just when you think you have everything together, God thinks that it is getting boring and decides to shake things up (but i just realised that i did ask him to, opps)....
so April is bringing with it a sense of instability (jobs, flats, and other steady pegs moving). After initial freak out I am reminded that if it as not changing i would get bored, and 2) something else more exciting is round the corner.....So perhaps instability is the wrong word. Maybe unpredictability is better.
Realising more and more what a poobum fear is - and am enjoying coming out from under it. It totally kills joy and laughter and beauty. boo to fear.
But yeah to free Ben and Jerry's - it was their birthday today and so i wandered down to the tower of london for two free scoops (strawb cheese cake and choco fudge brownie... yum). Weirdly the walk through the city is one i really like - somehow it inspires me with beauty. But then i get lost when at a crucial junction i find a camera shop and get totally distracted!
The job hunt continues, swinging from excitement and relishing the challenge to "oh my i am totally unemployable" (which is obviously not true, i just haven't yet found where i am). But i am enjoying London and learning to see its beauty and funny side... like small dogs (rats some might say) wearing jackets (why?)being walked on regents park. If the wind is blowing they just get pushed about as they try to walk in a straight line... v funny. and a good reason not to get such silly small dog. big dogs are good.
anyway, crashing on...
so in the words of Manwell ' i know nothing' about what might or might not be happening this end of the world, other than right now, life is quite good really. but the holes in my jeans are really quite indecent......
a good book - the time traveller's wife
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
April is here and so is spring..... hurrah for sunshine and blossom!
Having got over jet lag ( realised i become a not v nice person when tired and all out of sync.) I discovered i was back in London! But was able to see it with much more positive eyes than before vc. I have now also moved house to a place just off regents park - it sounds posh but it is still an estate with lots of bored kids in it. love 'em.
My new house is lovely and i am enjoying being a mere 25 mins walking from covent garden and all things central. I also have a garden - so bring on bbq's and smoothies this summer. please tell me there will be more sunshine....
on reflection of my time away, i do feel much better for it. I think most places, not just london, can just sit on you after a while and sometimes its good just to get away. I was fortunate that it was the oher side of the world! Vancouver is a good city - everything you need, all those wierd random little corners and quaters that make it intersting but not too spread out. with lush views of mts and the pacific too. always wonderful. lovely company (i miss you oz.), but shame about the weather. And as i am discovering with lots of journeys and travels, its not just about where you go but where you return to. If london was still the same then i was slightly different - and maybe that made all the difference.
So now i am back, in a new house in a new part of town. I am meeting new people, and walking new streets - life feels like it may well be getting better. and its not just 'cause its sunny til later! although that does help.
Sharon my housemate and i are laughing lots - esp at my attempts to ice skate and bowl (not at the same time!) - our main aim is to have muchos silliness and fun. bring it on.
Other than that I am job hunting and feeling quite inspired about the whole thing actually. Also discovering lots of random dreams that i have, are already being done! So i am hoping to go and join some of them. One in particular is exciting - a bunch of people in an old warehouse just off brick lane - rehersal space, office space and other random creative space - but a main focus of community! Bring it on.... so am helping to paint there tomorrow and meet lots of other random dreamers. what an answer to prayer!
find them at www.ragfactory.org.uk
It feels like London, The Introduction, is over.
Now begins London, Chapter 1.
bring on the london adventures!
Having got over jet lag ( realised i become a not v nice person when tired and all out of sync.) I discovered i was back in London! But was able to see it with much more positive eyes than before vc. I have now also moved house to a place just off regents park - it sounds posh but it is still an estate with lots of bored kids in it. love 'em.
My new house is lovely and i am enjoying being a mere 25 mins walking from covent garden and all things central. I also have a garden - so bring on bbq's and smoothies this summer. please tell me there will be more sunshine....
on reflection of my time away, i do feel much better for it. I think most places, not just london, can just sit on you after a while and sometimes its good just to get away. I was fortunate that it was the oher side of the world! Vancouver is a good city - everything you need, all those wierd random little corners and quaters that make it intersting but not too spread out. with lush views of mts and the pacific too. always wonderful. lovely company (i miss you oz.), but shame about the weather. And as i am discovering with lots of journeys and travels, its not just about where you go but where you return to. If london was still the same then i was slightly different - and maybe that made all the difference.
So now i am back, in a new house in a new part of town. I am meeting new people, and walking new streets - life feels like it may well be getting better. and its not just 'cause its sunny til later! although that does help.
Sharon my housemate and i are laughing lots - esp at my attempts to ice skate and bowl (not at the same time!) - our main aim is to have muchos silliness and fun. bring it on.
Other than that I am job hunting and feeling quite inspired about the whole thing actually. Also discovering lots of random dreams that i have, are already being done! So i am hoping to go and join some of them. One in particular is exciting - a bunch of people in an old warehouse just off brick lane - rehersal space, office space and other random creative space - but a main focus of community! Bring it on.... so am helping to paint there tomorrow and meet lots of other random dreamers. what an answer to prayer!
find them at www.ragfactory.org.uk
It feels like London, The Introduction, is over.
Now begins London, Chapter 1.
bring on the london adventures!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
this holiday i have (in no particular order)........
- travelled further west than ever before
- seen the pacific for the first time
- read 3 new books
- drank 4 huge cocktails (beleni's in a goldfish bowl and a french kiss!!)
- eaten new types of mexican food, and lots of it
- drank copious amounts of red wine and coffee (nothing new there!)
- skied harder and faster than ever before
- got v lost
- spent heaps of time with ozza
- had more muscle pain than at any other point in my life
- laughed hard
- dreamer bigger
.... and generally felt totally spoilt by God.
isn't he good.
- travelled further west than ever before
- seen the pacific for the first time
- read 3 new books
- drank 4 huge cocktails (beleni's in a goldfish bowl and a french kiss!!)
- eaten new types of mexican food, and lots of it
- drank copious amounts of red wine and coffee (nothing new there!)
- skied harder and faster than ever before
- got v lost
- spent heaps of time with ozza
- had more muscle pain than at any other point in my life
- laughed hard
- dreamer bigger
.... and generally felt totally spoilt by God.
isn't he good.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
great days
what can i say - have just had the best few days in ages....
went up to whistler to ski, its totally amazing up there. clear air, huge mountains and forests.... i could try and describe it but it totally would not do it justice - suffice to say God was having a good day when he made the rockies!!!!
My ski-ing was not great but soooo much fun. laughed a lot when wiping out. Enjoyed the amazing silence, pushed myself hard in terms of speed and challenging my own fear - felt so exhilerated by it all...... now i ache. all over.
I am all up for more adventures and my body goes 'on your own mate, i'm done!!" so its going to be a few days of mind over muscle pain... but it was soo worth it!!!
Ozza and i hitched back last night with a guy who had the most amazing blue eyes. we then walked over lions gate bridge for sun set, then sat on English bay looking at the stars and the sea - where else can you go from opuntain top to see level in a day!!!! on the way back we picked up a great falafel and stopped into ER for her stitchs - she had 3 from 10 days ago. A meat chopping blade... ouch! But a bit silly though, it wasn't even on or moving.... in true oz style!
so a great weekend. now i have a few days enjoying the sun of vc - it is v sunny here. yipeeee. am not even thinnking about england yet - the local beauty and body pain have got my attenion for now.
went up to whistler to ski, its totally amazing up there. clear air, huge mountains and forests.... i could try and describe it but it totally would not do it justice - suffice to say God was having a good day when he made the rockies!!!!
My ski-ing was not great but soooo much fun. laughed a lot when wiping out. Enjoyed the amazing silence, pushed myself hard in terms of speed and challenging my own fear - felt so exhilerated by it all...... now i ache. all over.
I am all up for more adventures and my body goes 'on your own mate, i'm done!!" so its going to be a few days of mind over muscle pain... but it was soo worth it!!!
Ozza and i hitched back last night with a guy who had the most amazing blue eyes. we then walked over lions gate bridge for sun set, then sat on English bay looking at the stars and the sea - where else can you go from opuntain top to see level in a day!!!! on the way back we picked up a great falafel and stopped into ER for her stitchs - she had 3 from 10 days ago. A meat chopping blade... ouch! But a bit silly though, it wasn't even on or moving.... in true oz style!
so a great weekend. now i have a few days enjoying the sun of vc - it is v sunny here. yipeeee. am not even thinnking about england yet - the local beauty and body pain have got my attenion for now.
Friday, March 17, 2006
hobbling
today felt truely felt like a holiday - i was noticebly more chilled than the last few.... horrah!
The sun has come out, which is great, but most of the mounts are still in clouds. but the water and bits of hill that i can see from the roof, look amazing in the light. Not doing much, just hanging out and hobbling everywhere... somehow, and i have no idea how, i hurt the arches in my foot, so its seriously sore to walk. but its kinda good - an exercise in slowing right down. not so good a am meant to be ski-ing tom - so out with the tigerbalm and on with the prayer!!!
Remembering that north americans only tend to eat carbs and MEAT!!! (what would atkins say).... and it feels like they nly serve tea to be polite, but not because they like it! SO bring on some fresh fruit. saying that though i went to grenville island market yesterday - its great and huge and i would sooo shop there if i lioved here. its got loads of diff stuff, all local and from the farmers - so there wal mart!
Being over here is also showing me what an english person i am (the good and bad). but also that somehow i have allowed it to seep into my relationship with God. He is many things - but a polite english gent is not one of them (although, for the picky of you out there He does have traits found in a polite english man...)
I find myself craving, to His relief i suspect, a real relationship with Him. Not something oh so polite and english - but real and raw and if needs be, noisey, messy and rude!!! So far its been a bit scary but refreshing all the same.
As i discovered afresh thihs morning, and in the words of bridget jones diary (the film) - He loves me, just the way I am.... even if that means stinking of tiger balm ( as i currently am) and eating way too many muffins - cause they are v good over here....
other than all that life is good. ozza is well but looking forward to getting out of here and her job. We are enjoying many glasses of fine red wine and just catching up..... sometimes its just better face to face.
today the roof garden - tomorrow the mountains!!!!!
The sun has come out, which is great, but most of the mounts are still in clouds. but the water and bits of hill that i can see from the roof, look amazing in the light. Not doing much, just hanging out and hobbling everywhere... somehow, and i have no idea how, i hurt the arches in my foot, so its seriously sore to walk. but its kinda good - an exercise in slowing right down. not so good a am meant to be ski-ing tom - so out with the tigerbalm and on with the prayer!!!
Remembering that north americans only tend to eat carbs and MEAT!!! (what would atkins say).... and it feels like they nly serve tea to be polite, but not because they like it! SO bring on some fresh fruit. saying that though i went to grenville island market yesterday - its great and huge and i would sooo shop there if i lioved here. its got loads of diff stuff, all local and from the farmers - so there wal mart!
Being over here is also showing me what an english person i am (the good and bad). but also that somehow i have allowed it to seep into my relationship with God. He is many things - but a polite english gent is not one of them (although, for the picky of you out there He does have traits found in a polite english man...)
I find myself craving, to His relief i suspect, a real relationship with Him. Not something oh so polite and english - but real and raw and if needs be, noisey, messy and rude!!! So far its been a bit scary but refreshing all the same.
As i discovered afresh thihs morning, and in the words of bridget jones diary (the film) - He loves me, just the way I am.... even if that means stinking of tiger balm ( as i currently am) and eating way too many muffins - cause they are v good over here....
other than all that life is good. ozza is well but looking forward to getting out of here and her job. We are enjoying many glasses of fine red wine and just catching up..... sometimes its just better face to face.
today the roof garden - tomorrow the mountains!!!!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
hols in the rain
so i have inherited the 'twitchy traveller syndrome' from my dad - give yourself at least 3 times the amount of prep time before travel in order that you don't miss your plane - but are left waiting for agggggggessssss!!!
so packed my bag and room on monday morning - with lots of time to spare. then caught the plane to vancouver..... yipeee. but who should be getting on the plane at the same time as me - the one and only Colin Firth!!!! I stood 5 feet from Mr Darcy!!
I am not normally a celeb spotter - in fact the whole idea of it is a bit wierd to me..... but knowing that quite so many of my friends fully appreicated the bbc addaption of P and P - i figured you would all be exicted by this rare spotting! I also saw ant and dec on the way back from Manchester - but bothered!
So Vancouver is mostly rainy!!!! there rae mountains, so i have been told... but they are currently hiding behind said rain clouds. But if its raining here then its snowing in Whistler - where i shall be heading on fri night for a day of pure bliss - ski-ing!! oh my i just can't wait!!!
Ozza and i are eating like kings and drinking lots of lovely redwine - happy days!! while she works I wonder about, generally getting lost and soaked in the huge forest which to hard canadians is just a small park. today though i am just staying in a bit longer til the rain has passed its worst!!
Manchester this weekend was great - lots of firm friends all in one place. I realise now that when i was there i totally took for granted the amazing gift that was my life there. I spent sunday cooking and chatting with 2 friends - haven't done that for ages. really missed it - felt sooooo loved after! But made me realsie what an exceptional time i had there - being able to do that all the time - its just not possible so much in london. or here in VC according to ozza.....
so we are both missing life in manchester but defo looking forward to the next thing. for oz is brazil, for me - london?? but different i hope. we shall see. for now its mainly muffins and hot chocolate, even though it feels warmer here than england....
so packed my bag and room on monday morning - with lots of time to spare. then caught the plane to vancouver..... yipeee. but who should be getting on the plane at the same time as me - the one and only Colin Firth!!!! I stood 5 feet from Mr Darcy!!
I am not normally a celeb spotter - in fact the whole idea of it is a bit wierd to me..... but knowing that quite so many of my friends fully appreicated the bbc addaption of P and P - i figured you would all be exicted by this rare spotting! I also saw ant and dec on the way back from Manchester - but bothered!
So Vancouver is mostly rainy!!!! there rae mountains, so i have been told... but they are currently hiding behind said rain clouds. But if its raining here then its snowing in Whistler - where i shall be heading on fri night for a day of pure bliss - ski-ing!! oh my i just can't wait!!!
Ozza and i are eating like kings and drinking lots of lovely redwine - happy days!! while she works I wonder about, generally getting lost and soaked in the huge forest which to hard canadians is just a small park. today though i am just staying in a bit longer til the rain has passed its worst!!
Manchester this weekend was great - lots of firm friends all in one place. I realise now that when i was there i totally took for granted the amazing gift that was my life there. I spent sunday cooking and chatting with 2 friends - haven't done that for ages. really missed it - felt sooooo loved after! But made me realsie what an exceptional time i had there - being able to do that all the time - its just not possible so much in london. or here in VC according to ozza.....
so we are both missing life in manchester but defo looking forward to the next thing. for oz is brazil, for me - london?? but different i hope. we shall see. for now its mainly muffins and hot chocolate, even though it feels warmer here than england....
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
so realised that i have spent the last few weeks in a worry induced fog..... totally not good. wrecks my perspective and peace, joy and general fun-ness. boo to worry.
but - i had a lady bird in my bedroom. totally surprised me and then i got totally lost watching it... it was like a little 4x4 going over my bobbly carpet. so cute, and v condusive to all round sense of well being and peace.
but why are they called lady birds? and not lady bugs?? perhaps the namer thought it was more polite or something. i wonder how the male lady birds feel about it?
maybe i need to get out more....
booked travel insurance, beginning to get v excited about general holiday vibe. although i do have to sqeeze my bedroom into a few boxes over the next two days..... but with the airport and oria waiting i think i'll manage!!!
but - i had a lady bird in my bedroom. totally surprised me and then i got totally lost watching it... it was like a little 4x4 going over my bobbly carpet. so cute, and v condusive to all round sense of well being and peace.
but why are they called lady birds? and not lady bugs?? perhaps the namer thought it was more polite or something. i wonder how the male lady birds feel about it?
maybe i need to get out more....
booked travel insurance, beginning to get v excited about general holiday vibe. although i do have to sqeeze my bedroom into a few boxes over the next two days..... but with the airport and oria waiting i think i'll manage!!!
Monday, March 06, 2006
you know its been a long time when....
there is a layer of dust on your camera bag and you have no idea where you put your charcoals.....
after what can only be described as a heavy week i had a great weekend starting with wagga mamma's with jude, south bank with my camera and great light, hanging out with zanna, walking through parks and eating pizza with hatts....
great.
guitar playing going well, now have 6 cords.... still confused about the right hand rythmn thing, but no doubt i have my own style in this!
london is cold but with a dissapointing lack of snow - 5 flakes on last count! but no doubt vancouver will have more - whistler for sure. oh my - skiing. really can't wait......
but before that manchester and baby josh's dedication... horay. haven't seen those guys for ages. but missing the global family who seem quite far away at the mo.... thinking of y'all xxxx
there is a layer of dust on your camera bag and you have no idea where you put your charcoals.....
after what can only be described as a heavy week i had a great weekend starting with wagga mamma's with jude, south bank with my camera and great light, hanging out with zanna, walking through parks and eating pizza with hatts....
great.
guitar playing going well, now have 6 cords.... still confused about the right hand rythmn thing, but no doubt i have my own style in this!
london is cold but with a dissapointing lack of snow - 5 flakes on last count! but no doubt vancouver will have more - whistler for sure. oh my - skiing. really can't wait......
but before that manchester and baby josh's dedication... horay. haven't seen those guys for ages. but missing the global family who seem quite far away at the mo.... thinking of y'all xxxx
Thursday, March 02, 2006
so since i last wrote things have been a bit busy...
Helped out at soundcheck, SPEAK's national conference. it was great to get back into the speak family, and realsie just how much i love it and how much i believe in what they do, even if i am not the conference type. But seeing old friends and making new ones,while hearing some amazing people wrestle with the issues of power and the church.... great. a real chllenge. why should we, the church be looking to have power when the v guy we worship gave all his up in order to win after all.....
a paradox i just don't understand.
since then i have had two batches of pancakes (!!!) v scrummy, walked down the banks of the thames - really pretty, and been given tickets to go on holiday- to VANCOVER!!! so i am off to see the lovely ozza, who i miss heaps!!! horray for random God provision - who ever said he was stingy!!
So amlifting my eyes to what is coming, feel like a new thing is about to unfold,interms of work and vision. Am moving soon hopefully, and feel like after a few months of being introduced to London, i will soon be right in there, living life more fully than i am now.
Boiler stuff is going well, family being built. Am continuing to drink large volumes of tea and talk lots with jude - but feel that its a good time. in fact today we discussed that some of the most 'kingdom' things we have ever done have been while drinking a cup of tea. the stuff we think is great history shaping stuff is maybe not so important in this bonkers upside down kingdom that we are trying to find/build/usher in or someting.....
other than that life is good, if not v v cold. am loving the guitar at the mo - just a great new creative medium for me. and ejoying dreaming, without London squishing all thoughts of a different life.
a new month...... a new view.... and hopefully a bit more sun, cause i'm cold!
Helped out at soundcheck, SPEAK's national conference. it was great to get back into the speak family, and realsie just how much i love it and how much i believe in what they do, even if i am not the conference type. But seeing old friends and making new ones,while hearing some amazing people wrestle with the issues of power and the church.... great. a real chllenge. why should we, the church be looking to have power when the v guy we worship gave all his up in order to win after all.....
a paradox i just don't understand.
since then i have had two batches of pancakes (!!!) v scrummy, walked down the banks of the thames - really pretty, and been given tickets to go on holiday- to VANCOVER!!! so i am off to see the lovely ozza, who i miss heaps!!! horray for random God provision - who ever said he was stingy!!
So amlifting my eyes to what is coming, feel like a new thing is about to unfold,interms of work and vision. Am moving soon hopefully, and feel like after a few months of being introduced to London, i will soon be right in there, living life more fully than i am now.
Boiler stuff is going well, family being built. Am continuing to drink large volumes of tea and talk lots with jude - but feel that its a good time. in fact today we discussed that some of the most 'kingdom' things we have ever done have been while drinking a cup of tea. the stuff we think is great history shaping stuff is maybe not so important in this bonkers upside down kingdom that we are trying to find/build/usher in or someting.....
other than that life is good, if not v v cold. am loving the guitar at the mo - just a great new creative medium for me. and ejoying dreaming, without London squishing all thoughts of a different life.
a new month...... a new view.... and hopefully a bit more sun, cause i'm cold!
Friday, February 10, 2006
runied tea....
So got some new housemates this week -but we are not getting on well. They smell, use my room when I am in it, eat little corners off my food and scare us all - not my normal choice.
But i didn't have any - they invaded us. We have mice!!! urghhhhh
found one this week red handed. Was coming home after a long day when i thought i would have tea, crumpets and cake - a winner combo. As i open the bread bin i notice little bits of foil by my nice foil wrapped, italien cake. On opneing it i see that it has in fact been nibbled on by the little bliters. So i sigh i go for the crumpets..... only to discover they too have been munched on. A perfect tea time in ruins!!!
So as i stand there and have a well earned sulk, i notice from the back of the bread bin two little black eyes peering out at me - the little thief is still in the bread bin!!! I didn't quite know what to do - shout at it in righteous, cake stolen rage, or scream and run a mile, 'cause well its a mouse and they scare me!!
So i did a combination - of screaming, and slamming down the front of said bread bin in frustration and anger. That showed him!! Well not really - now i was in said kitchen with a mouse still able to eat my cake and crumpets in my bread bin. Oh the injustcie of it all!!! So my house mate (a welcome one) and i decide to take action - by taking the breadbin and emptying it out onto the street in the hope the mouse will follow. Its not my normal way of things, emptying out bread and crumpets onto an urban street, but thats how they do rubbish here in hackney, and it does in fact get removed, which is a tribute to our council!
ANyway - we troop downstairs, and onto our strret. With the bread bin open, i chuck the contents out. As i do so, the slide door thing on the bin slams down, and i disocver to my horror that the uninvited guest is left there dangling by his tail, trapped in the breadbin door!!! At this poiunt i scream in a oh this is just horrid sort of way, drop the bin and give a bit of a shudder. Thew mouse runs away round the corner - no doubt straight back into the house, and the whole street stops to stare at the white girl who is screaming at bread!
If i had any street cred it would be gone by now. i don't so im not worried!
since then no mouse has been seen - they have perhaps taken pity on me and decided not to tourment me any more. But they should know that it is now war - you eat my crumpets, and you cross a line!
in the words of winston churchill - we will fight them on the breadbins, we will fight them in the kitchen corners...
perhaps i'm taking this too far. maybe i just need to get out, of london that is!!! Am off to oxford this wekend to see good old friends from uni, can't wait. fresh air and fun... nice!
and it finally seems that spring has sprung - still cold, but now sunny and not that awful grey hanging everywhere!
But i didn't have any - they invaded us. We have mice!!! urghhhhh
found one this week red handed. Was coming home after a long day when i thought i would have tea, crumpets and cake - a winner combo. As i open the bread bin i notice little bits of foil by my nice foil wrapped, italien cake. On opneing it i see that it has in fact been nibbled on by the little bliters. So i sigh i go for the crumpets..... only to discover they too have been munched on. A perfect tea time in ruins!!!
So as i stand there and have a well earned sulk, i notice from the back of the bread bin two little black eyes peering out at me - the little thief is still in the bread bin!!! I didn't quite know what to do - shout at it in righteous, cake stolen rage, or scream and run a mile, 'cause well its a mouse and they scare me!!
So i did a combination - of screaming, and slamming down the front of said bread bin in frustration and anger. That showed him!! Well not really - now i was in said kitchen with a mouse still able to eat my cake and crumpets in my bread bin. Oh the injustcie of it all!!! So my house mate (a welcome one) and i decide to take action - by taking the breadbin and emptying it out onto the street in the hope the mouse will follow. Its not my normal way of things, emptying out bread and crumpets onto an urban street, but thats how they do rubbish here in hackney, and it does in fact get removed, which is a tribute to our council!
ANyway - we troop downstairs, and onto our strret. With the bread bin open, i chuck the contents out. As i do so, the slide door thing on the bin slams down, and i disocver to my horror that the uninvited guest is left there dangling by his tail, trapped in the breadbin door!!! At this poiunt i scream in a oh this is just horrid sort of way, drop the bin and give a bit of a shudder. Thew mouse runs away round the corner - no doubt straight back into the house, and the whole street stops to stare at the white girl who is screaming at bread!
If i had any street cred it would be gone by now. i don't so im not worried!
since then no mouse has been seen - they have perhaps taken pity on me and decided not to tourment me any more. But they should know that it is now war - you eat my crumpets, and you cross a line!
in the words of winston churchill - we will fight them on the breadbins, we will fight them in the kitchen corners...
perhaps i'm taking this too far. maybe i just need to get out, of london that is!!! Am off to oxford this wekend to see good old friends from uni, can't wait. fresh air and fun... nice!
and it finally seems that spring has sprung - still cold, but now sunny and not that awful grey hanging everywhere!
Monday, January 30, 2006
Anonimous amoung a heavy throng,
The forgotten and never seen
Theirs is the side street
Strewn with rubbish
Theirs the rotten park bench.
Not so the rich
With regents street
And oxford circus
Ever seen faces in venues plenty.
With two pennies between them
And a long walk home
Despair creeps in
Laying heavy hands
On stooping shoulders
Why hold a head high
When there is nothing to look for
Nothing coming on the horizon
Coppers are only found
At your feet
And even these tokens
Of light relief
Taste like gravel
In your parched mouth
They serve only as a reminder
Of your bitter position
The reality you facee
Of paving slab
And the frozen bites of wind
Light relief though
To those shedding weight
Of loose change and heavy conscience
Ever aware of your horrid state
They try to forget their own
throught world dulled senses
Paralysed by fear
And safe little cacoons
They limp past you
Expressing rigid helplessness
UNable to free themselves
From such binding comfort
They resist reaching out
Lest they come face to face
With themselves.
The forgotten and never seen
Theirs is the side street
Strewn with rubbish
Theirs the rotten park bench.
Not so the rich
With regents street
And oxford circus
Ever seen faces in venues plenty.
With two pennies between them
And a long walk home
Despair creeps in
Laying heavy hands
On stooping shoulders
Why hold a head high
When there is nothing to look for
Nothing coming on the horizon
Coppers are only found
At your feet
And even these tokens
Of light relief
Taste like gravel
In your parched mouth
They serve only as a reminder
Of your bitter position
The reality you facee
Of paving slab
And the frozen bites of wind
Light relief though
To those shedding weight
Of loose change and heavy conscience
Ever aware of your horrid state
They try to forget their own
throught world dulled senses
Paralysed by fear
And safe little cacoons
They limp past you
Expressing rigid helplessness
UNable to free themselves
From such binding comfort
They resist reaching out
Lest they come face to face
With themselves.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
buses
i love them... they never fail top surprise or entertain me. Yesterday some kids broke open a stink bomb just as they got off the bus, in rush hour, leaving the rest of us to breathe in slightly rotten air. SOme of us found it quite funny, but the more serious minded thought it v immature - thats right, but they are Kids!!!!
another one this week had a not nice pong from a slight puddle of baby vom. so everyone out and cram onto the next one! a few days ago though, at quite an early hour of the morning, one guy was left asleep by his friend... so no doubt ended by in watford or somewhere, rather than at home in his bed! But people tend to talk more at 2am then 2 pm..... funny that you can spend so many hours of your life with random people and never talk to them. seems a bit rude.... oh how we love the british reserve!!
learning to play the guitar, even wrote a song today... but now my fingers really hurt and i have had to stop. boo. but i am surprised i never did it before, feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to do.
found an amazing house just off brick lane (london equiv of curry mile) that we would love to make a bit of a community house.
so am currently dreaming lots. and dreaming bigger.....
another one this week had a not nice pong from a slight puddle of baby vom. so everyone out and cram onto the next one! a few days ago though, at quite an early hour of the morning, one guy was left asleep by his friend... so no doubt ended by in watford or somewhere, rather than at home in his bed! But people tend to talk more at 2am then 2 pm..... funny that you can spend so many hours of your life with random people and never talk to them. seems a bit rude.... oh how we love the british reserve!!
learning to play the guitar, even wrote a song today... but now my fingers really hurt and i have had to stop. boo. but i am surprised i never did it before, feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to do.
found an amazing house just off brick lane (london equiv of curry mile) that we would love to make a bit of a community house.
so am currently dreaming lots. and dreaming bigger.....
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
went to sleep last night and then woke up again this morning (usual i know) with the thought - dream bigger!!!
and so i shall....
a big lush, community, boiler, many roomed, huge kitchened house perhaps
a job, but bigger than i am seeing at the mo...
note to self - there are no limits to God, other than those we chose to put on Him!
and so i shall....
a big lush, community, boiler, many roomed, huge kitchened house perhaps
a job, but bigger than i am seeing at the mo...
note to self - there are no limits to God, other than those we chose to put on Him!
Monday, January 23, 2006
this week...
so its ben an interesting week....
last weekend was one long chill time with hatts inc a great film, good food and lots of laughs.
There was then the setting off of the fire alarm in the boiler - pork kebabs! This would have been ok if it wasn't for the office upstairs working, or the fire brigade NOT coming, till we called them saying "don't come", at which point they have to!! Oh dear. But they were lovely and, well fire men!!!! ohhh.
Met up with an good firned from Manchester - always good. Had a phone crisis, not good. only then for the Lord to interviene in His timing - always good. if not a touch confusing at times!
Friday night was contempary dance - not me i might add. I just watched the performance. Was v cool... esp the one about violence against women. v v powerful!
Saturday was chilling with g and c
sunday was more chilling with friends and then going home with a huge bunch of flowers - left overs from a party! They are lush.
In all this has been the on-going 'find a job, career, life thing'..... which has been hard and frustrating at times. But more importantly than that I know there is something about knowing me in Him which He is doing.... which is way more important for now. Everything else will no doubt follow - but what would be the point if it wasn't going to Glofiy Him? and someone once said I most Gloify God when He is most Alive in Me!
So i think i am just finding out what that actually means.....
last weekend was one long chill time with hatts inc a great film, good food and lots of laughs.
There was then the setting off of the fire alarm in the boiler - pork kebabs! This would have been ok if it wasn't for the office upstairs working, or the fire brigade NOT coming, till we called them saying "don't come", at which point they have to!! Oh dear. But they were lovely and, well fire men!!!! ohhh.
Met up with an good firned from Manchester - always good. Had a phone crisis, not good. only then for the Lord to interviene in His timing - always good. if not a touch confusing at times!
Friday night was contempary dance - not me i might add. I just watched the performance. Was v cool... esp the one about violence against women. v v powerful!
Saturday was chilling with g and c
sunday was more chilling with friends and then going home with a huge bunch of flowers - left overs from a party! They are lush.
In all this has been the on-going 'find a job, career, life thing'..... which has been hard and frustrating at times. But more importantly than that I know there is something about knowing me in Him which He is doing.... which is way more important for now. Everything else will no doubt follow - but what would be the point if it wasn't going to Glofiy Him? and someone once said I most Gloify God when He is most Alive in Me!
So i think i am just finding out what that actually means.....
Monday, January 16, 2006
Dreams and reality
the dream - to somehow speak into global structures, in a constructive way, and call for justice....
the reality - there are mice in our house!!! oh and i live on a street called the murder mile (please don't tell my mum!)
so life is beginning to be filled with dreams. they are still quite shaky, and v out of focus but the are there none the less. now i just need to find a road to start to walk there....
London, other than its sky (perpetual grey), continues to give life in multi-colour and surround sound (not always good i might add!!). am loving finding the new creative side of me. well not new, just v well hidden. and really enjoying meeting new poeple and laughing v hard.
Job hunting continues
East london is v cool, although there is a real violence in the streets here (well in the spirit anyway) that i have not totally learnt to deal with yet. But at the same point i am beginning to see why..... the desperate poverty and harshness of reality here - not exactly the 1st world eutopia!!! But in the midst of it all generous community and pushing on through whatever.....
Its just such a contrast from the streets of Kensington and other such lovely places!! Not sure which one i prefer - maybe neither. maybe just something else.
But life is Good and am learning heaps at the mo....
currently reading - in Priase of Slow. v good.
the reality - there are mice in our house!!! oh and i live on a street called the murder mile (please don't tell my mum!)
so life is beginning to be filled with dreams. they are still quite shaky, and v out of focus but the are there none the less. now i just need to find a road to start to walk there....
London, other than its sky (perpetual grey), continues to give life in multi-colour and surround sound (not always good i might add!!). am loving finding the new creative side of me. well not new, just v well hidden. and really enjoying meeting new poeple and laughing v hard.
Job hunting continues
East london is v cool, although there is a real violence in the streets here (well in the spirit anyway) that i have not totally learnt to deal with yet. But at the same point i am beginning to see why..... the desperate poverty and harshness of reality here - not exactly the 1st world eutopia!!! But in the midst of it all generous community and pushing on through whatever.....
Its just such a contrast from the streets of Kensington and other such lovely places!! Not sure which one i prefer - maybe neither. maybe just something else.
But life is Good and am learning heaps at the mo....
currently reading - in Priase of Slow. v good.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Little presents
Last night i was lying in bed and just trying to let my mind calm down from the days busy-ness, when i became aware that for some reason the main road next to my house became still and silent. So for the first time in days i just lay there listening to nothing, it was amazing, like taking a deep deep drink....
Been doing more exploring and getting lost and things recently. The city is quite amazing (in the shocking sense) at points, esp the square mile. the east side of the city sits next to the borough of tower hamlets. As we walked the boundry between the two i was just shocked at such a contrast - beautufil marble offices and expensive bollards next to tenaments, boarded up buildings and one of the poorest neighbourhoods in London. The richest square mile in the world next to the most deprived, urban dwellings to be found.
THis is the sort of stuff you expect to see in the middle east or the third world - but bobbins, we are meant to be one of the wealthiest nations on earth!! Someone, can't recall who but they were very good, once said that a measure of a nation is how they treat their poor. So we suck.
I have no idea how, but know that the poor is one of the main reasons i am here. but it is increasingly grabbing hold of my heart as i walk around.
oh and i am hopefully soon to start working for a cleaning company. Why climb a ladder when the people i want to meet can't even reach the bottom rung, but are stuck in the pit of minimum wage.
Been doing more exploring and getting lost and things recently. The city is quite amazing (in the shocking sense) at points, esp the square mile. the east side of the city sits next to the borough of tower hamlets. As we walked the boundry between the two i was just shocked at such a contrast - beautufil marble offices and expensive bollards next to tenaments, boarded up buildings and one of the poorest neighbourhoods in London. The richest square mile in the world next to the most deprived, urban dwellings to be found.
THis is the sort of stuff you expect to see in the middle east or the third world - but bobbins, we are meant to be one of the wealthiest nations on earth!! Someone, can't recall who but they were very good, once said that a measure of a nation is how they treat their poor. So we suck.
I have no idea how, but know that the poor is one of the main reasons i am here. but it is increasingly grabbing hold of my heart as i walk around.
oh and i am hopefully soon to start working for a cleaning company. Why climb a ladder when the people i want to meet can't even reach the bottom rung, but are stuck in the pit of minimum wage.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
2006
Happy 2006 everyone...... had a chilled new year in the hills. loved it, although the local killer cows did put me on edge a little. haha. can't quite work out if i am a townie (ie being scared of farm animals and struggling with large wooden gates), or a country girl (who crosses roads without looking and can't understand why so many people live so far from something green.)
perhaps i just belong in the subburbs.... arhggggg noooooo.
crashing on...
So been trying to think of top 5 of 2005, could think of a few
1. being in New York, they let me into the UN!!! how bonkers is that!
2. claire and george's wedding, tissues please.
3. the little kitchen in blair road with ben and drago
.... other than that i realised that the highlights of 2005 where not ness what i did or where i went, but the people i was with and the friendships that developed from it. So thanks heaps for being part of my journey, its been bonkers so far and i look forward to more craziness this year.
I am seriously happy at the mo but not entirely sure why. Hope has totally appeared in an unsurpressiable balloon inside me, bringing unexpected joy with it. Just realising that God totally loves me and that it brings total freedom. Am also excited about the open doors in London...
so i am seriously looking forward to 2006.
not much else to report. ALthough have discovered a new liking of ironing.....
perhaps i just belong in the subburbs.... arhggggg noooooo.
crashing on...
So been trying to think of top 5 of 2005, could think of a few
1. being in New York, they let me into the UN!!! how bonkers is that!
2. claire and george's wedding, tissues please.
3. the little kitchen in blair road with ben and drago
.... other than that i realised that the highlights of 2005 where not ness what i did or where i went, but the people i was with and the friendships that developed from it. So thanks heaps for being part of my journey, its been bonkers so far and i look forward to more craziness this year.
I am seriously happy at the mo but not entirely sure why. Hope has totally appeared in an unsurpressiable balloon inside me, bringing unexpected joy with it. Just realising that God totally loves me and that it brings total freedom. Am also excited about the open doors in London...
so i am seriously looking forward to 2006.
not much else to report. ALthough have discovered a new liking of ironing.....
Monday, December 26, 2005
Home at last
so for the first time in 10 years my parents are home..... great! We gave them flowers and a great surprise party - much bubbly flowing, was wonderful. Christmas has been great - much food and hanging out with family before we all part ways again. well until 351 boxes arrive and we are summoned home to unpack! oh dear.
But it has been a wonderful old time - i have been on very long walks over green hills and finally it feels like the rush and chaos of london has left me to be replaced by the stillness i find here. Its like soaking a sponge, trying to get as much in as possible in the next week before i head back. But i have also been rereading narnia - everytime i do i see something different and love God more, its just really beautifully written yet powerfully simple. It also leaves me saying things like, golly gosh. and 'thats just beastly' haha....
But at points this time has been strange. I am aware that God really loves all the feasting and family and celebration, but is really mourned by the fact that few see the reality of what it is we celebrate. But i have Hope afresh and can't be down hearted too long.
Its also been strange because i catch myself in the mirror and suddenly don't recongnise the person looking back. I think its more than a new hair cut, i think this last 12 months, although hard, has changed me in ways that at the mo i just can't quite pin down. But i do really like them, the little hints and glimpses that i catch....
I am also more and more aware of what a beautiful and precious thing a relationship with Jesus is, or perhaps closer to the point - Him.
So like lovely Oz, who i miss heaps, i am also looking forward to 2006. I know it will be fuller, more different and unexpected than this last year and i can't wait. I don't know how, but it will - maybe its 2006, maybe i have got my eyes open further and am more willing to see it - or maybe both. Either way it smells good.
So Merry Christmas and all the unexpected things God can throw at you in a year, for 2006.......!!!!!
But it has been a wonderful old time - i have been on very long walks over green hills and finally it feels like the rush and chaos of london has left me to be replaced by the stillness i find here. Its like soaking a sponge, trying to get as much in as possible in the next week before i head back. But i have also been rereading narnia - everytime i do i see something different and love God more, its just really beautifully written yet powerfully simple. It also leaves me saying things like, golly gosh. and 'thats just beastly' haha....
But at points this time has been strange. I am aware that God really loves all the feasting and family and celebration, but is really mourned by the fact that few see the reality of what it is we celebrate. But i have Hope afresh and can't be down hearted too long.
Its also been strange because i catch myself in the mirror and suddenly don't recongnise the person looking back. I think its more than a new hair cut, i think this last 12 months, although hard, has changed me in ways that at the mo i just can't quite pin down. But i do really like them, the little hints and glimpses that i catch....
I am also more and more aware of what a beautiful and precious thing a relationship with Jesus is, or perhaps closer to the point - Him.
So like lovely Oz, who i miss heaps, i am also looking forward to 2006. I know it will be fuller, more different and unexpected than this last year and i can't wait. I don't know how, but it will - maybe its 2006, maybe i have got my eyes open further and am more willing to see it - or maybe both. Either way it smells good.
So Merry Christmas and all the unexpected things God can throw at you in a year, for 2006.......!!!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
got my stuff from manchester this weekend - happy days. my room is now my own, and even though i don't have huge buckets of stuff, the more personal touch can totally change a room!!
The dream wall is still under construction, but am looking forward to seeing it form. new wall, new year new dreams!!!! come on!!!
Am currently spending time at boiler. In true boiler style this involves much tea drinking, nattering and chilling out... oh and some prayer too. out for curry down brick lane tonight with random boiler people - much fun to be had.
other than that life is good. going home to the sea and hills of dorset on friday so am v excited. meeting parents at the airport - tissues at the ready.
Feels like i have been given a gentle intro to life in london before the new year and all that it holds in store. But loving london and all its london-ness......
nothing else to report.
wanting snow.
The dream wall is still under construction, but am looking forward to seeing it form. new wall, new year new dreams!!!! come on!!!
Am currently spending time at boiler. In true boiler style this involves much tea drinking, nattering and chilling out... oh and some prayer too. out for curry down brick lane tonight with random boiler people - much fun to be had.
other than that life is good. going home to the sea and hills of dorset on friday so am v excited. meeting parents at the airport - tissues at the ready.
Feels like i have been given a gentle intro to life in london before the new year and all that it holds in store. But loving london and all its london-ness......
nothing else to report.
wanting snow.
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