so after an evening of shopping (well attempting to anyway), dancing around the kitchen cooking and listening to music (generally bad but essential girly), i thought i would sit and blog.

hello.

Lots going on in my head currently but not in a bad way.

After a weekend with some new friends in oxford, I am currently pondering what this whole missionary thing is, and why i am initially so opposed to it. Why is it that something rises in me to say, don't do it........ I figure there is that bit in me that wants fame and christian celeb-ness. However much I don't agree with it, me flesh still loves it! Missionaries can be so far from that, living in a yurt in the middle of nowhere with a small, unknown tribe.....

Or maybe its the ex-colonialist thing, where the gospel and the empire are so tied, with the gospel ultimately loosing out.

Maybe its the feeling of restriction, of being expected to fit a certain mould or walk a missionary middle ground or something.I dunno. I am just typing out now.
But the people I met so challenged so much of that in me - they are going to live in war zones or mud huts simply to tell people about Jesus and to have his name lifted up.

that isn't the middle ground to me.
But i guess the question i find myself asking is, after all my dreaming and wondering, is it a path I am willing to wait for and then to walk.


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Yet in the midst of all that, He keeps showing me things he wants to do. And they are great and I want to be there to help them happen..... No question i guess.

I feel more like me with every day. I am writing and seeing unnoticed things more. I am knowing Joy, unexpectedly. Like a friend coming up and giving you a hug from behind.
I love my job, with all its chair throwing, hormone filled, teenage angst driven drama. Love it.

not much else to report.