that same old theme

can you believe I am still trying to learn this lesson...... its not about what I do!

been really wrestling with my job recently (until I have 2 days of filing and I realise kids screaming in your face is better by far haha!!)

anyway...... its slowly dawning on me that as ever it is not about what I do, but rather continuing to discover who I am. I first thought this was horribly selfish, but I realise that in London its quite a shocker.

I don't work to earn lots of money or to climb that far off ladder to some unknown destination. But instead, this job gives me a chance to read lots of books, find out what I think of things, learn what I enjoy, dream and love people around me with a bit more energy than I might otherwise have.

I am released from that pressure to perform, to win, to get the next biggest, best whatever. Not to say that I don't do my job well, or look to learn and improve, or that seeking those things are bad in themselves.......


So many people spend years dashing about earning lots of dosh but never quite having the time to enjoy it or enjoy life. I am not saying life should be one big knees up. Not at all. But as Howies say..... there are only 5 people in your life you get to know really well. Shouldn't one of them be you??

I always thought I should know myself by now - but clearly the learning has only just begun.
But I don't think its cool to be self indulgent or selfish - however what if by knowing yourself and walking in the freedom from pressure that that brings, you free others. What if by loving life and walking with light steps you help people realise there are other ways to walk instead of dashing, or plodding with ever increasing heaviness.

I don't want to become a late 20 something who is cynical and narked that life is not full of the promise that I saw ten years before.

But amongst all the rushing and worry I feel around this town, I want to walk with eyes seeing even more promise and adventure ahead of me, not less. Not just work, mortgage payments and a pension......these are all good but not it. Not life, not me.

Finally I see He is letting me be me, but I had not heard him for all the other voices. But now what I hear most clearly amongst the rabble is "further up and further in".

maybe the adventure has only just begun.......