i was speaking to two people who work in the middle of the middle of nowhere. you find a map and they are the furthest from the sea, blighty and cream teas anywhere... (this is not a fact, but they really do live v far away.).

Anyway, i asked them if they enjoyed it, living over there..... as I am thinking of doing something similar sometime and they said "why would we want to do anything else."

now that is my sort of answer... its not about socks and sandals, or any other poor preconceptions i might have - but about living life fully, even if you're hearts desire is to be somewhere completely inaccessible surrounded by people who speak a language few others do.

because anywhere else would just be compromise.

so this is my new back garden. Lush isn't it.

I sat there this avo after a day in school and watched a wee spider start to make a web, a butterfly fluttering everywhere and a small toad, which had leapt into a candle glass full of water.... it was so chilled. I love it.

it then started to rain, so i trotted inside. But it is nice to know its out there just waiting for me.

School is beginning to rub, I realised over the last week or so. It could be I am tired and need a holiday, the same with the girls. Or it could be that I am finding things about the way school happens which don't quite sit with me. I know people need to be taught, and they need to have someone to teach them. But do the need someone to tell them stuff, or should they discover it for themselves..... I find myself increasingly frustrated by girls not wishing to learn, only just willing to be told. It sucks. What happened to creative learning and initiative.....

No answers...... just an observation.

For now however I have a pot full of dreams brewing, with all their associated problems, and my lovely garden. I guess I just have to keep on hoping and stop being so old or som'it.

after a long rest I feel like I have started running again. and its ace - the wind through my hair and sun on my face (metaphorically speaking, physically it is just raining!)....

As i look to the future and where I would love to go, I find myself finding things out about me - and when I do, even if i don't see them yet, I am grabbing them tight with both hands. God is letting me know who he wants me to be and I am not turning him down in this!!!

Had a bit of a journey in respect to men recently - and unlike normal it did not end with a big soggy mess. I put my heart out there just a little, only to find it a little late in arriving (someone else got there first)..... my initial reaction was - Right, thats it, I am a NUN!!!!I shall go and hide away and never, ever have to be scared again.

But then i realise what a load of tosh that was - you can't truely live, inside a cacoon of your own fashioning where nothing ever impacts you. God made me to feel things, to know joy and sorrow, fear and courage.... so why hide from them. they add colour where otherwise there would be only shades of grey.

as it says in the book the prophet (paraphrased) - joy and sorrow are totally balanced - you are able to receive one only in as much as you have experienced the other.... or something like that.

So bring it on........