I had a vision
It was a big one, it covered continents and would last a lifetime. At its center was a longing to do what was right; to help the poor and marginalized and to be a radical peace maker, to be about Kingdom business and not church busy-ness, to bypass the normal and walk along the roads less travelled, to reject mediocrity and embrace the radical Jesus I met nine years ago.
However I was recently shocked to discover that for me it was all based on a rocky foundation. One of striving, of proving my love to God, of earning his acceptance, of letting him know how much i would do for him. But also of assuming to know what that meant, what it might look like, to serve him and love him. Obviously it meant doing BIG things for him
On return from Ch. that was all undone. The idols of what I could do for God had to go.
He wanted to be my vision. He wants to fill my line of sight, so that all I see is Him.
I may, or may not, go and do all of the above. I hope to live them for sure. But it may well be in the small and unseen ways of just living life as an ordinary radical, resting in His love.
If he calls me away, it will be as friends, not as the master shouting at the striving servant. If he doesn't call, then I will have lost nothing, but gained him.
So as i staple the 100th booklet of carols together and wonder what it is all about I remember not what I can do for God, but what he has done for me. For now, that's enough.
Friday, December 12, 2008
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