although winston churchill is now finished. the end is sad - he dies. just incase you were left wondering, or have i just ruined it for you haha
but his life was amaizing - PM at 79, seeing things that other people where too blind or naive to see. People say he was not a good peace time PM - true his best work was during the wars....but before both the wars he had thought about minimum wage, the NHS and social security. so far ahead of the pack....
and v inspiring. It also showed me some good sides in our history and culture which are so easily blasted because of the bad things that came from them, such as colonialistion. But things like when he was voted out of power after WW2, his response was "its what we have been fighting for all along"....
(it could be said that WW2 came out of WW1, which has v doubtful motives - ie prob not for democracy, but empire building)
but a simple view of the start of ww2 is that Poland had been invaded by a tyrannt and not allowed to hold votes to get him in or out - so we wanted to help them. So when he was voted out in a demcratic process he could only rejoice that the process could still happen - when so many were behind the iron curtain without that right. (this in turn got me thinking about politics today - where do we fit into them today - dunno)
anyway, am getting distracted - i think i jsut learnt a lot. and stopped being quite so cynical about it all. Yes we are fallen, not v nice people, but behind so much there is a hint of the purer version that God had intended. I think it has reinspired that hope. We, well me anyway, are so quick to shout at the bad stuff, without making a good hard search for the good stuff, even if it is well hidden.
am also thinking a lot about lots of other things - like politics and the church etc. did you know that in the 1st century - the kiss of peace was full on the lips, so outsiders thought we were a sex cult, because they loved each other so much. (I might add this was not just shown in the kiss, as they could only do it once, but in general lifestyle choices).....
so lots of questions and interesting thoughts, but other than that life is really normal for once. and i am quite enjoying that. i can't say how long it will last though.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
reading
so i have been reading some really great stuff recently. Winston churchill is on going and as inspiring as ever.
but just started a study group re church history and read this great quote from a first century christian......
"We do not talk about great things; we live them."
my preference exactly.
but just started a study group re church history and read this great quote from a first century christian......
"We do not talk about great things; we live them."
my preference exactly.
Monday, October 09, 2006
life as it is
man - time is flying by and suddenly we are in mid october (soon be christmas i hear you shout!!)
life is wonderfully full of colour, diversions and lots of laughter, with a healthy dose of brain sqeezing and muscle pulling!!
The colour and diversions have come in the form of my housemates and various free tickets to west-end shows. If you ever get the chance you should try very very hard to NOT go and see 'Daddy Cool'.... its music taken from ronnie m (whoever he is - clearly an historically famous singer). The plot is as thin as a thin piece of paper, (although they do make camden market quite realistically), singing quite bad, acting slightly better. But the show truely finds its own "special' form 20 minutess before the end. clearly the writer was getting bored with his own ideas, took some 'exotic herbs' and then continued to jazz it up a bit. the adjustments include a giant parrot being suspended from the ceiling, lowered and lifted up again, followed by a giant mechanical snake where you can almost see the guys working the winch in the background....
they did manage to recieve a standing ovation, but only by the fact that they had everyone up dancing and singing to the last song where the most hiddeous costumes were worn. suddenly it was the end of the show and the audience were clapping and standing - cheeky me thinks....
anyway, don't bother.
did go see some comedy though, david o'doherty was great.
Brain sqeezing is coming through meeting people who totally disagree with many aspects of church/God (or rather totally don't think he exists)...... love the challenge of learning to communicate clearly and making sense of ideas i thought i really knew. the most interesting so far being with a sheik mystic.
Muscle twanging has come from dancing, prob quite badly on various occasions, and walking really quite far shopping or in parks. it autumn and lush outside!!!
Other news is that i am now the owner of a lush red, bright red, dress. can you believe it - the pastels have gone, long live all the others!!!
so life is god and full. although sadly the flipflops have been put away. I will miss them, but i do love the seasons....
as the one and only fleetwood mac sing "I don't care for sunny weather, I like the change of seasons better". amen to that sister.
life is wonderfully full of colour, diversions and lots of laughter, with a healthy dose of brain sqeezing and muscle pulling!!
The colour and diversions have come in the form of my housemates and various free tickets to west-end shows. If you ever get the chance you should try very very hard to NOT go and see 'Daddy Cool'.... its music taken from ronnie m (whoever he is - clearly an historically famous singer). The plot is as thin as a thin piece of paper, (although they do make camden market quite realistically), singing quite bad, acting slightly better. But the show truely finds its own "special' form 20 minutess before the end. clearly the writer was getting bored with his own ideas, took some 'exotic herbs' and then continued to jazz it up a bit. the adjustments include a giant parrot being suspended from the ceiling, lowered and lifted up again, followed by a giant mechanical snake where you can almost see the guys working the winch in the background....
they did manage to recieve a standing ovation, but only by the fact that they had everyone up dancing and singing to the last song where the most hiddeous costumes were worn. suddenly it was the end of the show and the audience were clapping and standing - cheeky me thinks....
anyway, don't bother.
did go see some comedy though, david o'doherty was great.
Brain sqeezing is coming through meeting people who totally disagree with many aspects of church/God (or rather totally don't think he exists)...... love the challenge of learning to communicate clearly and making sense of ideas i thought i really knew. the most interesting so far being with a sheik mystic.
Muscle twanging has come from dancing, prob quite badly on various occasions, and walking really quite far shopping or in parks. it autumn and lush outside!!!
Other news is that i am now the owner of a lush red, bright red, dress. can you believe it - the pastels have gone, long live all the others!!!
so life is god and full. although sadly the flipflops have been put away. I will miss them, but i do love the seasons....
as the one and only fleetwood mac sing "I don't care for sunny weather, I like the change of seasons better". amen to that sister.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
upside down world
since my last post a lot has happened.....
hooked up with 4 crazy international friends for an evening of laughter, chinese, beer, tears and prayer - perfect, but defo not often enough. This happened after a shock visit to gatwick to pick up the lovely oria dale, and then travel to the middle of nowhere, to meet the others and laugh at thier totally shocked faces. 10 points to ozza for shock potential!!!
It was then onto Uganda, via a miracle last minute ticket, to see the people i am going to be working with and the children i will be working for. They are amazing - after enough trauma for a life time, are only just beginning to live. But when they laugh and smile - its amazing..... especially when you see the context from which they come, the slums or the north.
The combination of bad news from home and seeing such back breaking and shocking poverty, made it an emotional week. But all the way through God was successfully turning my world upside down.
What does it look like to be prophetic amoung countries which are so well labelled as "diseased, dying, starving, war ravaged, corrupt" etc. Everyone knows what a bad state the third world is in, even if it can't imagine the scale or depth of depravity. And i don't want to be someone who denies the level of human suffering. But as part fo the church, surely we should be speaking words of life and hope, not just confirmation of what is already there. Jesus so often called things by what they would become, not by what they were. and i think that is where my heart lies....
anything we do in partnership with 'the thrid world', should not be about last ditch effort to maybe save some lives, although that is so needed... but it shoudl be about unlocking potential that is there.
i realise i say this with no study of development, no practicl outworking, nothing really to say this is it - the answer.... it was just an observation and thought. might be totally wrong.... i have no idea, but i look forward to finding out.
hooked up with 4 crazy international friends for an evening of laughter, chinese, beer, tears and prayer - perfect, but defo not often enough. This happened after a shock visit to gatwick to pick up the lovely oria dale, and then travel to the middle of nowhere, to meet the others and laugh at thier totally shocked faces. 10 points to ozza for shock potential!!!
It was then onto Uganda, via a miracle last minute ticket, to see the people i am going to be working with and the children i will be working for. They are amazing - after enough trauma for a life time, are only just beginning to live. But when they laugh and smile - its amazing..... especially when you see the context from which they come, the slums or the north.
The combination of bad news from home and seeing such back breaking and shocking poverty, made it an emotional week. But all the way through God was successfully turning my world upside down.
What does it look like to be prophetic amoung countries which are so well labelled as "diseased, dying, starving, war ravaged, corrupt" etc. Everyone knows what a bad state the third world is in, even if it can't imagine the scale or depth of depravity. And i don't want to be someone who denies the level of human suffering. But as part fo the church, surely we should be speaking words of life and hope, not just confirmation of what is already there. Jesus so often called things by what they would become, not by what they were. and i think that is where my heart lies....
anything we do in partnership with 'the thrid world', should not be about last ditch effort to maybe save some lives, although that is so needed... but it shoudl be about unlocking potential that is there.
i realise i say this with no study of development, no practicl outworking, nothing really to say this is it - the answer.... it was just an observation and thought. might be totally wrong.... i have no idea, but i look forward to finding out.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
just a quick one - to say welcome to my sister (v on rhs), she has joined the bloggin world with "rantings of a political pulse" (nick name is chickpea, amoung others....)
also a quote which i found
"we are all worms, but i do believe i am a glow worm."
Winston Churchill, 1906
His biography is really great by the way. its my current book and its amazing to see that before he was this great war leader, he stood for the poor and really led the way in terms of social security, miniumum wage etc..... he had some crazy adventures, went through uganda and most of north eastern africa. He really stood for what he believed in even if it meant he was at odds with his party and his friends.
v inspiring.....
its great discovering a good, fruitful outlet for passion, when it comes from a solid source. I think i have realised that 2 years ago it came from insecurity and other rubbish, like trying to prove myself or something. now hopefully the source and reason for it is purer, from God's heart, as opposed to mine.
anyay a slight queue for the computer so will sign off, xxxx
also a quote which i found
"we are all worms, but i do believe i am a glow worm."
Winston Churchill, 1906
His biography is really great by the way. its my current book and its amazing to see that before he was this great war leader, he stood for the poor and really led the way in terms of social security, miniumum wage etc..... he had some crazy adventures, went through uganda and most of north eastern africa. He really stood for what he believed in even if it meant he was at odds with his party and his friends.
v inspiring.....
its great discovering a good, fruitful outlet for passion, when it comes from a solid source. I think i have realised that 2 years ago it came from insecurity and other rubbish, like trying to prove myself or something. now hopefully the source and reason for it is purer, from God's heart, as opposed to mine.
anyay a slight queue for the computer so will sign off, xxxx
Friday, August 25, 2006
my 90th blog entry
.... well done me. never figured i would have stuck at it so long!
Why is it that when britain decides to go on holiday, either camping or away on the bank holiday one of two things happen. either it rains like there is no tomorrow and people walk around saying "drought, what drought?", or the government decides to rip up all the major roads!! - heyho - life on the little island continues as normal!!
the camping trip of this week was indeed more of a swimming expedition than camping. on the first day sharon and i had to set up our tent inside someone elses and then dragged it outside such was the downpour - by the end of it i had realised my waterproof coat was perhaps only shower proof (am not going to test it again to check mind you!!), and i had soaked through a third of my clothes for the few days - let the fun begin!!!
but we did laugh lots, and the week continued in much the same vein. crazy dancing to cheesy beats, crazy God times and great worship - there is nothing quite like it when there are thousands of you together - blows my mind a bit!! We realise our insignificance in the light of the body, individualism has to die, and God gets v big indeed!
i then returned to the parents house to join my siblings in some diy decorating. i forget how much fun it can be - deep down i think i might be a bit of a decorating genius - it is fairly deep down though hehe. the cunning plan is to then miss the holiday traffic and head back to london and normal life (if there is such a thing) for a week before i fly out to Uganda and my new job!!!
I am so excited and also a little scared. One thing that i was reminded of lots this week while camping in sunny (or not) shepton mallet, was how much God loves the poor and forgotten, how His favour is totally directed toward them. And i have the privilege of serving them..... i just hope i don't mess up. Well, even if I do He has got it covered, but when other people are involved i would rather not!!
I think i was also reminded of the things which make me tick most, the stuff that gets me fired up - and it is the poor, the lost and injustice. At the same time though i was shocked at my total lack of commitment, prayer or action toward them uptil now. Yes there maybe valid reasons (or vague attempts) for that but now i am all out of excuses. How can i have been a christian for 6 or so years, and not led anyone to Him...... basically that bit in James (if you read these things and don't do them youre faith is foolish, or words to that effect)..... i could keep on making excuses, getting leasons in how to.... or i could just do it and trust that he is able to help me in everything.
He spent his whole life in action and word, for the poor, the lost and the oppressed. He served, he washed feet..... now me thinks it is about time i did the same.
It feels like this new part of my journey is like the blind man healed in John.... his eyes were covered in mud, and he had to walk to the well to wash, before he could see and know he was healed. It feels like there is so much i don't yet see or understand about God's love or the kingdom, but He is telling me to walk forward. and i will, in faith that as i do, i will see more of His love... not just for me but the world.
I can't just have faith for me anymore - my healing, my money, my future - its too me focused if nothing else. I need to have faith that Uganda can be healed and brought to peace, that lives can be transformed, and the oppressed go free.....That is the sort of God worth telling people about!!! amen...
ok rant over. realising me fires have been relit. oh my....
Why is it that when britain decides to go on holiday, either camping or away on the bank holiday one of two things happen. either it rains like there is no tomorrow and people walk around saying "drought, what drought?", or the government decides to rip up all the major roads!! - heyho - life on the little island continues as normal!!
the camping trip of this week was indeed more of a swimming expedition than camping. on the first day sharon and i had to set up our tent inside someone elses and then dragged it outside such was the downpour - by the end of it i had realised my waterproof coat was perhaps only shower proof (am not going to test it again to check mind you!!), and i had soaked through a third of my clothes for the few days - let the fun begin!!!
but we did laugh lots, and the week continued in much the same vein. crazy dancing to cheesy beats, crazy God times and great worship - there is nothing quite like it when there are thousands of you together - blows my mind a bit!! We realise our insignificance in the light of the body, individualism has to die, and God gets v big indeed!
i then returned to the parents house to join my siblings in some diy decorating. i forget how much fun it can be - deep down i think i might be a bit of a decorating genius - it is fairly deep down though hehe. the cunning plan is to then miss the holiday traffic and head back to london and normal life (if there is such a thing) for a week before i fly out to Uganda and my new job!!!
I am so excited and also a little scared. One thing that i was reminded of lots this week while camping in sunny (or not) shepton mallet, was how much God loves the poor and forgotten, how His favour is totally directed toward them. And i have the privilege of serving them..... i just hope i don't mess up. Well, even if I do He has got it covered, but when other people are involved i would rather not!!
I think i was also reminded of the things which make me tick most, the stuff that gets me fired up - and it is the poor, the lost and injustice. At the same time though i was shocked at my total lack of commitment, prayer or action toward them uptil now. Yes there maybe valid reasons (or vague attempts) for that but now i am all out of excuses. How can i have been a christian for 6 or so years, and not led anyone to Him...... basically that bit in James (if you read these things and don't do them youre faith is foolish, or words to that effect)..... i could keep on making excuses, getting leasons in how to.... or i could just do it and trust that he is able to help me in everything.
He spent his whole life in action and word, for the poor, the lost and the oppressed. He served, he washed feet..... now me thinks it is about time i did the same.
It feels like this new part of my journey is like the blind man healed in John.... his eyes were covered in mud, and he had to walk to the well to wash, before he could see and know he was healed. It feels like there is so much i don't yet see or understand about God's love or the kingdom, but He is telling me to walk forward. and i will, in faith that as i do, i will see more of His love... not just for me but the world.
I can't just have faith for me anymore - my healing, my money, my future - its too me focused if nothing else. I need to have faith that Uganda can be healed and brought to peace, that lives can be transformed, and the oppressed go free.....That is the sort of God worth telling people about!!! amen...
ok rant over. realising me fires have been relit. oh my....
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
so its hot and funny here again. september get back you fiend - winter shall not be here just yet!!!!
so have almost moved house, v exciting, although quite sad. this week have laughed sooo much i have a new flat tummy!!! discovered the more theatrical side of me coming out as well as the dancer inside - the kitchen dancing is improving all the time!!!!
so life is lots of fun.
it seems like the 'season' of the last 2.5 years is coming to an end and god is giving me hints about what is coming up next. as ever it is a bit like a tube map for a pedestrian - everything is on there, but it looks much more simple than it is above ground! So i look forward to the unexpected. even the stuff he is talking about is great, and i just can't stop laughing when i think about it. life is, and will no doubt continue to be good..... better even!!!
so not much to report. well done to anna p, who has an amazing job. basically written for her personally - isn't he good. well done my sister who is soon to be living in tooting, nice.
me, i will be living in the pink house..... it has a pink fence!
so have almost moved house, v exciting, although quite sad. this week have laughed sooo much i have a new flat tummy!!! discovered the more theatrical side of me coming out as well as the dancer inside - the kitchen dancing is improving all the time!!!!
so life is lots of fun.
it seems like the 'season' of the last 2.5 years is coming to an end and god is giving me hints about what is coming up next. as ever it is a bit like a tube map for a pedestrian - everything is on there, but it looks much more simple than it is above ground! So i look forward to the unexpected. even the stuff he is talking about is great, and i just can't stop laughing when i think about it. life is, and will no doubt continue to be good..... better even!!!
so not much to report. well done to anna p, who has an amazing job. basically written for her personally - isn't he good. well done my sister who is soon to be living in tooting, nice.
me, i will be living in the pink house..... it has a pink fence!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
not much happening on the anna front right now.....
reading Romans like it is going out of fashion - what a great book!!!
About to move house
about to start a job with arnold..... v excited!!!!
my suntan has improved
as have my dancing-round-the-kitchen skills!!!
oh, and someone thinks i am funny!!! what is the world coming too hehe
my housemate thinks i am like mary poppins - i appear, cause some well needed chaos, and then go again! How cool is that - but i do lack in the cool shoes and carpet bag dept!! Wind from the east anyone???
so all is good. laughing lots!
nothing else to report....
oh otherthan the film 'sideways' is totally rubbish, don't even bother!
reading Romans like it is going out of fashion - what a great book!!!
About to move house
about to start a job with arnold..... v excited!!!!
my suntan has improved
as have my dancing-round-the-kitchen skills!!!
oh, and someone thinks i am funny!!! what is the world coming too hehe
my housemate thinks i am like mary poppins - i appear, cause some well needed chaos, and then go again! How cool is that - but i do lack in the cool shoes and carpet bag dept!! Wind from the east anyone???
so all is good. laughing lots!
nothing else to report....
oh otherthan the film 'sideways' is totally rubbish, don't even bother!
Friday, July 21, 2006
after a few days of grrrrrrr and not really understanding much i have just had a bit of an ohhhhhhhh moment, you know when things just fall into place. Learnt what the word justified meant, in a biblical context - i.e. God sees me as perfect, 'cause i believe in Jesus dying for me - how cool is that!!!..... and this was only 3 chaptrs into the book!!!
i love it when words you have heard for ages just suddenly make sense - having a dictionary helps!!
had a great morning this morning in true anna styleee - listening to a cd, dancing round the kitchen and cleaning all at the same time. my ide of fun - sad i know. but satisfying.
got locked into regents park yesterday - had to do a break out. hehe.
i love it when words you have heard for ages just suddenly make sense - having a dictionary helps!!
had a great morning this morning in true anna styleee - listening to a cd, dancing round the kitchen and cleaning all at the same time. my ide of fun - sad i know. but satisfying.
got locked into regents park yesterday - had to do a break out. hehe.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
settled - perhaps not
on returning home from a weeks travelling around with the family, i realised i must have 'settled' here - simply because i was so joyful on my return. I do really love living here and hanging out with sharon, the garden and the park posse. This feeling means only one thing - i am soon to be moving! which is infact right, end of this month i shall pitch my tent 1 min from here - but in a v different house. life is never boring when you ask to be moved on from any comfy zones!!!
The last week though has been family filled. My lil' sis got a 2;1, as well as being 21 the day before - so this called for much eating, drinking and general family merriment. was execllent. although i always eat too much and don't have to eat for a week! But there was much driving up and down the nation, long train journeys and a large horse fly bite - so i am glad to be back.
Victoria has said she has only been mentioned once before in my blog, so at this point i would like to say something more about her. (at this point she is blushing and getting mad at me.... hehe, its what big sistrs are for). She is my height, normally has curly brown hair (these 2 factors are variable), and is beautiful. She is also v funny, cheeky and is about to start being an accountant in london, while also wishing to go into politics. She also has a thing for news readers on the bbc, esp the welsh one whose name i forget. She likes to carpe deim - seize the carpe ;) and can be v fiesty if injustice or tickling is about. She is the opposite of me in so many ways - except that we both want to save the world (just in different ways).
Basiclly she is amazing and i love her to pieces. so there. (no escaping it now titch, its in the public domain)....
On a different note - london is hot. but wifi works in my shady garden so its job hunting in the shade. nice.
Other than that life is good. am reading lots of the good book - named because surely it is good, as i am finding.
Someone said this week that our generation is unique in that we are likely to have 4 careers - 3 of which haven't even been invented yet. And suddenly the limiting lid of possibilities is blown right off, again. Its happening a lot recently, to my surprise and joy!!!
The last week though has been family filled. My lil' sis got a 2;1, as well as being 21 the day before - so this called for much eating, drinking and general family merriment. was execllent. although i always eat too much and don't have to eat for a week! But there was much driving up and down the nation, long train journeys and a large horse fly bite - so i am glad to be back.
Victoria has said she has only been mentioned once before in my blog, so at this point i would like to say something more about her. (at this point she is blushing and getting mad at me.... hehe, its what big sistrs are for). She is my height, normally has curly brown hair (these 2 factors are variable), and is beautiful. She is also v funny, cheeky and is about to start being an accountant in london, while also wishing to go into politics. She also has a thing for news readers on the bbc, esp the welsh one whose name i forget. She likes to carpe deim - seize the carpe ;) and can be v fiesty if injustice or tickling is about. She is the opposite of me in so many ways - except that we both want to save the world (just in different ways).
Basiclly she is amazing and i love her to pieces. so there. (no escaping it now titch, its in the public domain)....
On a different note - london is hot. but wifi works in my shady garden so its job hunting in the shade. nice.
Other than that life is good. am reading lots of the good book - named because surely it is good, as i am finding.
Someone said this week that our generation is unique in that we are likely to have 4 careers - 3 of which haven't even been invented yet. And suddenly the limiting lid of possibilities is blown right off, again. Its happening a lot recently, to my surprise and joy!!!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
i love community
I love community for many reasons
big bbq's when you get given more food than you bought, and your fridge ends up full of scrummy things
interesting kitchens to have t in
when its 10.55 pm and all the shops are shut, even the dodgy corner one which is perhaps a front for, i dunno, m-and-m smuggling.... you can call the pink house and ask for a spare loo role, so you don't pee your pants before bed.
laughing about totally inane things, and going purple in the face, not being able to speak, and people not thinking you are totally weird at the end of it all.
borrowing most of the ingredients for cake, but then having people to share it with.
....... guess what i did today. lovely.
big bbq's when you get given more food than you bought, and your fridge ends up full of scrummy things
interesting kitchens to have t in
when its 10.55 pm and all the shops are shut, even the dodgy corner one which is perhaps a front for, i dunno, m-and-m smuggling.... you can call the pink house and ask for a spare loo role, so you don't pee your pants before bed.
laughing about totally inane things, and going purple in the face, not being able to speak, and people not thinking you are totally weird at the end of it all.
borrowing most of the ingredients for cake, but then having people to share it with.
....... guess what i did today. lovely.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I love walking in parks in the rain. They are always empty and its great to feel like you have a place all to yourself here in London. I also love the sound of rain on the leaves and puddles, and the fact i have to be quiet to hear it. I enjoy the slightly farcical sight of tourists looking like huge marshmallows in their white bin bag rain poncho things - why do they wear them, when i am sure in their own country they wear v sensible clothes.
This weekend was my sister's 21st birthday party - it was lots and lots of fun. Got to wear a gorg dress my mum made and heals that may have caused some damage - but totally worth it. Victoria looked stunning (yes you did) and mum and dad loved being hospitible with so many of their old friends from all over and all of v's as well. It was great seeing family friends from times and places past - i forget that sometimes it is relationships like these which see years and seasons change, who remind me where i come from.
I am currently enjoying a quiet week after a busy one last week. It was all great stuff and i enjoyed seeing friends, but i forget the introvert in me needs time to touch base with Jesus, or i become this horrible monster person, who is really not very nice at all!!!
Outside of Him things loose perspective and i loose energy and any real ability to love. I can do the actions, but just simmer inside with impatience. I am currently reading another great book (must be a fluke - so many at once) and its just reminding me that its totally acceptable, no essential, for me to live from the heart. To live for who and what i believe in - not to try and water it down, or become all religious so its more acceptable to people. But actually be who He has called me to be, even if i have no idea who that is or what it looks like.
But I am realising more and more that I just need to let go and trust. I can trust him with money, relationships, future etc - but the challenge i am finding is to trust him with me, with my heart. This might sound all soppy and overly emotional, but maybe thats me. i dunno. but when its been broken and emptied, it makes the choice a bit harder.
But somehow in Him,now I am laughing about it, when in the past i cried. And there is the freedom to be able to trust and then just run in faith, hope and further into Love.
And then as if to prove His point, I saw a great poster this week - "Well behaved women rarely make history!" Oh, Amen to that!!
This weekend was my sister's 21st birthday party - it was lots and lots of fun. Got to wear a gorg dress my mum made and heals that may have caused some damage - but totally worth it. Victoria looked stunning (yes you did) and mum and dad loved being hospitible with so many of their old friends from all over and all of v's as well. It was great seeing family friends from times and places past - i forget that sometimes it is relationships like these which see years and seasons change, who remind me where i come from.
I am currently enjoying a quiet week after a busy one last week. It was all great stuff and i enjoyed seeing friends, but i forget the introvert in me needs time to touch base with Jesus, or i become this horrible monster person, who is really not very nice at all!!!
Outside of Him things loose perspective and i loose energy and any real ability to love. I can do the actions, but just simmer inside with impatience. I am currently reading another great book (must be a fluke - so many at once) and its just reminding me that its totally acceptable, no essential, for me to live from the heart. To live for who and what i believe in - not to try and water it down, or become all religious so its more acceptable to people. But actually be who He has called me to be, even if i have no idea who that is or what it looks like.
But I am realising more and more that I just need to let go and trust. I can trust him with money, relationships, future etc - but the challenge i am finding is to trust him with me, with my heart. This might sound all soppy and overly emotional, but maybe thats me. i dunno. but when its been broken and emptied, it makes the choice a bit harder.
But somehow in Him,now I am laughing about it, when in the past i cried. And there is the freedom to be able to trust and then just run in faith, hope and further into Love.
And then as if to prove His point, I saw a great poster this week - "Well behaved women rarely make history!" Oh, Amen to that!!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
fun in the sun
had a great few days with my mum last week - eating good food and wandering around shops and parts of london that you only go with your parents, and only if you are very good.
The tan is coming on nicely, as is my general aquantience with the parks of london. they are all v good - i esp like the green stripped deck chairs and the cute ducklings. Yesterday had a feeling of the ridiculous about it when in the space of one shopping day (about 9 hours for you guys) mum and i saw 3 different instances of skirts being trapped in knickers.... v v funny. although slightly unfortunate for the ladies involved, although one ( had a touch too much pimms me thinks) thought it was hilarious when brought to her attention.
clearly us girls, after a winter of jeans and long coats are slightly out of practise of checking that everything is where it should be when exiting the powdering room. If nothing else - it was a good giggle!! and a good mental note (must check skirt)
The tan is coming on nicely, as is my general aquantience with the parks of london. they are all v good - i esp like the green stripped deck chairs and the cute ducklings. Yesterday had a feeling of the ridiculous about it when in the space of one shopping day (about 9 hours for you guys) mum and i saw 3 different instances of skirts being trapped in knickers.... v v funny. although slightly unfortunate for the ladies involved, although one ( had a touch too much pimms me thinks) thought it was hilarious when brought to her attention.
clearly us girls, after a winter of jeans and long coats are slightly out of practise of checking that everything is where it should be when exiting the powdering room. If nothing else - it was a good giggle!! and a good mental note (must check skirt)
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
i can't believe i have not blogged in a month. ops, sorry. Life has certainly taken on a fuller dimension over the last wee while. its just full of good stuff, so full in fact i hardly know what to do with it all. Its just such a contrast to a few months ago that it feels like they can't be part of the same journey... somehow though they are!
Life in London is good i think, although i have not spent much time here thus far. I am loving getting to know the guys on regents park, where relationships just seem to be lots of fun with few boxes or expectations. Time away from London has been good - road trips with the girls have been great. lots of prayer and cake - a great combo! Watched the film confetti while away - never laughed so hard all the way through a film, sooo funny.
Last week i was in a 24/7 prayer room in sale and have been reminded of the thing that makes me tick - just being with God, just because. Loved it - but felt the uncomfortable challenge that things should change when i return to london..... i guess i just feel a bit out of practise. Not that he counts that, i just need to rediscover that place again.
the journey with work continues - feel for the first time that i am seeing myself, in terms of position, more clearly than ever. Realising, probably slightly slowly, that i am not meant to sit in a small grey office for the rest of my life. whereas before part of me would say, oh thats just pride, now i realise it just not me. and thats ok. so as the possible oppertunities get whittled down, the space in my head to work on just sems to get bigger - i guess the phrase, nothing is impossible for God comes ino effect now. where i see me going is not anywhere i can take me - so lets jsut wait and see what doors are opened.
has anyone else noticed the SUN!!! its been shining. really, its true. Its june and I have a tan!!! (although one shoulder decided this morning to give up trying - its gone to peeling mode, boo). So i am enjoying much time in my garden and the park with friends and good icecream. Mangos are in season too which makes for many a comic moment. Yesterday i ate one for b'fast. it was ever so slightly past its best - but i did not realise this meant it would become mainly just juice. so i sat there, having peeled it v genteely, sucking it. Juice was everwhere, face, arms, floor, table.... but i just loved it. soo tasty and fun. i sat there laughing at myself trying to be all 'delicate' while just making a big mess...... a good way to start the day.
but then it rained on my bed sheets. after a day of super quick washing via sun drying, the last wash was pee-ed upon. boo.
do you ever have days where your typing is so bad, it looks like you are writing in welsh. thats me today.
Life in London is good i think, although i have not spent much time here thus far. I am loving getting to know the guys on regents park, where relationships just seem to be lots of fun with few boxes or expectations. Time away from London has been good - road trips with the girls have been great. lots of prayer and cake - a great combo! Watched the film confetti while away - never laughed so hard all the way through a film, sooo funny.
Last week i was in a 24/7 prayer room in sale and have been reminded of the thing that makes me tick - just being with God, just because. Loved it - but felt the uncomfortable challenge that things should change when i return to london..... i guess i just feel a bit out of practise. Not that he counts that, i just need to rediscover that place again.
the journey with work continues - feel for the first time that i am seeing myself, in terms of position, more clearly than ever. Realising, probably slightly slowly, that i am not meant to sit in a small grey office for the rest of my life. whereas before part of me would say, oh thats just pride, now i realise it just not me. and thats ok. so as the possible oppertunities get whittled down, the space in my head to work on just sems to get bigger - i guess the phrase, nothing is impossible for God comes ino effect now. where i see me going is not anywhere i can take me - so lets jsut wait and see what doors are opened.
has anyone else noticed the SUN!!! its been shining. really, its true. Its june and I have a tan!!! (although one shoulder decided this morning to give up trying - its gone to peeling mode, boo). So i am enjoying much time in my garden and the park with friends and good icecream. Mangos are in season too which makes for many a comic moment. Yesterday i ate one for b'fast. it was ever so slightly past its best - but i did not realise this meant it would become mainly just juice. so i sat there, having peeled it v genteely, sucking it. Juice was everwhere, face, arms, floor, table.... but i just loved it. soo tasty and fun. i sat there laughing at myself trying to be all 'delicate' while just making a big mess...... a good way to start the day.
but then it rained on my bed sheets. after a day of super quick washing via sun drying, the last wash was pee-ed upon. boo.
do you ever have days where your typing is so bad, it looks like you are writing in welsh. thats me today.
Monday, May 15, 2006
i am having such a lot of fun right now - its great. HAd quite a random week.... at started out very very boring, filling in applications and not saying anything. But then they were done and i randomly decided to go to b'ham for the 24-7 network day. lots of old and new friends, fun and a eat as much as you want chinese. thanks 24-7.
i think all the e-numbers and colouring set me off on one - so i was a bit hyper in the avo. but it was great to see people again. On saturday i slept in and hdc missed her train, ops. but then with her safely homeward, i went for an epic walk to catch up with a birthday party walking between camden and hyde park. We went along the regents canal with all this house boats. It felt like a totally different side of london, v v cute! This was then followed, after a slight bread fight, with the long walk home - but the company was great. On the way friends invited me to a last minute bbq in oxfordshire, so get home, shower and jump on the bus....
on arriving in ox, the heavens opened and we all shelter under a v large gazebo (sp??), while sitting on hay bales - fun. Met lots of fun new people and some old uni friends. Next morning after not enough sleep i get a lift back in a nice car, to go and join a tea party on the estate - much cake and tea and fake grass. a long story.....
this was then followed by a lovely mexican coming to stay, but leaving at silly o'clock to fly home. tonight the lovely Kay isstaying and on wed its beautiful anna.
It feels like life is suddenly very full and colourful. Just like i had always hoped.
i think all the e-numbers and colouring set me off on one - so i was a bit hyper in the avo. but it was great to see people again. On saturday i slept in and hdc missed her train, ops. but then with her safely homeward, i went for an epic walk to catch up with a birthday party walking between camden and hyde park. We went along the regents canal with all this house boats. It felt like a totally different side of london, v v cute! This was then followed, after a slight bread fight, with the long walk home - but the company was great. On the way friends invited me to a last minute bbq in oxfordshire, so get home, shower and jump on the bus....
on arriving in ox, the heavens opened and we all shelter under a v large gazebo (sp??), while sitting on hay bales - fun. Met lots of fun new people and some old uni friends. Next morning after not enough sleep i get a lift back in a nice car, to go and join a tea party on the estate - much cake and tea and fake grass. a long story.....
this was then followed by a lovely mexican coming to stay, but leaving at silly o'clock to fly home. tonight the lovely Kay isstaying and on wed its beautiful anna.
It feels like life is suddenly very full and colourful. Just like i had always hoped.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Noise
Reading more good books at the mo - I would suggest 'Nickel and Dimed' by Barbara Ehrenreich to anyone looking for a wider perspective on poverty. It is american, and so it is slightly different over here, having state welfare etc, but Polly Toynbee of the Guardian has written a british equivalent, i just don't know what the name is.
One thing i was struck by was the underreporting of this side of our society. One third of british children are born into poverty, but we are meant to be "developed'. I totally agree that the levels of poverty here are not comparable with those in the third world, which do totally deserve our attention, as we are helping to precipitate it. But in our "helping" of those people far away, are we pacifying our guilty concinence - rather than facing the challenge that our neighbours, people like us, are in dire need of help. Its easy to send of a cheque, or go on a trip to see those impacted by poverty and disease. But the challenge I face is making that a reality in my life. The good samaritan did what he could right there and then, he did not travel half way round the world to go and 'find it'.
This is not to poo poo efforts in the third world, some of my closest friend are right in there - and i want to be there to. Using all my skills and talents where ever i can.... it just happens that right now I am here and not there. So this is not a rant, more of a note to self.....
Being really challenged at the moment about the power of words. In a world which is full of spin and half truths, have we become cynical about their power and the power of truth? Can we even discern the truth when we find it, or do we chuck it out straight away. In our pleasure focused society do we easily throw away words which challenge and provoke a response, in the hope of something 'nicer'.
At the same time, am i willing to be someone who doesn't fall into the trap of speaking half truths, or talking about things which i have no idea about? Am i willing to shut up in order that the quieter voices have a chance to speak, or will it be a afront to my pride, my very precious (?) opinions, and need to be heard, if i stay quiet.
Alternatively, will i speak truth when everyne else is happy hearing lies? Am i willing to seek out painful, but lifegiving truth, rather than pacify myself with comfortable, easy falsehood.
Tricky.... i know where i want to go, but as James said, taming the tongue is tricky. or words to that effect.
So - that was nice and light hearted then wasn't it - just a bit of verbal processing.
but other than all that - life is gooooooood.
One thing i was struck by was the underreporting of this side of our society. One third of british children are born into poverty, but we are meant to be "developed'. I totally agree that the levels of poverty here are not comparable with those in the third world, which do totally deserve our attention, as we are helping to precipitate it. But in our "helping" of those people far away, are we pacifying our guilty concinence - rather than facing the challenge that our neighbours, people like us, are in dire need of help. Its easy to send of a cheque, or go on a trip to see those impacted by poverty and disease. But the challenge I face is making that a reality in my life. The good samaritan did what he could right there and then, he did not travel half way round the world to go and 'find it'.
This is not to poo poo efforts in the third world, some of my closest friend are right in there - and i want to be there to. Using all my skills and talents where ever i can.... it just happens that right now I am here and not there. So this is not a rant, more of a note to self.....
Being really challenged at the moment about the power of words. In a world which is full of spin and half truths, have we become cynical about their power and the power of truth? Can we even discern the truth when we find it, or do we chuck it out straight away. In our pleasure focused society do we easily throw away words which challenge and provoke a response, in the hope of something 'nicer'.
At the same time, am i willing to be someone who doesn't fall into the trap of speaking half truths, or talking about things which i have no idea about? Am i willing to shut up in order that the quieter voices have a chance to speak, or will it be a afront to my pride, my very precious (?) opinions, and need to be heard, if i stay quiet.
Alternatively, will i speak truth when everyne else is happy hearing lies? Am i willing to seek out painful, but lifegiving truth, rather than pacify myself with comfortable, easy falsehood.
Tricky.... i know where i want to go, but as James said, taming the tongue is tricky. or words to that effect.
So - that was nice and light hearted then wasn't it - just a bit of verbal processing.
but other than all that - life is gooooooood.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
no ducks in a row
just when you think you have everything together, God thinks that it is getting boring and decides to shake things up (but i just realised that i did ask him to, opps)....
so April is bringing with it a sense of instability (jobs, flats, and other steady pegs moving). After initial freak out I am reminded that if it as not changing i would get bored, and 2) something else more exciting is round the corner.....So perhaps instability is the wrong word. Maybe unpredictability is better.
Realising more and more what a poobum fear is - and am enjoying coming out from under it. It totally kills joy and laughter and beauty. boo to fear.
But yeah to free Ben and Jerry's - it was their birthday today and so i wandered down to the tower of london for two free scoops (strawb cheese cake and choco fudge brownie... yum). Weirdly the walk through the city is one i really like - somehow it inspires me with beauty. But then i get lost when at a crucial junction i find a camera shop and get totally distracted!
The job hunt continues, swinging from excitement and relishing the challenge to "oh my i am totally unemployable" (which is obviously not true, i just haven't yet found where i am). But i am enjoying London and learning to see its beauty and funny side... like small dogs (rats some might say) wearing jackets (why?)being walked on regents park. If the wind is blowing they just get pushed about as they try to walk in a straight line... v funny. and a good reason not to get such silly small dog. big dogs are good.
anyway, crashing on...
so in the words of Manwell ' i know nothing' about what might or might not be happening this end of the world, other than right now, life is quite good really. but the holes in my jeans are really quite indecent......
a good book - the time traveller's wife
so April is bringing with it a sense of instability (jobs, flats, and other steady pegs moving). After initial freak out I am reminded that if it as not changing i would get bored, and 2) something else more exciting is round the corner.....So perhaps instability is the wrong word. Maybe unpredictability is better.
Realising more and more what a poobum fear is - and am enjoying coming out from under it. It totally kills joy and laughter and beauty. boo to fear.
But yeah to free Ben and Jerry's - it was their birthday today and so i wandered down to the tower of london for two free scoops (strawb cheese cake and choco fudge brownie... yum). Weirdly the walk through the city is one i really like - somehow it inspires me with beauty. But then i get lost when at a crucial junction i find a camera shop and get totally distracted!
The job hunt continues, swinging from excitement and relishing the challenge to "oh my i am totally unemployable" (which is obviously not true, i just haven't yet found where i am). But i am enjoying London and learning to see its beauty and funny side... like small dogs (rats some might say) wearing jackets (why?)being walked on regents park. If the wind is blowing they just get pushed about as they try to walk in a straight line... v funny. and a good reason not to get such silly small dog. big dogs are good.
anyway, crashing on...
so in the words of Manwell ' i know nothing' about what might or might not be happening this end of the world, other than right now, life is quite good really. but the holes in my jeans are really quite indecent......
a good book - the time traveller's wife
Monday, April 03, 2006
April is here and so is spring..... hurrah for sunshine and blossom!
Having got over jet lag ( realised i become a not v nice person when tired and all out of sync.) I discovered i was back in London! But was able to see it with much more positive eyes than before vc. I have now also moved house to a place just off regents park - it sounds posh but it is still an estate with lots of bored kids in it. love 'em.
My new house is lovely and i am enjoying being a mere 25 mins walking from covent garden and all things central. I also have a garden - so bring on bbq's and smoothies this summer. please tell me there will be more sunshine....
on reflection of my time away, i do feel much better for it. I think most places, not just london, can just sit on you after a while and sometimes its good just to get away. I was fortunate that it was the oher side of the world! Vancouver is a good city - everything you need, all those wierd random little corners and quaters that make it intersting but not too spread out. with lush views of mts and the pacific too. always wonderful. lovely company (i miss you oz.), but shame about the weather. And as i am discovering with lots of journeys and travels, its not just about where you go but where you return to. If london was still the same then i was slightly different - and maybe that made all the difference.
So now i am back, in a new house in a new part of town. I am meeting new people, and walking new streets - life feels like it may well be getting better. and its not just 'cause its sunny til later! although that does help.
Sharon my housemate and i are laughing lots - esp at my attempts to ice skate and bowl (not at the same time!) - our main aim is to have muchos silliness and fun. bring it on.
Other than that I am job hunting and feeling quite inspired about the whole thing actually. Also discovering lots of random dreams that i have, are already being done! So i am hoping to go and join some of them. One in particular is exciting - a bunch of people in an old warehouse just off brick lane - rehersal space, office space and other random creative space - but a main focus of community! Bring it on.... so am helping to paint there tomorrow and meet lots of other random dreamers. what an answer to prayer!
find them at www.ragfactory.org.uk
It feels like London, The Introduction, is over.
Now begins London, Chapter 1.
bring on the london adventures!
Having got over jet lag ( realised i become a not v nice person when tired and all out of sync.) I discovered i was back in London! But was able to see it with much more positive eyes than before vc. I have now also moved house to a place just off regents park - it sounds posh but it is still an estate with lots of bored kids in it. love 'em.
My new house is lovely and i am enjoying being a mere 25 mins walking from covent garden and all things central. I also have a garden - so bring on bbq's and smoothies this summer. please tell me there will be more sunshine....
on reflection of my time away, i do feel much better for it. I think most places, not just london, can just sit on you after a while and sometimes its good just to get away. I was fortunate that it was the oher side of the world! Vancouver is a good city - everything you need, all those wierd random little corners and quaters that make it intersting but not too spread out. with lush views of mts and the pacific too. always wonderful. lovely company (i miss you oz.), but shame about the weather. And as i am discovering with lots of journeys and travels, its not just about where you go but where you return to. If london was still the same then i was slightly different - and maybe that made all the difference.
So now i am back, in a new house in a new part of town. I am meeting new people, and walking new streets - life feels like it may well be getting better. and its not just 'cause its sunny til later! although that does help.
Sharon my housemate and i are laughing lots - esp at my attempts to ice skate and bowl (not at the same time!) - our main aim is to have muchos silliness and fun. bring it on.
Other than that I am job hunting and feeling quite inspired about the whole thing actually. Also discovering lots of random dreams that i have, are already being done! So i am hoping to go and join some of them. One in particular is exciting - a bunch of people in an old warehouse just off brick lane - rehersal space, office space and other random creative space - but a main focus of community! Bring it on.... so am helping to paint there tomorrow and meet lots of other random dreamers. what an answer to prayer!
find them at www.ragfactory.org.uk
It feels like London, The Introduction, is over.
Now begins London, Chapter 1.
bring on the london adventures!
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