Looking back

I think my last rant was me wanting to change pace and get into things, life, something more than was. And now I am very definately at that cross over, and looking back.

I am enjoying this new pace of life, but as i think over the last 6 months of .... well whatever it might be called, i realise how much has changed in me and how important it has been. I find myself with a new level of peace and assurance about me - and who i am. but also about just doing what i am meant to be doing, and not worrying about what i am not....
Some things don't even need to be 'done' but rather just happen. Even if that means i can't do them, or control them - and i like that. I find myself in a culture where people assume that for things to happen something needs to be done - when actaully it can be more simple than that, and more hidden than that.

So I am enjoying the hidden things of life, the tiny things that only I see with God. The times with friends that are not so impressive, but beautifully simple all the same, which make relationships what they are. But i am also realsing the power of that hidden-ness and anonimity, when your motive is nothing except to be before God in that place; rather than be before men.

One thing i love about this blog - i start with nothing really to say, but realising that i maybe i could put fingers to keys, and then it just rolls. it may not make sense to anyone - but as a place to process goes - it works for me!!!!

I can firmly say that, having been told to throw out ideas about what I think might be coming up next, i have a blank page before me. But i know that it is going to involve a change in pace, a change in scenery and level of relationship, with God and friends. But I am so grateful for this time, when so few people get the chance just to chill out and seek god for such a time, i recognise that although i don't know the full impact yet (if ever) that it has been important for this traveller. I hope to instill in my life a rhythm of rest, prayer etc - just like the monks i have thought so much about these last few months, in order that in the business of this life, that the source of it is not abandoned or neglected, and i end up weary and lost....

But in fact - i think it is more than that - its more than just coming to a well for a top up. But there is something new in my relationship with God that is, yes peaceful to a new level, but also so much more beautiful. I can't put my finger on it - but am really beginning to know something more of His beauty, which He is letting me find somewhere a little deeper than my gut. I am quite excited about that - it feels like i have been given permission to walk into a room he hasn't shown me before, one that you come into with a bit of awe and childish wonder.

But currently I am only at the door - so i'm off to find out what is behind it