i had a long chat with a friend recently. We got chatting about possible jobs for me down here in london.....

It was a good chat. She spoke, I listened, cried and tried to work out this muddlesome world. A week later its still going round my head, but not about the choice to be made (job or not), but about what we were really talking about.

Its been bugging me and I only realised today - we were talking about living from the heart. about being real and having integrity, even when asked to be in odd places and be an unfamiliar shape.

I have to be honest - part of me doesn't want to live from the heart. It seems to be the bit that gets rejected, ignored and broken the most. Its easier without it. Then it can be about what I know. I never have to make any real choices because I never know it all. I can sit on the fence til I have heard all sides of the story.....

But am I actually living?
These last few months I have been really happy, read lots of good books and had lots of great conversations. But nothing really moved me. I may be alive, but I may be lacking integrity.

I am not sure how to do that here. I don't know that I have the courage, to face those fears, to be that person.


But thank you for the reminder. I appreciate it.