Anonimous amoung a heavy throng,
The forgotten and never seen
Theirs is the side street
Strewn with rubbish
Theirs the rotten park bench.

Not so the rich
With regents street
And oxford circus
Ever seen faces in venues plenty.

With two pennies between them
And a long walk home
Despair creeps in
Laying heavy hands
On stooping shoulders

Why hold a head high
When there is nothing to look for
Nothing coming on the horizon
Coppers are only found
At your feet

And even these tokens
Of light relief
Taste like gravel
In your parched mouth
They serve only as a reminder
Of your bitter position
The reality you facee
Of paving slab
And the frozen bites of wind

Light relief though
To those shedding weight
Of loose change and heavy conscience
Ever aware of your horrid state
They try to forget their own
throught world dulled senses

Paralysed by fear
And safe little cacoons
They limp past you
Expressing rigid helplessness
UNable to free themselves
From such binding comfort
They resist reaching out
Lest they come face to face
With themselves.

buses

i love them... they never fail top surprise or entertain me. Yesterday some kids broke open a stink bomb just as they got off the bus, in rush hour, leaving the rest of us to breathe in slightly rotten air. SOme of us found it quite funny, but the more serious minded thought it v immature - thats right, but they are Kids!!!!

another one this week had a not nice pong from a slight puddle of baby vom. so everyone out and cram onto the next one! a few days ago though, at quite an early hour of the morning, one guy was left asleep by his friend... so no doubt ended by in watford or somewhere, rather than at home in his bed! But people tend to talk more at 2am then 2 pm..... funny that you can spend so many hours of your life with random people and never talk to them. seems a bit rude.... oh how we love the british reserve!!

learning to play the guitar, even wrote a song today... but now my fingers really hurt and i have had to stop. boo. but i am surprised i never did it before, feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to do.

found an amazing house just off brick lane (london equiv of curry mile) that we would love to make a bit of a community house.
so am currently dreaming lots. and dreaming bigger.....

went to sleep last night and then woke up again this morning (usual i know) with the thought - dream bigger!!!

and so i shall....

a big lush, community, boiler, many roomed, huge kitchened house perhaps

a job, but bigger than i am seeing at the mo...

note to self - there are no limits to God, other than those we chose to put on Him!

this week...

so its ben an interesting week....

last weekend was one long chill time with hatts inc a great film, good food and lots of laughs.
There was then the setting off of the fire alarm in the boiler - pork kebabs! This would have been ok if it wasn't for the office upstairs working, or the fire brigade NOT coming, till we called them saying "don't come", at which point they have to!! Oh dear. But they were lovely and, well fire men!!!! ohhh.

Met up with an good firned from Manchester - always good. Had a phone crisis, not good. only then for the Lord to interviene in His timing - always good. if not a touch confusing at times!

Friday night was contempary dance - not me i might add. I just watched the performance. Was v cool... esp the one about violence against women. v v powerful!
Saturday was chilling with g and c
sunday was more chilling with friends and then going home with a huge bunch of flowers - left overs from a party! They are lush.

In all this has been the on-going 'find a job, career, life thing'..... which has been hard and frustrating at times. But more importantly than that I know there is something about knowing me in Him which He is doing.... which is way more important for now. Everything else will no doubt follow - but what would be the point if it wasn't going to Glofiy Him? and someone once said I most Gloify God when He is most Alive in Me!

So i think i am just finding out what that actually means.....

Dreams and reality

the dream - to somehow speak into global structures, in a constructive way, and call for justice....

the reality - there are mice in our house!!! oh and i live on a street called the murder mile (please don't tell my mum!)

so life is beginning to be filled with dreams. they are still quite shaky, and v out of focus but the are there none the less. now i just need to find a road to start to walk there....

London, other than its sky (perpetual grey), continues to give life in multi-colour and surround sound (not always good i might add!!). am loving finding the new creative side of me. well not new, just v well hidden. and really enjoying meeting new poeple and laughing v hard.
Job hunting continues
East london is v cool, although there is a real violence in the streets here (well in the spirit anyway) that i have not totally learnt to deal with yet. But at the same point i am beginning to see why..... the desperate poverty and harshness of reality here - not exactly the 1st world eutopia!!! But in the midst of it all generous community and pushing on through whatever.....

Its just such a contrast from the streets of Kensington and other such lovely places!! Not sure which one i prefer - maybe neither. maybe just something else.

But life is Good and am learning heaps at the mo....

currently reading - in Priase of Slow. v good.

Little presents

Last night i was lying in bed and just trying to let my mind calm down from the days busy-ness, when i became aware that for some reason the main road next to my house became still and silent. So for the first time in days i just lay there listening to nothing, it was amazing, like taking a deep deep drink....

Been doing more exploring and getting lost and things recently. The city is quite amazing (in the shocking sense) at points, esp the square mile. the east side of the city sits next to the borough of tower hamlets. As we walked the boundry between the two i was just shocked at such a contrast - beautufil marble offices and expensive bollards next to tenaments, boarded up buildings and one of the poorest neighbourhoods in London. The richest square mile in the world next to the most deprived, urban dwellings to be found.

THis is the sort of stuff you expect to see in the middle east or the third world - but bobbins, we are meant to be one of the wealthiest nations on earth!! Someone, can't recall who but they were very good, once said that a measure of a nation is how they treat their poor. So we suck.
I have no idea how, but know that the poor is one of the main reasons i am here. but it is increasingly grabbing hold of my heart as i walk around.

oh and i am hopefully soon to start working for a cleaning company. Why climb a ladder when the people i want to meet can't even reach the bottom rung, but are stuck in the pit of minimum wage.

2006

Happy 2006 everyone...... had a chilled new year in the hills. loved it, although the local killer cows did put me on edge a little. haha. can't quite work out if i am a townie (ie being scared of farm animals and struggling with large wooden gates), or a country girl (who crosses roads without looking and can't understand why so many people live so far from something green.)

perhaps i just belong in the subburbs.... arhggggg noooooo.

crashing on...

So been trying to think of top 5 of 2005, could think of a few

1. being in New York, they let me into the UN!!! how bonkers is that!
2. claire and george's wedding, tissues please.
3. the little kitchen in blair road with ben and drago

.... other than that i realised that the highlights of 2005 where not ness what i did or where i went, but the people i was with and the friendships that developed from it. So thanks heaps for being part of my journey, its been bonkers so far and i look forward to more craziness this year.

I am seriously happy at the mo but not entirely sure why. Hope has totally appeared in an unsurpressiable balloon inside me, bringing unexpected joy with it. Just realising that God totally loves me and that it brings total freedom. Am also excited about the open doors in London...

so i am seriously looking forward to 2006.
not much else to report. ALthough have discovered a new liking of ironing.....