't asking tricky questions, but that doesn't make it better. So I am learning to love the places that are a little uncomfortable, yet entirely filled with Love. I am enjoying the challenge of forcing myself out of the shell I have made, and being surprised that there is more of me to be found outside of it. I am enjoying the deepening friendships and other bits of me which are not what I thought they should be - so a life giving and releasing shock to the system.
Looking forward to Easter and everything that comes after it - hopefully a lot of resurrection life!!!! some feasting!! and a few giggles .....
Sunday, January 30, 2005
I have been wanting to blog for days but my words keep getting in the way. But having written reams of words, after being told, 'just put your pen to paper and let it happen', i feel it is less of a problem.
I am back in manchester seeing friends and verging on dreaming dreams. Something in the writing realm has exploded so I am happily occupied writing and listening. It seems quite chilled as I am not going out of the country for a few weeks at least (I am waiting for a new passport), but I am realising the importance of relationships and investing in them when I have the chance.
Waited for an hour and a half for a bus. It was very cold. boo.
Also still very much thinking over what i saw in Uganda, and the camps of people fleeing the civil war. I am happy to say, it is not something i can shrug off easily while living my comfy life over here.
but more on that later.....
Did you know there is no VAT on cake!! How cool!! Although, it did mean that the makers of the fab Jaffa Cake had to go to court to prove that they were cakes, not biscuit. (cakes go hard over time, while biscuits go soggy, obviously!!).
Oh dear, it makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.
Especially when in contrast to the above paragraph.
Its a funny messed up world......
I am back in manchester seeing friends and verging on dreaming dreams. Something in the writing realm has exploded so I am happily occupied writing and listening. It seems quite chilled as I am not going out of the country for a few weeks at least (I am waiting for a new passport), but I am realising the importance of relationships and investing in them when I have the chance.
Waited for an hour and a half for a bus. It was very cold. boo.
Also still very much thinking over what i saw in Uganda, and the camps of people fleeing the civil war. I am happy to say, it is not something i can shrug off easily while living my comfy life over here.
but more on that later.....
Did you know there is no VAT on cake!! How cool!! Although, it did mean that the makers of the fab Jaffa Cake had to go to court to prove that they were cakes, not biscuit. (cakes go hard over time, while biscuits go soggy, obviously!!).
Oh dear, it makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.
Especially when in contrast to the above paragraph.
Its a funny messed up world......
Saturday, January 22, 2005
winter sun
God was having a good day when he decided that all year round the sun would be availible to recharge the batteries and top up the tan! I am currently loving the ugandan sunshine!!
After last post, God showed me how much i needed a rest, and as such i have finally managed it. which is great. He has also done a bit of a spring clean on my head, as it seems that ideas which were workable for 2004, are indded not meant for 2005!!! So i am enjoying having my hopes raised, and my dreams reignited.
It really feels like i can breathe here.
Although i still don't have a v clear 'purpose' for 2005, i think this is just meant to be a day at a time journey, seeing him, and his abundance in the everyday small things. If i can't see them, and recieve them there, then when He does the massive world changing things that i know he wants to, i will just be walking on by, asking him why he is not moving!!!
I am looking forward to be amazed this year, amazed at his bigness and abundance. I am looking forward to more freedom, more joy and lots more love. A week ago, i didn't think i could know any of that. I didn't really believe that the god i knew in 2004 would do that. But now i know that is what this year is going to hold, because god is not one of years, but of love and journeys which never really have strainght paths.....
After last post, God showed me how much i needed a rest, and as such i have finally managed it. which is great. He has also done a bit of a spring clean on my head, as it seems that ideas which were workable for 2004, are indded not meant for 2005!!! So i am enjoying having my hopes raised, and my dreams reignited.
It really feels like i can breathe here.
Although i still don't have a v clear 'purpose' for 2005, i think this is just meant to be a day at a time journey, seeing him, and his abundance in the everyday small things. If i can't see them, and recieve them there, then when He does the massive world changing things that i know he wants to, i will just be walking on by, asking him why he is not moving!!!
I am looking forward to be amazed this year, amazed at his bigness and abundance. I am looking forward to more freedom, more joy and lots more love. A week ago, i didn't think i could know any of that. I didn't really believe that the god i knew in 2004 would do that. But now i know that is what this year is going to hold, because god is not one of years, but of love and journeys which never really have strainght paths.....
Saturday, January 15, 2005
africa
well on my travels again after a long break (other than to see the folks)...
its january and its hot and sticky... perfect.
had a fab day with my feet in a pool, drinking an iced drink and having really good conversations with friends i miss. was perfect.
Am really looking for purpose or something for 2005, but am currently being told just to chill and let Him find me, rather than do my western searching thing.....
so tricky, but enjoying His biggness at the mo.
55 secs left. must dash.
for those who might be interested, poo is all fine. x
its january and its hot and sticky... perfect.
had a fab day with my feet in a pool, drinking an iced drink and having really good conversations with friends i miss. was perfect.
Am really looking for purpose or something for 2005, but am currently being told just to chill and let Him find me, rather than do my western searching thing.....
so tricky, but enjoying His biggness at the mo.
55 secs left. must dash.
for those who might be interested, poo is all fine. x
travels to the sun
well on my travels again after a long break (other than to see the folks)...
its january and its hot and sticky... perfect.
had a fab day with my feet in a pool, drinking an iced drink and having really good conversations with friends i miss. was perfect.
Am really looking for purpose or something for 2005, but am currently being told just to chill and let Him find me, rather than do my western running, being busy thing. life takes on a different pace here. still not used to it.
I am finding it quite strange that god is quite so 'here', i.e. accessible without a push. it completely disarms me when i turn to find him. I am looking expecting to see him a bit of a way away, when actually he may be sitting there next to me.... good. but unnerving.
Just realised this is the first blog of 2005, so happy new year. I have no idea what it holds for me, at all. I have nothing in my calender (yet, famous last words) and it feels v fuzzy. But i am looking forward to a year of joy, grace and favour (the no 5 thing...) after last years push and tears.
Exciting news though, my parents are hoping to return from the middle east after about 10 years over there. Its sooo time for them to come back and do normal things, like the garden or something. But may be a little wierd, knowing they are just a train away, rather than 5 hours away.....
so, a year full of empty space, but lots of potential. maybe for now, i'm just going to take one step at a time. otherwise i might just get scared.
its january and its hot and sticky... perfect.
had a fab day with my feet in a pool, drinking an iced drink and having really good conversations with friends i miss. was perfect.
Am really looking for purpose or something for 2005, but am currently being told just to chill and let Him find me, rather than do my western running, being busy thing. life takes on a different pace here. still not used to it.
I am finding it quite strange that god is quite so 'here', i.e. accessible without a push. it completely disarms me when i turn to find him. I am looking expecting to see him a bit of a way away, when actually he may be sitting there next to me.... good. but unnerving.
Just realised this is the first blog of 2005, so happy new year. I have no idea what it holds for me, at all. I have nothing in my calender (yet, famous last words) and it feels v fuzzy. But i am looking forward to a year of joy, grace and favour (the no 5 thing...) after last years push and tears.
Exciting news though, my parents are hoping to return from the middle east after about 10 years over there. Its sooo time for them to come back and do normal things, like the garden or something. But may be a little wierd, knowing they are just a train away, rather than 5 hours away.....
so, a year full of empty space, but lots of potential. maybe for now, i'm just going to take one step at a time. otherwise i might just get scared.
Monday, December 27, 2004
currently feeling a little battered in my life choices at the moment - i.e. the whole not working in a "proper job" thing. It appears that the rest of the world thinks i am quite strange, which is fine, but I am realising the assistance of being around people who understand you. I am struggling to even work out why i am doing it at the mo, because it seems that i am quite scared even about the next month and all that it holds in store regarding travel, new people and places and money.
The first few of those list i normally love, but at the moment i am coming to loathe the restrictions, in my mind at least, even if nowhere else, that the latter, ££, force on me. So i think about going to new placces and am in fear because it is, in my head, just going to stress me out.
Now i realise, to all you lovely friends of Jesus out there, that I am being silly, and i should just go and have more faith......
But i am just writting it as it is - i do have faith. But currently it is just dwarfed by fear. boo. I hate it!!!
One inspiration I have found is a great book, which i mentioned before, culture jam. It just reminded me that i am not the only person (all those in manchester aside) not wanting to sit in an office and join the rat race.
I know that it will no doubt turn out fine, and in two weeks i will be in the tropical sun with some beautiful friends.... but right now i am just a bit scared.
thats ok though.
"it's all just part of the journey" (the very learn'ed HDC) haha
The first few of those list i normally love, but at the moment i am coming to loathe the restrictions, in my mind at least, even if nowhere else, that the latter, ££, force on me. So i think about going to new placces and am in fear because it is, in my head, just going to stress me out.
Now i realise, to all you lovely friends of Jesus out there, that I am being silly, and i should just go and have more faith......
But i am just writting it as it is - i do have faith. But currently it is just dwarfed by fear. boo. I hate it!!!
One inspiration I have found is a great book, which i mentioned before, culture jam. It just reminded me that i am not the only person (all those in manchester aside) not wanting to sit in an office and join the rat race.
I know that it will no doubt turn out fine, and in two weeks i will be in the tropical sun with some beautiful friends.... but right now i am just a bit scared.
thats ok though.
"it's all just part of the journey" (the very learn'ed HDC) haha
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
well.. it has been a little while, so have quite a bit to ramble about. but so i shall.....
I have finally moved house ( many of you will be happy to hear), on the week when 2 suspected terrorists were arrested on my street and a small riot ensued, rusholme is not what it used to be!!!!! But my new house, and new housemates are much fun indeed and i have already enjoyed an all day breakfast, for the whole day, and lord of the rings fest!!! fab!! but I did not even manage to spend much time there before i came down south to dorset for some fresh air, wellies and good food. The family is home for christmas, and we got a little snow (on the south coast!!) and a log fire - so i am quite content.
I am really enjoying reading the newspapaer a lot, along with "Culture Jam" by the adbusters posse in Vancover (big up ozza). A good mix me thinks. I am enjoying Culture jam, and the idea and the pure injustice of so much of what we count as society at the moment. But for some reason, and this is the bit that scares me more i think, I just don't feel inspired or empowered to do anything about it. When I hang out with various campaigning friends i feel i can find the vision to do something, but alone i feel the curse of this generation, apathy, hit me like i brick wall, and part of me just turns over and turns off. I know that this is one thing I just really need to shake myself out of, probably on a daily basis..... i guess i am just not sure where to focus my energies at the moment.
On a different note however, I would like to wish all my friends and readers a 'merry mass'. It seems, from my reading of the current papers today, that Christ has truely been taken out of our festive season. Carol concerts are being banned, nativity plays restricted, or worse, perverted to show the true Gods of this age (aka posh and becks and co).
There was an interesting article in the Times today, written by an aethesist, who was basically asking what the Christians where doing to protect their religous festival and british culture from those trying to shut them up?? He gave the example of Shieks (sp??) and Musilims doing everything they can to protect the sanctity of their religions, but proposed that the Christians in England were bowing to political correctedness and being silent. Why are we so scared and not walking as the 'children of another dimension', and putting Christ back at the centre, not just of these festivities but of our culture again?
Rant over, feeling i have just totally kicked myself up the bum (a good thing), told myself how to focus my energies (likewise), and then taken a huge sigh.... not really knowing where to go from here.
Computer time is now over however, so will continue this train of thought later.....
I have finally moved house ( many of you will be happy to hear), on the week when 2 suspected terrorists were arrested on my street and a small riot ensued, rusholme is not what it used to be!!!!! But my new house, and new housemates are much fun indeed and i have already enjoyed an all day breakfast, for the whole day, and lord of the rings fest!!! fab!! but I did not even manage to spend much time there before i came down south to dorset for some fresh air, wellies and good food. The family is home for christmas, and we got a little snow (on the south coast!!) and a log fire - so i am quite content.
I am really enjoying reading the newspapaer a lot, along with "Culture Jam" by the adbusters posse in Vancover (big up ozza). A good mix me thinks. I am enjoying Culture jam, and the idea and the pure injustice of so much of what we count as society at the moment. But for some reason, and this is the bit that scares me more i think, I just don't feel inspired or empowered to do anything about it. When I hang out with various campaigning friends i feel i can find the vision to do something, but alone i feel the curse of this generation, apathy, hit me like i brick wall, and part of me just turns over and turns off. I know that this is one thing I just really need to shake myself out of, probably on a daily basis..... i guess i am just not sure where to focus my energies at the moment.
On a different note however, I would like to wish all my friends and readers a 'merry mass'. It seems, from my reading of the current papers today, that Christ has truely been taken out of our festive season. Carol concerts are being banned, nativity plays restricted, or worse, perverted to show the true Gods of this age (aka posh and becks and co).
There was an interesting article in the Times today, written by an aethesist, who was basically asking what the Christians where doing to protect their religous festival and british culture from those trying to shut them up?? He gave the example of Shieks (sp??) and Musilims doing everything they can to protect the sanctity of their religions, but proposed that the Christians in England were bowing to political correctedness and being silent. Why are we so scared and not walking as the 'children of another dimension', and putting Christ back at the centre, not just of these festivities but of our culture again?
Rant over, feeling i have just totally kicked myself up the bum (a good thing), told myself how to focus my energies (likewise), and then taken a huge sigh.... not really knowing where to go from here.
Computer time is now over however, so will continue this train of thought later.....
Monday, November 29, 2004
Happy days indeed
I am now a little older than i was before - but am finding that i am still younger than most people I know!! Whopeee! And not a grey hair in sight! (R and O!!).
My birthday was fab with breakfast at trof, happy indeed!, followed by supper at solomon grundies (thanks to tony for that!). However somehow i managed to make it last a little longer by organising a bit of a bash with beth at trof on saturday night. That was much fun and I loved sitting in a favorite place with some of my favorite people. The suddenly hattie, a v good friend and fellow crazy person, appeared at the top of the stairs - everyone else new she was on her way except me!!! Very Happy days!!
After being sqeezed out of trof (its a little too cool at night now, and so a bit too busy) we went home for a cup of tea and a natter. Much laughter and a few 'oh i miss you guys' tears later, we had a broken bed and sore stomachs.... it seems that my somewhat creaky bed could not handle 3 little bottoms on it for so long, and so gave up trying!!
All in all i very much enjoyed celebrating my birthday, and watching as £££ miracles unfolded before my eyes. He really is the Provider (even of nice new boots and a skirt to match!). So having now worn said skirt and boots, and felt rather girly, my eyes are looking to Christmas and much family fun on the south coast.
However I am realising that a month is a long time and there are many things I could do between now and then. So the first surprise up God's sleeve is a prayer conference thing, where basically i get to hang out with Him and lots of friends for 2 days!! Not in Manchester!! (I love it but just need to get out!!). I don't even have to worry about paying for it, cause He had that covered too..... oh the fun ahead. I can feel it in my bones!!!
Still I have boring things to do like pay libary fines, so will sign off. Much love to those beautiful people who are just a little too far away to hug. boo. I love you and thanks much for the b'day love!!
My birthday was fab with breakfast at trof, happy indeed!, followed by supper at solomon grundies (thanks to tony for that!). However somehow i managed to make it last a little longer by organising a bit of a bash with beth at trof on saturday night. That was much fun and I loved sitting in a favorite place with some of my favorite people. The suddenly hattie, a v good friend and fellow crazy person, appeared at the top of the stairs - everyone else new she was on her way except me!!! Very Happy days!!
After being sqeezed out of trof (its a little too cool at night now, and so a bit too busy) we went home for a cup of tea and a natter. Much laughter and a few 'oh i miss you guys' tears later, we had a broken bed and sore stomachs.... it seems that my somewhat creaky bed could not handle 3 little bottoms on it for so long, and so gave up trying!!
All in all i very much enjoyed celebrating my birthday, and watching as £££ miracles unfolded before my eyes. He really is the Provider (even of nice new boots and a skirt to match!). So having now worn said skirt and boots, and felt rather girly, my eyes are looking to Christmas and much family fun on the south coast.
However I am realising that a month is a long time and there are many things I could do between now and then. So the first surprise up God's sleeve is a prayer conference thing, where basically i get to hang out with Him and lots of friends for 2 days!! Not in Manchester!! (I love it but just need to get out!!). I don't even have to worry about paying for it, cause He had that covered too..... oh the fun ahead. I can feel it in my bones!!!
Still I have boring things to do like pay libary fines, so will sign off. Much love to those beautiful people who are just a little too far away to hug. boo. I love you and thanks much for the b'day love!!
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