i have a picture that used to be on my dream wall. it was of a man free climbing (ie no ropes and helmets etc), hanging by his hands from a overhang, legs swinging in the air. I really like the picture; the look of the the challenge, the seemingly insane activity and the remoteness of his success.
On reflection, a silly thing to pin on a wall where pictures are like prayers.
I took it down a few weeks ago after realising it described my situation with God quite well - ie barely holding on by my fingertips.
Now though, thankfully, it seems like i made it up and over.... am lying on the top of the rockface, panting for breath as my arm muscles scream at me and my legs wobble.
But the bit that surprises me most - is the exhiliration i feel having got this far! I would expect to feel it in real life, after something so challenging, but it seems silly to feel it when describing my 'journey'.
But i really do.
I think the last few weeks have happened by grace alone. Jesus asked me to walk down a previsouly unwalked path, named 'Doubt, Disbelief and Dissapointment', which had previsouly been out of bounds due to fear of never returning.
So with much trembling and not much of a clue, off i wandered to face some of the above.... hence why i ended up, what felt like, just hanging on.
yet here i am - surprised because at the end of it all I still want to know Jesus as my Friend and Lord. There were parts when i didn't at all - and thats why so much of it was by grace. I didn't get me here. it wasn't my arm muscles that lifted me up, but God's grace. I wasn't able to face those fears and overcome them, without some divine hope of something bigger, something more to live for, rather than just being trapped by all the above.
Its not even that I have answered all the questions or doubts, but i know i have walked to the edge i feared to see and God has not let me go. I have faced the cliff face and he has kept me safe, even when it felt he had left me alone.
Part of me, as ever, in such a moment of exhiliration after sheer terror, shouts "let's do it again, again!!". while the rest of me wants to just sit here and take in the view. But at least now i know there is a view to be had, that it wasn't mindless struggle for nothing.
and more importantly i know He carried me and is truely faithful.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Pink house festivities
the turkey is cooked,
its only 11 am
the bread sauce is burnt
and the cranberry jelly is done
but the sproats are pilled high
(URG)
and potatoes are going soggy
we have a fire place
made of cardboard
and an 8ft inflatable santa
who is taking over the kitchen
the tree is squint
the piano is out of tune
the mulled wine a bit too hot
we have lost the mince pies
and run out of pans
we can't all fit round the table
and there is no snow. boo.
But we are singing a 4 part harmony
about a sheep
and making melodies on a kazoo
we are laughing and having fun
singing
eating food
and havig afternoon naps
Perfect.
Merry Pink House Christmas everyone!!!
ps sorry to the manchester crew - but i wouldn't miss this for the world!!
its only 11 am
the bread sauce is burnt
and the cranberry jelly is done
but the sproats are pilled high
(URG)
and potatoes are going soggy
we have a fire place
made of cardboard
and an 8ft inflatable santa
who is taking over the kitchen
the tree is squint
the piano is out of tune
the mulled wine a bit too hot
we have lost the mince pies
and run out of pans
we can't all fit round the table
and there is no snow. boo.
But we are singing a 4 part harmony
about a sheep
and making melodies on a kazoo
we are laughing and having fun
singing
eating food
and havig afternoon naps
Perfect.
Merry Pink House Christmas everyone!!!
ps sorry to the manchester crew - but i wouldn't miss this for the world!!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
So this week has been a bit bonkers. fairly major house upsets ..... but through all of this God has just done the most amazing things (as is His want).
I have been here in London a year almost exactly. I am still not sure why - but I have fallen on my feet again. When the poo hit the fan this week community here just sprung into life in the most amazing way..... its not that it wasn't there before, i just didn't realise they were there for me. I haven't done anything to earn it, or been here long enough to deserve such genuine offers of help. Being friends with people over time is great, and i do really love and appreciate all my long standing friendships. But there is something quite amazing when people you hardly know, but are connected to through a bunch of friendly people (aka known as church/community), go out of their way to help and be supportive. really great.
in all the upset, somehow i feel more settled.
But it was also a challenge to the independant streak in me - i could have tried to do all the coping and crying by myself. Instead it was about learning how to let others support me and love me without trying to give it back or feeling like i owe them something.
As someone said this week, community is not about 'you scratch my back' etc..... but about serving each other out of worship to Christ. and this week i was pleasently taken aback by its beauty and simplicity.
It wasn't planned. It already was.
I have been here in London a year almost exactly. I am still not sure why - but I have fallen on my feet again. When the poo hit the fan this week community here just sprung into life in the most amazing way..... its not that it wasn't there before, i just didn't realise they were there for me. I haven't done anything to earn it, or been here long enough to deserve such genuine offers of help. Being friends with people over time is great, and i do really love and appreciate all my long standing friendships. But there is something quite amazing when people you hardly know, but are connected to through a bunch of friendly people (aka known as church/community), go out of their way to help and be supportive. really great.
in all the upset, somehow i feel more settled.
But it was also a challenge to the independant streak in me - i could have tried to do all the coping and crying by myself. Instead it was about learning how to let others support me and love me without trying to give it back or feeling like i owe them something.
As someone said this week, community is not about 'you scratch my back' etc..... but about serving each other out of worship to Christ. and this week i was pleasently taken aback by its beauty and simplicity.
It wasn't planned. It already was.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
did you know....
a pigeon at full flight goes at 30 mph.
who knew....
positively dangerous at eye height.
who knew....
positively dangerous at eye height.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
so its been a while but life has just been ticking over really.
reading lots of history.
Random factoid: richard 2nd, enthroned in 1370 something, was the first guy, in recorded english history, to request a handkerchief to wipe his nose with.
bonkers... we have had a lot of monarchs, so after a while its just a bit confusing. Elizabeth was pretty cool, but james and charles sucked really.
there you have it - english history, by anna. hehe
also i disocvered an shop that sells tropical fish etc on great portland st... i don't ness agree with lots of little nemo's swimming around. but from a totally shelfish (get it!!) point of view, it was a really peaceful place to be. just wandering around, looking at the weird and wonderful world that God created, just because... in the hope that one day we would see it (preferably in nature not in glass).
and fish are just chilled out. I need to go diving.
went to see the Blue Man Group last night - for free. winner!! They were so so good. the best thing i have seen in ages. one good thing about doing something totally new and cutting edge - old rules don't apply. traditions don't hold you back.
other than that life is a bit of a head mess.... when a relationship becomes a desperate list of requests, it makes me really sad. Where has the passion gone?Its not even that the passion has gone, but been smothered by rubbish, by worry, by not understanding, by feeling sqeezed.
6 years in - does it remain like this all the time??
I know it doesn't - as so many friends attest to (nice one ozza), and i am not going to give up. But where do the things growing in my heart lie with the small but somehow suffocating things of life.
At the same time though i am learning lots, reading heaps and meeting lots of great new people. I may not understand what is going on - but i'm not going to stop and be suffocated. But try, even when i don't know how, to trust in that Hope and know Goodness in the land of the living - cause it is here.
Even though I have only had the vaguest scent of heaven - its too good to give up just because i don't fully get it.
so there
tea anyone?
reading lots of history.
Random factoid: richard 2nd, enthroned in 1370 something, was the first guy, in recorded english history, to request a handkerchief to wipe his nose with.
bonkers... we have had a lot of monarchs, so after a while its just a bit confusing. Elizabeth was pretty cool, but james and charles sucked really.
there you have it - english history, by anna. hehe
also i disocvered an shop that sells tropical fish etc on great portland st... i don't ness agree with lots of little nemo's swimming around. but from a totally shelfish (get it!!) point of view, it was a really peaceful place to be. just wandering around, looking at the weird and wonderful world that God created, just because... in the hope that one day we would see it (preferably in nature not in glass).
and fish are just chilled out. I need to go diving.
went to see the Blue Man Group last night - for free. winner!! They were so so good. the best thing i have seen in ages. one good thing about doing something totally new and cutting edge - old rules don't apply. traditions don't hold you back.
other than that life is a bit of a head mess.... when a relationship becomes a desperate list of requests, it makes me really sad. Where has the passion gone?Its not even that the passion has gone, but been smothered by rubbish, by worry, by not understanding, by feeling sqeezed.
6 years in - does it remain like this all the time??
I know it doesn't - as so many friends attest to (nice one ozza), and i am not going to give up. But where do the things growing in my heart lie with the small but somehow suffocating things of life.
At the same time though i am learning lots, reading heaps and meeting lots of great new people. I may not understand what is going on - but i'm not going to stop and be suffocated. But try, even when i don't know how, to trust in that Hope and know Goodness in the land of the living - cause it is here.
Even though I have only had the vaguest scent of heaven - its too good to give up just because i don't fully get it.
so there
tea anyone?
Monday, October 30, 2006
still reading
although winston churchill is now finished. the end is sad - he dies. just incase you were left wondering, or have i just ruined it for you haha
but his life was amaizing - PM at 79, seeing things that other people where too blind or naive to see. People say he was not a good peace time PM - true his best work was during the wars....but before both the wars he had thought about minimum wage, the NHS and social security. so far ahead of the pack....
and v inspiring. It also showed me some good sides in our history and culture which are so easily blasted because of the bad things that came from them, such as colonialistion. But things like when he was voted out of power after WW2, his response was "its what we have been fighting for all along"....
(it could be said that WW2 came out of WW1, which has v doubtful motives - ie prob not for democracy, but empire building)
but a simple view of the start of ww2 is that Poland had been invaded by a tyrannt and not allowed to hold votes to get him in or out - so we wanted to help them. So when he was voted out in a demcratic process he could only rejoice that the process could still happen - when so many were behind the iron curtain without that right. (this in turn got me thinking about politics today - where do we fit into them today - dunno)
anyway, am getting distracted - i think i jsut learnt a lot. and stopped being quite so cynical about it all. Yes we are fallen, not v nice people, but behind so much there is a hint of the purer version that God had intended. I think it has reinspired that hope. We, well me anyway, are so quick to shout at the bad stuff, without making a good hard search for the good stuff, even if it is well hidden.
am also thinking a lot about lots of other things - like politics and the church etc. did you know that in the 1st century - the kiss of peace was full on the lips, so outsiders thought we were a sex cult, because they loved each other so much. (I might add this was not just shown in the kiss, as they could only do it once, but in general lifestyle choices).....
so lots of questions and interesting thoughts, but other than that life is really normal for once. and i am quite enjoying that. i can't say how long it will last though.
but his life was amaizing - PM at 79, seeing things that other people where too blind or naive to see. People say he was not a good peace time PM - true his best work was during the wars....but before both the wars he had thought about minimum wage, the NHS and social security. so far ahead of the pack....
and v inspiring. It also showed me some good sides in our history and culture which are so easily blasted because of the bad things that came from them, such as colonialistion. But things like when he was voted out of power after WW2, his response was "its what we have been fighting for all along"....
(it could be said that WW2 came out of WW1, which has v doubtful motives - ie prob not for democracy, but empire building)
but a simple view of the start of ww2 is that Poland had been invaded by a tyrannt and not allowed to hold votes to get him in or out - so we wanted to help them. So when he was voted out in a demcratic process he could only rejoice that the process could still happen - when so many were behind the iron curtain without that right. (this in turn got me thinking about politics today - where do we fit into them today - dunno)
anyway, am getting distracted - i think i jsut learnt a lot. and stopped being quite so cynical about it all. Yes we are fallen, not v nice people, but behind so much there is a hint of the purer version that God had intended. I think it has reinspired that hope. We, well me anyway, are so quick to shout at the bad stuff, without making a good hard search for the good stuff, even if it is well hidden.
am also thinking a lot about lots of other things - like politics and the church etc. did you know that in the 1st century - the kiss of peace was full on the lips, so outsiders thought we were a sex cult, because they loved each other so much. (I might add this was not just shown in the kiss, as they could only do it once, but in general lifestyle choices).....
so lots of questions and interesting thoughts, but other than that life is really normal for once. and i am quite enjoying that. i can't say how long it will last though.
Friday, October 20, 2006
reading
so i have been reading some really great stuff recently. Winston churchill is on going and as inspiring as ever.
but just started a study group re church history and read this great quote from a first century christian......
"We do not talk about great things; we live them."
my preference exactly.
but just started a study group re church history and read this great quote from a first century christian......
"We do not talk about great things; we live them."
my preference exactly.
Monday, October 09, 2006
life as it is
man - time is flying by and suddenly we are in mid october (soon be christmas i hear you shout!!)
life is wonderfully full of colour, diversions and lots of laughter, with a healthy dose of brain sqeezing and muscle pulling!!
The colour and diversions have come in the form of my housemates and various free tickets to west-end shows. If you ever get the chance you should try very very hard to NOT go and see 'Daddy Cool'.... its music taken from ronnie m (whoever he is - clearly an historically famous singer). The plot is as thin as a thin piece of paper, (although they do make camden market quite realistically), singing quite bad, acting slightly better. But the show truely finds its own "special' form 20 minutess before the end. clearly the writer was getting bored with his own ideas, took some 'exotic herbs' and then continued to jazz it up a bit. the adjustments include a giant parrot being suspended from the ceiling, lowered and lifted up again, followed by a giant mechanical snake where you can almost see the guys working the winch in the background....
they did manage to recieve a standing ovation, but only by the fact that they had everyone up dancing and singing to the last song where the most hiddeous costumes were worn. suddenly it was the end of the show and the audience were clapping and standing - cheeky me thinks....
anyway, don't bother.
did go see some comedy though, david o'doherty was great.
Brain sqeezing is coming through meeting people who totally disagree with many aspects of church/God (or rather totally don't think he exists)...... love the challenge of learning to communicate clearly and making sense of ideas i thought i really knew. the most interesting so far being with a sheik mystic.
Muscle twanging has come from dancing, prob quite badly on various occasions, and walking really quite far shopping or in parks. it autumn and lush outside!!!
Other news is that i am now the owner of a lush red, bright red, dress. can you believe it - the pastels have gone, long live all the others!!!
so life is god and full. although sadly the flipflops have been put away. I will miss them, but i do love the seasons....
as the one and only fleetwood mac sing "I don't care for sunny weather, I like the change of seasons better". amen to that sister.
life is wonderfully full of colour, diversions and lots of laughter, with a healthy dose of brain sqeezing and muscle pulling!!
The colour and diversions have come in the form of my housemates and various free tickets to west-end shows. If you ever get the chance you should try very very hard to NOT go and see 'Daddy Cool'.... its music taken from ronnie m (whoever he is - clearly an historically famous singer). The plot is as thin as a thin piece of paper, (although they do make camden market quite realistically), singing quite bad, acting slightly better. But the show truely finds its own "special' form 20 minutess before the end. clearly the writer was getting bored with his own ideas, took some 'exotic herbs' and then continued to jazz it up a bit. the adjustments include a giant parrot being suspended from the ceiling, lowered and lifted up again, followed by a giant mechanical snake where you can almost see the guys working the winch in the background....
they did manage to recieve a standing ovation, but only by the fact that they had everyone up dancing and singing to the last song where the most hiddeous costumes were worn. suddenly it was the end of the show and the audience were clapping and standing - cheeky me thinks....
anyway, don't bother.
did go see some comedy though, david o'doherty was great.
Brain sqeezing is coming through meeting people who totally disagree with many aspects of church/God (or rather totally don't think he exists)...... love the challenge of learning to communicate clearly and making sense of ideas i thought i really knew. the most interesting so far being with a sheik mystic.
Muscle twanging has come from dancing, prob quite badly on various occasions, and walking really quite far shopping or in parks. it autumn and lush outside!!!
Other news is that i am now the owner of a lush red, bright red, dress. can you believe it - the pastels have gone, long live all the others!!!
so life is god and full. although sadly the flipflops have been put away. I will miss them, but i do love the seasons....
as the one and only fleetwood mac sing "I don't care for sunny weather, I like the change of seasons better". amen to that sister.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
upside down world
since my last post a lot has happened.....
hooked up with 4 crazy international friends for an evening of laughter, chinese, beer, tears and prayer - perfect, but defo not often enough. This happened after a shock visit to gatwick to pick up the lovely oria dale, and then travel to the middle of nowhere, to meet the others and laugh at thier totally shocked faces. 10 points to ozza for shock potential!!!
It was then onto Uganda, via a miracle last minute ticket, to see the people i am going to be working with and the children i will be working for. They are amazing - after enough trauma for a life time, are only just beginning to live. But when they laugh and smile - its amazing..... especially when you see the context from which they come, the slums or the north.
The combination of bad news from home and seeing such back breaking and shocking poverty, made it an emotional week. But all the way through God was successfully turning my world upside down.
What does it look like to be prophetic amoung countries which are so well labelled as "diseased, dying, starving, war ravaged, corrupt" etc. Everyone knows what a bad state the third world is in, even if it can't imagine the scale or depth of depravity. And i don't want to be someone who denies the level of human suffering. But as part fo the church, surely we should be speaking words of life and hope, not just confirmation of what is already there. Jesus so often called things by what they would become, not by what they were. and i think that is where my heart lies....
anything we do in partnership with 'the thrid world', should not be about last ditch effort to maybe save some lives, although that is so needed... but it shoudl be about unlocking potential that is there.
i realise i say this with no study of development, no practicl outworking, nothing really to say this is it - the answer.... it was just an observation and thought. might be totally wrong.... i have no idea, but i look forward to finding out.
hooked up with 4 crazy international friends for an evening of laughter, chinese, beer, tears and prayer - perfect, but defo not often enough. This happened after a shock visit to gatwick to pick up the lovely oria dale, and then travel to the middle of nowhere, to meet the others and laugh at thier totally shocked faces. 10 points to ozza for shock potential!!!
It was then onto Uganda, via a miracle last minute ticket, to see the people i am going to be working with and the children i will be working for. They are amazing - after enough trauma for a life time, are only just beginning to live. But when they laugh and smile - its amazing..... especially when you see the context from which they come, the slums or the north.
The combination of bad news from home and seeing such back breaking and shocking poverty, made it an emotional week. But all the way through God was successfully turning my world upside down.
What does it look like to be prophetic amoung countries which are so well labelled as "diseased, dying, starving, war ravaged, corrupt" etc. Everyone knows what a bad state the third world is in, even if it can't imagine the scale or depth of depravity. And i don't want to be someone who denies the level of human suffering. But as part fo the church, surely we should be speaking words of life and hope, not just confirmation of what is already there. Jesus so often called things by what they would become, not by what they were. and i think that is where my heart lies....
anything we do in partnership with 'the thrid world', should not be about last ditch effort to maybe save some lives, although that is so needed... but it shoudl be about unlocking potential that is there.
i realise i say this with no study of development, no practicl outworking, nothing really to say this is it - the answer.... it was just an observation and thought. might be totally wrong.... i have no idea, but i look forward to finding out.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
just a quick one - to say welcome to my sister (v on rhs), she has joined the bloggin world with "rantings of a political pulse" (nick name is chickpea, amoung others....)
also a quote which i found
"we are all worms, but i do believe i am a glow worm."
Winston Churchill, 1906
His biography is really great by the way. its my current book and its amazing to see that before he was this great war leader, he stood for the poor and really led the way in terms of social security, miniumum wage etc..... he had some crazy adventures, went through uganda and most of north eastern africa. He really stood for what he believed in even if it meant he was at odds with his party and his friends.
v inspiring.....
its great discovering a good, fruitful outlet for passion, when it comes from a solid source. I think i have realised that 2 years ago it came from insecurity and other rubbish, like trying to prove myself or something. now hopefully the source and reason for it is purer, from God's heart, as opposed to mine.
anyay a slight queue for the computer so will sign off, xxxx
also a quote which i found
"we are all worms, but i do believe i am a glow worm."
Winston Churchill, 1906
His biography is really great by the way. its my current book and its amazing to see that before he was this great war leader, he stood for the poor and really led the way in terms of social security, miniumum wage etc..... he had some crazy adventures, went through uganda and most of north eastern africa. He really stood for what he believed in even if it meant he was at odds with his party and his friends.
v inspiring.....
its great discovering a good, fruitful outlet for passion, when it comes from a solid source. I think i have realised that 2 years ago it came from insecurity and other rubbish, like trying to prove myself or something. now hopefully the source and reason for it is purer, from God's heart, as opposed to mine.
anyay a slight queue for the computer so will sign off, xxxx
Friday, August 25, 2006
my 90th blog entry
.... well done me. never figured i would have stuck at it so long!
Why is it that when britain decides to go on holiday, either camping or away on the bank holiday one of two things happen. either it rains like there is no tomorrow and people walk around saying "drought, what drought?", or the government decides to rip up all the major roads!! - heyho - life on the little island continues as normal!!
the camping trip of this week was indeed more of a swimming expedition than camping. on the first day sharon and i had to set up our tent inside someone elses and then dragged it outside such was the downpour - by the end of it i had realised my waterproof coat was perhaps only shower proof (am not going to test it again to check mind you!!), and i had soaked through a third of my clothes for the few days - let the fun begin!!!
but we did laugh lots, and the week continued in much the same vein. crazy dancing to cheesy beats, crazy God times and great worship - there is nothing quite like it when there are thousands of you together - blows my mind a bit!! We realise our insignificance in the light of the body, individualism has to die, and God gets v big indeed!
i then returned to the parents house to join my siblings in some diy decorating. i forget how much fun it can be - deep down i think i might be a bit of a decorating genius - it is fairly deep down though hehe. the cunning plan is to then miss the holiday traffic and head back to london and normal life (if there is such a thing) for a week before i fly out to Uganda and my new job!!!
I am so excited and also a little scared. One thing that i was reminded of lots this week while camping in sunny (or not) shepton mallet, was how much God loves the poor and forgotten, how His favour is totally directed toward them. And i have the privilege of serving them..... i just hope i don't mess up. Well, even if I do He has got it covered, but when other people are involved i would rather not!!
I think i was also reminded of the things which make me tick most, the stuff that gets me fired up - and it is the poor, the lost and injustice. At the same time though i was shocked at my total lack of commitment, prayer or action toward them uptil now. Yes there maybe valid reasons (or vague attempts) for that but now i am all out of excuses. How can i have been a christian for 6 or so years, and not led anyone to Him...... basically that bit in James (if you read these things and don't do them youre faith is foolish, or words to that effect)..... i could keep on making excuses, getting leasons in how to.... or i could just do it and trust that he is able to help me in everything.
He spent his whole life in action and word, for the poor, the lost and the oppressed. He served, he washed feet..... now me thinks it is about time i did the same.
It feels like this new part of my journey is like the blind man healed in John.... his eyes were covered in mud, and he had to walk to the well to wash, before he could see and know he was healed. It feels like there is so much i don't yet see or understand about God's love or the kingdom, but He is telling me to walk forward. and i will, in faith that as i do, i will see more of His love... not just for me but the world.
I can't just have faith for me anymore - my healing, my money, my future - its too me focused if nothing else. I need to have faith that Uganda can be healed and brought to peace, that lives can be transformed, and the oppressed go free.....That is the sort of God worth telling people about!!! amen...
ok rant over. realising me fires have been relit. oh my....
Why is it that when britain decides to go on holiday, either camping or away on the bank holiday one of two things happen. either it rains like there is no tomorrow and people walk around saying "drought, what drought?", or the government decides to rip up all the major roads!! - heyho - life on the little island continues as normal!!
the camping trip of this week was indeed more of a swimming expedition than camping. on the first day sharon and i had to set up our tent inside someone elses and then dragged it outside such was the downpour - by the end of it i had realised my waterproof coat was perhaps only shower proof (am not going to test it again to check mind you!!), and i had soaked through a third of my clothes for the few days - let the fun begin!!!
but we did laugh lots, and the week continued in much the same vein. crazy dancing to cheesy beats, crazy God times and great worship - there is nothing quite like it when there are thousands of you together - blows my mind a bit!! We realise our insignificance in the light of the body, individualism has to die, and God gets v big indeed!
i then returned to the parents house to join my siblings in some diy decorating. i forget how much fun it can be - deep down i think i might be a bit of a decorating genius - it is fairly deep down though hehe. the cunning plan is to then miss the holiday traffic and head back to london and normal life (if there is such a thing) for a week before i fly out to Uganda and my new job!!!
I am so excited and also a little scared. One thing that i was reminded of lots this week while camping in sunny (or not) shepton mallet, was how much God loves the poor and forgotten, how His favour is totally directed toward them. And i have the privilege of serving them..... i just hope i don't mess up. Well, even if I do He has got it covered, but when other people are involved i would rather not!!
I think i was also reminded of the things which make me tick most, the stuff that gets me fired up - and it is the poor, the lost and injustice. At the same time though i was shocked at my total lack of commitment, prayer or action toward them uptil now. Yes there maybe valid reasons (or vague attempts) for that but now i am all out of excuses. How can i have been a christian for 6 or so years, and not led anyone to Him...... basically that bit in James (if you read these things and don't do them youre faith is foolish, or words to that effect)..... i could keep on making excuses, getting leasons in how to.... or i could just do it and trust that he is able to help me in everything.
He spent his whole life in action and word, for the poor, the lost and the oppressed. He served, he washed feet..... now me thinks it is about time i did the same.
It feels like this new part of my journey is like the blind man healed in John.... his eyes were covered in mud, and he had to walk to the well to wash, before he could see and know he was healed. It feels like there is so much i don't yet see or understand about God's love or the kingdom, but He is telling me to walk forward. and i will, in faith that as i do, i will see more of His love... not just for me but the world.
I can't just have faith for me anymore - my healing, my money, my future - its too me focused if nothing else. I need to have faith that Uganda can be healed and brought to peace, that lives can be transformed, and the oppressed go free.....That is the sort of God worth telling people about!!! amen...
ok rant over. realising me fires have been relit. oh my....
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
so its hot and funny here again. september get back you fiend - winter shall not be here just yet!!!!
so have almost moved house, v exciting, although quite sad. this week have laughed sooo much i have a new flat tummy!!! discovered the more theatrical side of me coming out as well as the dancer inside - the kitchen dancing is improving all the time!!!!
so life is lots of fun.
it seems like the 'season' of the last 2.5 years is coming to an end and god is giving me hints about what is coming up next. as ever it is a bit like a tube map for a pedestrian - everything is on there, but it looks much more simple than it is above ground! So i look forward to the unexpected. even the stuff he is talking about is great, and i just can't stop laughing when i think about it. life is, and will no doubt continue to be good..... better even!!!
so not much to report. well done to anna p, who has an amazing job. basically written for her personally - isn't he good. well done my sister who is soon to be living in tooting, nice.
me, i will be living in the pink house..... it has a pink fence!
so have almost moved house, v exciting, although quite sad. this week have laughed sooo much i have a new flat tummy!!! discovered the more theatrical side of me coming out as well as the dancer inside - the kitchen dancing is improving all the time!!!!
so life is lots of fun.
it seems like the 'season' of the last 2.5 years is coming to an end and god is giving me hints about what is coming up next. as ever it is a bit like a tube map for a pedestrian - everything is on there, but it looks much more simple than it is above ground! So i look forward to the unexpected. even the stuff he is talking about is great, and i just can't stop laughing when i think about it. life is, and will no doubt continue to be good..... better even!!!
so not much to report. well done to anna p, who has an amazing job. basically written for her personally - isn't he good. well done my sister who is soon to be living in tooting, nice.
me, i will be living in the pink house..... it has a pink fence!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
not much happening on the anna front right now.....
reading Romans like it is going out of fashion - what a great book!!!
About to move house
about to start a job with arnold..... v excited!!!!
my suntan has improved
as have my dancing-round-the-kitchen skills!!!
oh, and someone thinks i am funny!!! what is the world coming too hehe
my housemate thinks i am like mary poppins - i appear, cause some well needed chaos, and then go again! How cool is that - but i do lack in the cool shoes and carpet bag dept!! Wind from the east anyone???
so all is good. laughing lots!
nothing else to report....
oh otherthan the film 'sideways' is totally rubbish, don't even bother!
reading Romans like it is going out of fashion - what a great book!!!
About to move house
about to start a job with arnold..... v excited!!!!
my suntan has improved
as have my dancing-round-the-kitchen skills!!!
oh, and someone thinks i am funny!!! what is the world coming too hehe
my housemate thinks i am like mary poppins - i appear, cause some well needed chaos, and then go again! How cool is that - but i do lack in the cool shoes and carpet bag dept!! Wind from the east anyone???
so all is good. laughing lots!
nothing else to report....
oh otherthan the film 'sideways' is totally rubbish, don't even bother!
Friday, July 21, 2006
after a few days of grrrrrrr and not really understanding much i have just had a bit of an ohhhhhhhh moment, you know when things just fall into place. Learnt what the word justified meant, in a biblical context - i.e. God sees me as perfect, 'cause i believe in Jesus dying for me - how cool is that!!!..... and this was only 3 chaptrs into the book!!!
i love it when words you have heard for ages just suddenly make sense - having a dictionary helps!!
had a great morning this morning in true anna styleee - listening to a cd, dancing round the kitchen and cleaning all at the same time. my ide of fun - sad i know. but satisfying.
got locked into regents park yesterday - had to do a break out. hehe.
i love it when words you have heard for ages just suddenly make sense - having a dictionary helps!!
had a great morning this morning in true anna styleee - listening to a cd, dancing round the kitchen and cleaning all at the same time. my ide of fun - sad i know. but satisfying.
got locked into regents park yesterday - had to do a break out. hehe.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
settled - perhaps not
on returning home from a weeks travelling around with the family, i realised i must have 'settled' here - simply because i was so joyful on my return. I do really love living here and hanging out with sharon, the garden and the park posse. This feeling means only one thing - i am soon to be moving! which is infact right, end of this month i shall pitch my tent 1 min from here - but in a v different house. life is never boring when you ask to be moved on from any comfy zones!!!
The last week though has been family filled. My lil' sis got a 2;1, as well as being 21 the day before - so this called for much eating, drinking and general family merriment. was execllent. although i always eat too much and don't have to eat for a week! But there was much driving up and down the nation, long train journeys and a large horse fly bite - so i am glad to be back.
Victoria has said she has only been mentioned once before in my blog, so at this point i would like to say something more about her. (at this point she is blushing and getting mad at me.... hehe, its what big sistrs are for). She is my height, normally has curly brown hair (these 2 factors are variable), and is beautiful. She is also v funny, cheeky and is about to start being an accountant in london, while also wishing to go into politics. She also has a thing for news readers on the bbc, esp the welsh one whose name i forget. She likes to carpe deim - seize the carpe ;) and can be v fiesty if injustice or tickling is about. She is the opposite of me in so many ways - except that we both want to save the world (just in different ways).
Basiclly she is amazing and i love her to pieces. so there. (no escaping it now titch, its in the public domain)....
On a different note - london is hot. but wifi works in my shady garden so its job hunting in the shade. nice.
Other than that life is good. am reading lots of the good book - named because surely it is good, as i am finding.
Someone said this week that our generation is unique in that we are likely to have 4 careers - 3 of which haven't even been invented yet. And suddenly the limiting lid of possibilities is blown right off, again. Its happening a lot recently, to my surprise and joy!!!
The last week though has been family filled. My lil' sis got a 2;1, as well as being 21 the day before - so this called for much eating, drinking and general family merriment. was execllent. although i always eat too much and don't have to eat for a week! But there was much driving up and down the nation, long train journeys and a large horse fly bite - so i am glad to be back.
Victoria has said she has only been mentioned once before in my blog, so at this point i would like to say something more about her. (at this point she is blushing and getting mad at me.... hehe, its what big sistrs are for). She is my height, normally has curly brown hair (these 2 factors are variable), and is beautiful. She is also v funny, cheeky and is about to start being an accountant in london, while also wishing to go into politics. She also has a thing for news readers on the bbc, esp the welsh one whose name i forget. She likes to carpe deim - seize the carpe ;) and can be v fiesty if injustice or tickling is about. She is the opposite of me in so many ways - except that we both want to save the world (just in different ways).
Basiclly she is amazing and i love her to pieces. so there. (no escaping it now titch, its in the public domain)....
On a different note - london is hot. but wifi works in my shady garden so its job hunting in the shade. nice.
Other than that life is good. am reading lots of the good book - named because surely it is good, as i am finding.
Someone said this week that our generation is unique in that we are likely to have 4 careers - 3 of which haven't even been invented yet. And suddenly the limiting lid of possibilities is blown right off, again. Its happening a lot recently, to my surprise and joy!!!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
i love community
I love community for many reasons
big bbq's when you get given more food than you bought, and your fridge ends up full of scrummy things
interesting kitchens to have t in
when its 10.55 pm and all the shops are shut, even the dodgy corner one which is perhaps a front for, i dunno, m-and-m smuggling.... you can call the pink house and ask for a spare loo role, so you don't pee your pants before bed.
laughing about totally inane things, and going purple in the face, not being able to speak, and people not thinking you are totally weird at the end of it all.
borrowing most of the ingredients for cake, but then having people to share it with.
....... guess what i did today. lovely.
big bbq's when you get given more food than you bought, and your fridge ends up full of scrummy things
interesting kitchens to have t in
when its 10.55 pm and all the shops are shut, even the dodgy corner one which is perhaps a front for, i dunno, m-and-m smuggling.... you can call the pink house and ask for a spare loo role, so you don't pee your pants before bed.
laughing about totally inane things, and going purple in the face, not being able to speak, and people not thinking you are totally weird at the end of it all.
borrowing most of the ingredients for cake, but then having people to share it with.
....... guess what i did today. lovely.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I love walking in parks in the rain. They are always empty and its great to feel like you have a place all to yourself here in London. I also love the sound of rain on the leaves and puddles, and the fact i have to be quiet to hear it. I enjoy the slightly farcical sight of tourists looking like huge marshmallows in their white bin bag rain poncho things - why do they wear them, when i am sure in their own country they wear v sensible clothes.
This weekend was my sister's 21st birthday party - it was lots and lots of fun. Got to wear a gorg dress my mum made and heals that may have caused some damage - but totally worth it. Victoria looked stunning (yes you did) and mum and dad loved being hospitible with so many of their old friends from all over and all of v's as well. It was great seeing family friends from times and places past - i forget that sometimes it is relationships like these which see years and seasons change, who remind me where i come from.
I am currently enjoying a quiet week after a busy one last week. It was all great stuff and i enjoyed seeing friends, but i forget the introvert in me needs time to touch base with Jesus, or i become this horrible monster person, who is really not very nice at all!!!
Outside of Him things loose perspective and i loose energy and any real ability to love. I can do the actions, but just simmer inside with impatience. I am currently reading another great book (must be a fluke - so many at once) and its just reminding me that its totally acceptable, no essential, for me to live from the heart. To live for who and what i believe in - not to try and water it down, or become all religious so its more acceptable to people. But actually be who He has called me to be, even if i have no idea who that is or what it looks like.
But I am realising more and more that I just need to let go and trust. I can trust him with money, relationships, future etc - but the challenge i am finding is to trust him with me, with my heart. This might sound all soppy and overly emotional, but maybe thats me. i dunno. but when its been broken and emptied, it makes the choice a bit harder.
But somehow in Him,now I am laughing about it, when in the past i cried. And there is the freedom to be able to trust and then just run in faith, hope and further into Love.
And then as if to prove His point, I saw a great poster this week - "Well behaved women rarely make history!" Oh, Amen to that!!
This weekend was my sister's 21st birthday party - it was lots and lots of fun. Got to wear a gorg dress my mum made and heals that may have caused some damage - but totally worth it. Victoria looked stunning (yes you did) and mum and dad loved being hospitible with so many of their old friends from all over and all of v's as well. It was great seeing family friends from times and places past - i forget that sometimes it is relationships like these which see years and seasons change, who remind me where i come from.
I am currently enjoying a quiet week after a busy one last week. It was all great stuff and i enjoyed seeing friends, but i forget the introvert in me needs time to touch base with Jesus, or i become this horrible monster person, who is really not very nice at all!!!
Outside of Him things loose perspective and i loose energy and any real ability to love. I can do the actions, but just simmer inside with impatience. I am currently reading another great book (must be a fluke - so many at once) and its just reminding me that its totally acceptable, no essential, for me to live from the heart. To live for who and what i believe in - not to try and water it down, or become all religious so its more acceptable to people. But actually be who He has called me to be, even if i have no idea who that is or what it looks like.
But I am realising more and more that I just need to let go and trust. I can trust him with money, relationships, future etc - but the challenge i am finding is to trust him with me, with my heart. This might sound all soppy and overly emotional, but maybe thats me. i dunno. but when its been broken and emptied, it makes the choice a bit harder.
But somehow in Him,now I am laughing about it, when in the past i cried. And there is the freedom to be able to trust and then just run in faith, hope and further into Love.
And then as if to prove His point, I saw a great poster this week - "Well behaved women rarely make history!" Oh, Amen to that!!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
fun in the sun
had a great few days with my mum last week - eating good food and wandering around shops and parts of london that you only go with your parents, and only if you are very good.
The tan is coming on nicely, as is my general aquantience with the parks of london. they are all v good - i esp like the green stripped deck chairs and the cute ducklings. Yesterday had a feeling of the ridiculous about it when in the space of one shopping day (about 9 hours for you guys) mum and i saw 3 different instances of skirts being trapped in knickers.... v v funny. although slightly unfortunate for the ladies involved, although one ( had a touch too much pimms me thinks) thought it was hilarious when brought to her attention.
clearly us girls, after a winter of jeans and long coats are slightly out of practise of checking that everything is where it should be when exiting the powdering room. If nothing else - it was a good giggle!! and a good mental note (must check skirt)
The tan is coming on nicely, as is my general aquantience with the parks of london. they are all v good - i esp like the green stripped deck chairs and the cute ducklings. Yesterday had a feeling of the ridiculous about it when in the space of one shopping day (about 9 hours for you guys) mum and i saw 3 different instances of skirts being trapped in knickers.... v v funny. although slightly unfortunate for the ladies involved, although one ( had a touch too much pimms me thinks) thought it was hilarious when brought to her attention.
clearly us girls, after a winter of jeans and long coats are slightly out of practise of checking that everything is where it should be when exiting the powdering room. If nothing else - it was a good giggle!! and a good mental note (must check skirt)
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
i can't believe i have not blogged in a month. ops, sorry. Life has certainly taken on a fuller dimension over the last wee while. its just full of good stuff, so full in fact i hardly know what to do with it all. Its just such a contrast to a few months ago that it feels like they can't be part of the same journey... somehow though they are!
Life in London is good i think, although i have not spent much time here thus far. I am loving getting to know the guys on regents park, where relationships just seem to be lots of fun with few boxes or expectations. Time away from London has been good - road trips with the girls have been great. lots of prayer and cake - a great combo! Watched the film confetti while away - never laughed so hard all the way through a film, sooo funny.
Last week i was in a 24/7 prayer room in sale and have been reminded of the thing that makes me tick - just being with God, just because. Loved it - but felt the uncomfortable challenge that things should change when i return to london..... i guess i just feel a bit out of practise. Not that he counts that, i just need to rediscover that place again.
the journey with work continues - feel for the first time that i am seeing myself, in terms of position, more clearly than ever. Realising, probably slightly slowly, that i am not meant to sit in a small grey office for the rest of my life. whereas before part of me would say, oh thats just pride, now i realise it just not me. and thats ok. so as the possible oppertunities get whittled down, the space in my head to work on just sems to get bigger - i guess the phrase, nothing is impossible for God comes ino effect now. where i see me going is not anywhere i can take me - so lets jsut wait and see what doors are opened.
has anyone else noticed the SUN!!! its been shining. really, its true. Its june and I have a tan!!! (although one shoulder decided this morning to give up trying - its gone to peeling mode, boo). So i am enjoying much time in my garden and the park with friends and good icecream. Mangos are in season too which makes for many a comic moment. Yesterday i ate one for b'fast. it was ever so slightly past its best - but i did not realise this meant it would become mainly just juice. so i sat there, having peeled it v genteely, sucking it. Juice was everwhere, face, arms, floor, table.... but i just loved it. soo tasty and fun. i sat there laughing at myself trying to be all 'delicate' while just making a big mess...... a good way to start the day.
but then it rained on my bed sheets. after a day of super quick washing via sun drying, the last wash was pee-ed upon. boo.
do you ever have days where your typing is so bad, it looks like you are writing in welsh. thats me today.
Life in London is good i think, although i have not spent much time here thus far. I am loving getting to know the guys on regents park, where relationships just seem to be lots of fun with few boxes or expectations. Time away from London has been good - road trips with the girls have been great. lots of prayer and cake - a great combo! Watched the film confetti while away - never laughed so hard all the way through a film, sooo funny.
Last week i was in a 24/7 prayer room in sale and have been reminded of the thing that makes me tick - just being with God, just because. Loved it - but felt the uncomfortable challenge that things should change when i return to london..... i guess i just feel a bit out of practise. Not that he counts that, i just need to rediscover that place again.
the journey with work continues - feel for the first time that i am seeing myself, in terms of position, more clearly than ever. Realising, probably slightly slowly, that i am not meant to sit in a small grey office for the rest of my life. whereas before part of me would say, oh thats just pride, now i realise it just not me. and thats ok. so as the possible oppertunities get whittled down, the space in my head to work on just sems to get bigger - i guess the phrase, nothing is impossible for God comes ino effect now. where i see me going is not anywhere i can take me - so lets jsut wait and see what doors are opened.
has anyone else noticed the SUN!!! its been shining. really, its true. Its june and I have a tan!!! (although one shoulder decided this morning to give up trying - its gone to peeling mode, boo). So i am enjoying much time in my garden and the park with friends and good icecream. Mangos are in season too which makes for many a comic moment. Yesterday i ate one for b'fast. it was ever so slightly past its best - but i did not realise this meant it would become mainly just juice. so i sat there, having peeled it v genteely, sucking it. Juice was everwhere, face, arms, floor, table.... but i just loved it. soo tasty and fun. i sat there laughing at myself trying to be all 'delicate' while just making a big mess...... a good way to start the day.
but then it rained on my bed sheets. after a day of super quick washing via sun drying, the last wash was pee-ed upon. boo.
do you ever have days where your typing is so bad, it looks like you are writing in welsh. thats me today.
Monday, May 15, 2006
i am having such a lot of fun right now - its great. HAd quite a random week.... at started out very very boring, filling in applications and not saying anything. But then they were done and i randomly decided to go to b'ham for the 24-7 network day. lots of old and new friends, fun and a eat as much as you want chinese. thanks 24-7.
i think all the e-numbers and colouring set me off on one - so i was a bit hyper in the avo. but it was great to see people again. On saturday i slept in and hdc missed her train, ops. but then with her safely homeward, i went for an epic walk to catch up with a birthday party walking between camden and hyde park. We went along the regents canal with all this house boats. It felt like a totally different side of london, v v cute! This was then followed, after a slight bread fight, with the long walk home - but the company was great. On the way friends invited me to a last minute bbq in oxfordshire, so get home, shower and jump on the bus....
on arriving in ox, the heavens opened and we all shelter under a v large gazebo (sp??), while sitting on hay bales - fun. Met lots of fun new people and some old uni friends. Next morning after not enough sleep i get a lift back in a nice car, to go and join a tea party on the estate - much cake and tea and fake grass. a long story.....
this was then followed by a lovely mexican coming to stay, but leaving at silly o'clock to fly home. tonight the lovely Kay isstaying and on wed its beautiful anna.
It feels like life is suddenly very full and colourful. Just like i had always hoped.
i think all the e-numbers and colouring set me off on one - so i was a bit hyper in the avo. but it was great to see people again. On saturday i slept in and hdc missed her train, ops. but then with her safely homeward, i went for an epic walk to catch up with a birthday party walking between camden and hyde park. We went along the regents canal with all this house boats. It felt like a totally different side of london, v v cute! This was then followed, after a slight bread fight, with the long walk home - but the company was great. On the way friends invited me to a last minute bbq in oxfordshire, so get home, shower and jump on the bus....
on arriving in ox, the heavens opened and we all shelter under a v large gazebo (sp??), while sitting on hay bales - fun. Met lots of fun new people and some old uni friends. Next morning after not enough sleep i get a lift back in a nice car, to go and join a tea party on the estate - much cake and tea and fake grass. a long story.....
this was then followed by a lovely mexican coming to stay, but leaving at silly o'clock to fly home. tonight the lovely Kay isstaying and on wed its beautiful anna.
It feels like life is suddenly very full and colourful. Just like i had always hoped.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Noise
Reading more good books at the mo - I would suggest 'Nickel and Dimed' by Barbara Ehrenreich to anyone looking for a wider perspective on poverty. It is american, and so it is slightly different over here, having state welfare etc, but Polly Toynbee of the Guardian has written a british equivalent, i just don't know what the name is.
One thing i was struck by was the underreporting of this side of our society. One third of british children are born into poverty, but we are meant to be "developed'. I totally agree that the levels of poverty here are not comparable with those in the third world, which do totally deserve our attention, as we are helping to precipitate it. But in our "helping" of those people far away, are we pacifying our guilty concinence - rather than facing the challenge that our neighbours, people like us, are in dire need of help. Its easy to send of a cheque, or go on a trip to see those impacted by poverty and disease. But the challenge I face is making that a reality in my life. The good samaritan did what he could right there and then, he did not travel half way round the world to go and 'find it'.
This is not to poo poo efforts in the third world, some of my closest friend are right in there - and i want to be there to. Using all my skills and talents where ever i can.... it just happens that right now I am here and not there. So this is not a rant, more of a note to self.....
Being really challenged at the moment about the power of words. In a world which is full of spin and half truths, have we become cynical about their power and the power of truth? Can we even discern the truth when we find it, or do we chuck it out straight away. In our pleasure focused society do we easily throw away words which challenge and provoke a response, in the hope of something 'nicer'.
At the same time, am i willing to be someone who doesn't fall into the trap of speaking half truths, or talking about things which i have no idea about? Am i willing to shut up in order that the quieter voices have a chance to speak, or will it be a afront to my pride, my very precious (?) opinions, and need to be heard, if i stay quiet.
Alternatively, will i speak truth when everyne else is happy hearing lies? Am i willing to seek out painful, but lifegiving truth, rather than pacify myself with comfortable, easy falsehood.
Tricky.... i know where i want to go, but as James said, taming the tongue is tricky. or words to that effect.
So - that was nice and light hearted then wasn't it - just a bit of verbal processing.
but other than all that - life is gooooooood.
One thing i was struck by was the underreporting of this side of our society. One third of british children are born into poverty, but we are meant to be "developed'. I totally agree that the levels of poverty here are not comparable with those in the third world, which do totally deserve our attention, as we are helping to precipitate it. But in our "helping" of those people far away, are we pacifying our guilty concinence - rather than facing the challenge that our neighbours, people like us, are in dire need of help. Its easy to send of a cheque, or go on a trip to see those impacted by poverty and disease. But the challenge I face is making that a reality in my life. The good samaritan did what he could right there and then, he did not travel half way round the world to go and 'find it'.
This is not to poo poo efforts in the third world, some of my closest friend are right in there - and i want to be there to. Using all my skills and talents where ever i can.... it just happens that right now I am here and not there. So this is not a rant, more of a note to self.....
Being really challenged at the moment about the power of words. In a world which is full of spin and half truths, have we become cynical about their power and the power of truth? Can we even discern the truth when we find it, or do we chuck it out straight away. In our pleasure focused society do we easily throw away words which challenge and provoke a response, in the hope of something 'nicer'.
At the same time, am i willing to be someone who doesn't fall into the trap of speaking half truths, or talking about things which i have no idea about? Am i willing to shut up in order that the quieter voices have a chance to speak, or will it be a afront to my pride, my very precious (?) opinions, and need to be heard, if i stay quiet.
Alternatively, will i speak truth when everyne else is happy hearing lies? Am i willing to seek out painful, but lifegiving truth, rather than pacify myself with comfortable, easy falsehood.
Tricky.... i know where i want to go, but as James said, taming the tongue is tricky. or words to that effect.
So - that was nice and light hearted then wasn't it - just a bit of verbal processing.
but other than all that - life is gooooooood.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
no ducks in a row
just when you think you have everything together, God thinks that it is getting boring and decides to shake things up (but i just realised that i did ask him to, opps)....
so April is bringing with it a sense of instability (jobs, flats, and other steady pegs moving). After initial freak out I am reminded that if it as not changing i would get bored, and 2) something else more exciting is round the corner.....So perhaps instability is the wrong word. Maybe unpredictability is better.
Realising more and more what a poobum fear is - and am enjoying coming out from under it. It totally kills joy and laughter and beauty. boo to fear.
But yeah to free Ben and Jerry's - it was their birthday today and so i wandered down to the tower of london for two free scoops (strawb cheese cake and choco fudge brownie... yum). Weirdly the walk through the city is one i really like - somehow it inspires me with beauty. But then i get lost when at a crucial junction i find a camera shop and get totally distracted!
The job hunt continues, swinging from excitement and relishing the challenge to "oh my i am totally unemployable" (which is obviously not true, i just haven't yet found where i am). But i am enjoying London and learning to see its beauty and funny side... like small dogs (rats some might say) wearing jackets (why?)being walked on regents park. If the wind is blowing they just get pushed about as they try to walk in a straight line... v funny. and a good reason not to get such silly small dog. big dogs are good.
anyway, crashing on...
so in the words of Manwell ' i know nothing' about what might or might not be happening this end of the world, other than right now, life is quite good really. but the holes in my jeans are really quite indecent......
a good book - the time traveller's wife
so April is bringing with it a sense of instability (jobs, flats, and other steady pegs moving). After initial freak out I am reminded that if it as not changing i would get bored, and 2) something else more exciting is round the corner.....So perhaps instability is the wrong word. Maybe unpredictability is better.
Realising more and more what a poobum fear is - and am enjoying coming out from under it. It totally kills joy and laughter and beauty. boo to fear.
But yeah to free Ben and Jerry's - it was their birthday today and so i wandered down to the tower of london for two free scoops (strawb cheese cake and choco fudge brownie... yum). Weirdly the walk through the city is one i really like - somehow it inspires me with beauty. But then i get lost when at a crucial junction i find a camera shop and get totally distracted!
The job hunt continues, swinging from excitement and relishing the challenge to "oh my i am totally unemployable" (which is obviously not true, i just haven't yet found where i am). But i am enjoying London and learning to see its beauty and funny side... like small dogs (rats some might say) wearing jackets (why?)being walked on regents park. If the wind is blowing they just get pushed about as they try to walk in a straight line... v funny. and a good reason not to get such silly small dog. big dogs are good.
anyway, crashing on...
so in the words of Manwell ' i know nothing' about what might or might not be happening this end of the world, other than right now, life is quite good really. but the holes in my jeans are really quite indecent......
a good book - the time traveller's wife
Monday, April 03, 2006
April is here and so is spring..... hurrah for sunshine and blossom!
Having got over jet lag ( realised i become a not v nice person when tired and all out of sync.) I discovered i was back in London! But was able to see it with much more positive eyes than before vc. I have now also moved house to a place just off regents park - it sounds posh but it is still an estate with lots of bored kids in it. love 'em.
My new house is lovely and i am enjoying being a mere 25 mins walking from covent garden and all things central. I also have a garden - so bring on bbq's and smoothies this summer. please tell me there will be more sunshine....
on reflection of my time away, i do feel much better for it. I think most places, not just london, can just sit on you after a while and sometimes its good just to get away. I was fortunate that it was the oher side of the world! Vancouver is a good city - everything you need, all those wierd random little corners and quaters that make it intersting but not too spread out. with lush views of mts and the pacific too. always wonderful. lovely company (i miss you oz.), but shame about the weather. And as i am discovering with lots of journeys and travels, its not just about where you go but where you return to. If london was still the same then i was slightly different - and maybe that made all the difference.
So now i am back, in a new house in a new part of town. I am meeting new people, and walking new streets - life feels like it may well be getting better. and its not just 'cause its sunny til later! although that does help.
Sharon my housemate and i are laughing lots - esp at my attempts to ice skate and bowl (not at the same time!) - our main aim is to have muchos silliness and fun. bring it on.
Other than that I am job hunting and feeling quite inspired about the whole thing actually. Also discovering lots of random dreams that i have, are already being done! So i am hoping to go and join some of them. One in particular is exciting - a bunch of people in an old warehouse just off brick lane - rehersal space, office space and other random creative space - but a main focus of community! Bring it on.... so am helping to paint there tomorrow and meet lots of other random dreamers. what an answer to prayer!
find them at www.ragfactory.org.uk
It feels like London, The Introduction, is over.
Now begins London, Chapter 1.
bring on the london adventures!
Having got over jet lag ( realised i become a not v nice person when tired and all out of sync.) I discovered i was back in London! But was able to see it with much more positive eyes than before vc. I have now also moved house to a place just off regents park - it sounds posh but it is still an estate with lots of bored kids in it. love 'em.
My new house is lovely and i am enjoying being a mere 25 mins walking from covent garden and all things central. I also have a garden - so bring on bbq's and smoothies this summer. please tell me there will be more sunshine....
on reflection of my time away, i do feel much better for it. I think most places, not just london, can just sit on you after a while and sometimes its good just to get away. I was fortunate that it was the oher side of the world! Vancouver is a good city - everything you need, all those wierd random little corners and quaters that make it intersting but not too spread out. with lush views of mts and the pacific too. always wonderful. lovely company (i miss you oz.), but shame about the weather. And as i am discovering with lots of journeys and travels, its not just about where you go but where you return to. If london was still the same then i was slightly different - and maybe that made all the difference.
So now i am back, in a new house in a new part of town. I am meeting new people, and walking new streets - life feels like it may well be getting better. and its not just 'cause its sunny til later! although that does help.
Sharon my housemate and i are laughing lots - esp at my attempts to ice skate and bowl (not at the same time!) - our main aim is to have muchos silliness and fun. bring it on.
Other than that I am job hunting and feeling quite inspired about the whole thing actually. Also discovering lots of random dreams that i have, are already being done! So i am hoping to go and join some of them. One in particular is exciting - a bunch of people in an old warehouse just off brick lane - rehersal space, office space and other random creative space - but a main focus of community! Bring it on.... so am helping to paint there tomorrow and meet lots of other random dreamers. what an answer to prayer!
find them at www.ragfactory.org.uk
It feels like London, The Introduction, is over.
Now begins London, Chapter 1.
bring on the london adventures!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
this holiday i have (in no particular order)........
- travelled further west than ever before
- seen the pacific for the first time
- read 3 new books
- drank 4 huge cocktails (beleni's in a goldfish bowl and a french kiss!!)
- eaten new types of mexican food, and lots of it
- drank copious amounts of red wine and coffee (nothing new there!)
- skied harder and faster than ever before
- got v lost
- spent heaps of time with ozza
- had more muscle pain than at any other point in my life
- laughed hard
- dreamer bigger
.... and generally felt totally spoilt by God.
isn't he good.
- travelled further west than ever before
- seen the pacific for the first time
- read 3 new books
- drank 4 huge cocktails (beleni's in a goldfish bowl and a french kiss!!)
- eaten new types of mexican food, and lots of it
- drank copious amounts of red wine and coffee (nothing new there!)
- skied harder and faster than ever before
- got v lost
- spent heaps of time with ozza
- had more muscle pain than at any other point in my life
- laughed hard
- dreamer bigger
.... and generally felt totally spoilt by God.
isn't he good.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
great days
what can i say - have just had the best few days in ages....
went up to whistler to ski, its totally amazing up there. clear air, huge mountains and forests.... i could try and describe it but it totally would not do it justice - suffice to say God was having a good day when he made the rockies!!!!
My ski-ing was not great but soooo much fun. laughed a lot when wiping out. Enjoyed the amazing silence, pushed myself hard in terms of speed and challenging my own fear - felt so exhilerated by it all...... now i ache. all over.
I am all up for more adventures and my body goes 'on your own mate, i'm done!!" so its going to be a few days of mind over muscle pain... but it was soo worth it!!!
Ozza and i hitched back last night with a guy who had the most amazing blue eyes. we then walked over lions gate bridge for sun set, then sat on English bay looking at the stars and the sea - where else can you go from opuntain top to see level in a day!!!! on the way back we picked up a great falafel and stopped into ER for her stitchs - she had 3 from 10 days ago. A meat chopping blade... ouch! But a bit silly though, it wasn't even on or moving.... in true oz style!
so a great weekend. now i have a few days enjoying the sun of vc - it is v sunny here. yipeeee. am not even thinnking about england yet - the local beauty and body pain have got my attenion for now.
went up to whistler to ski, its totally amazing up there. clear air, huge mountains and forests.... i could try and describe it but it totally would not do it justice - suffice to say God was having a good day when he made the rockies!!!!
My ski-ing was not great but soooo much fun. laughed a lot when wiping out. Enjoyed the amazing silence, pushed myself hard in terms of speed and challenging my own fear - felt so exhilerated by it all...... now i ache. all over.
I am all up for more adventures and my body goes 'on your own mate, i'm done!!" so its going to be a few days of mind over muscle pain... but it was soo worth it!!!
Ozza and i hitched back last night with a guy who had the most amazing blue eyes. we then walked over lions gate bridge for sun set, then sat on English bay looking at the stars and the sea - where else can you go from opuntain top to see level in a day!!!! on the way back we picked up a great falafel and stopped into ER for her stitchs - she had 3 from 10 days ago. A meat chopping blade... ouch! But a bit silly though, it wasn't even on or moving.... in true oz style!
so a great weekend. now i have a few days enjoying the sun of vc - it is v sunny here. yipeeee. am not even thinnking about england yet - the local beauty and body pain have got my attenion for now.
Friday, March 17, 2006
hobbling
today felt truely felt like a holiday - i was noticebly more chilled than the last few.... horrah!
The sun has come out, which is great, but most of the mounts are still in clouds. but the water and bits of hill that i can see from the roof, look amazing in the light. Not doing much, just hanging out and hobbling everywhere... somehow, and i have no idea how, i hurt the arches in my foot, so its seriously sore to walk. but its kinda good - an exercise in slowing right down. not so good a am meant to be ski-ing tom - so out with the tigerbalm and on with the prayer!!!
Remembering that north americans only tend to eat carbs and MEAT!!! (what would atkins say).... and it feels like they nly serve tea to be polite, but not because they like it! SO bring on some fresh fruit. saying that though i went to grenville island market yesterday - its great and huge and i would sooo shop there if i lioved here. its got loads of diff stuff, all local and from the farmers - so there wal mart!
Being over here is also showing me what an english person i am (the good and bad). but also that somehow i have allowed it to seep into my relationship with God. He is many things - but a polite english gent is not one of them (although, for the picky of you out there He does have traits found in a polite english man...)
I find myself craving, to His relief i suspect, a real relationship with Him. Not something oh so polite and english - but real and raw and if needs be, noisey, messy and rude!!! So far its been a bit scary but refreshing all the same.
As i discovered afresh thihs morning, and in the words of bridget jones diary (the film) - He loves me, just the way I am.... even if that means stinking of tiger balm ( as i currently am) and eating way too many muffins - cause they are v good over here....
other than all that life is good. ozza is well but looking forward to getting out of here and her job. We are enjoying many glasses of fine red wine and just catching up..... sometimes its just better face to face.
today the roof garden - tomorrow the mountains!!!!!
The sun has come out, which is great, but most of the mounts are still in clouds. but the water and bits of hill that i can see from the roof, look amazing in the light. Not doing much, just hanging out and hobbling everywhere... somehow, and i have no idea how, i hurt the arches in my foot, so its seriously sore to walk. but its kinda good - an exercise in slowing right down. not so good a am meant to be ski-ing tom - so out with the tigerbalm and on with the prayer!!!
Remembering that north americans only tend to eat carbs and MEAT!!! (what would atkins say).... and it feels like they nly serve tea to be polite, but not because they like it! SO bring on some fresh fruit. saying that though i went to grenville island market yesterday - its great and huge and i would sooo shop there if i lioved here. its got loads of diff stuff, all local and from the farmers - so there wal mart!
Being over here is also showing me what an english person i am (the good and bad). but also that somehow i have allowed it to seep into my relationship with God. He is many things - but a polite english gent is not one of them (although, for the picky of you out there He does have traits found in a polite english man...)
I find myself craving, to His relief i suspect, a real relationship with Him. Not something oh so polite and english - but real and raw and if needs be, noisey, messy and rude!!! So far its been a bit scary but refreshing all the same.
As i discovered afresh thihs morning, and in the words of bridget jones diary (the film) - He loves me, just the way I am.... even if that means stinking of tiger balm ( as i currently am) and eating way too many muffins - cause they are v good over here....
other than all that life is good. ozza is well but looking forward to getting out of here and her job. We are enjoying many glasses of fine red wine and just catching up..... sometimes its just better face to face.
today the roof garden - tomorrow the mountains!!!!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
hols in the rain
so i have inherited the 'twitchy traveller syndrome' from my dad - give yourself at least 3 times the amount of prep time before travel in order that you don't miss your plane - but are left waiting for agggggggessssss!!!
so packed my bag and room on monday morning - with lots of time to spare. then caught the plane to vancouver..... yipeee. but who should be getting on the plane at the same time as me - the one and only Colin Firth!!!! I stood 5 feet from Mr Darcy!!
I am not normally a celeb spotter - in fact the whole idea of it is a bit wierd to me..... but knowing that quite so many of my friends fully appreicated the bbc addaption of P and P - i figured you would all be exicted by this rare spotting! I also saw ant and dec on the way back from Manchester - but bothered!
So Vancouver is mostly rainy!!!! there rae mountains, so i have been told... but they are currently hiding behind said rain clouds. But if its raining here then its snowing in Whistler - where i shall be heading on fri night for a day of pure bliss - ski-ing!! oh my i just can't wait!!!
Ozza and i are eating like kings and drinking lots of lovely redwine - happy days!! while she works I wonder about, generally getting lost and soaked in the huge forest which to hard canadians is just a small park. today though i am just staying in a bit longer til the rain has passed its worst!!
Manchester this weekend was great - lots of firm friends all in one place. I realise now that when i was there i totally took for granted the amazing gift that was my life there. I spent sunday cooking and chatting with 2 friends - haven't done that for ages. really missed it - felt sooooo loved after! But made me realsie what an exceptional time i had there - being able to do that all the time - its just not possible so much in london. or here in VC according to ozza.....
so we are both missing life in manchester but defo looking forward to the next thing. for oz is brazil, for me - london?? but different i hope. we shall see. for now its mainly muffins and hot chocolate, even though it feels warmer here than england....
so packed my bag and room on monday morning - with lots of time to spare. then caught the plane to vancouver..... yipeee. but who should be getting on the plane at the same time as me - the one and only Colin Firth!!!! I stood 5 feet from Mr Darcy!!
I am not normally a celeb spotter - in fact the whole idea of it is a bit wierd to me..... but knowing that quite so many of my friends fully appreicated the bbc addaption of P and P - i figured you would all be exicted by this rare spotting! I also saw ant and dec on the way back from Manchester - but bothered!
So Vancouver is mostly rainy!!!! there rae mountains, so i have been told... but they are currently hiding behind said rain clouds. But if its raining here then its snowing in Whistler - where i shall be heading on fri night for a day of pure bliss - ski-ing!! oh my i just can't wait!!!
Ozza and i are eating like kings and drinking lots of lovely redwine - happy days!! while she works I wonder about, generally getting lost and soaked in the huge forest which to hard canadians is just a small park. today though i am just staying in a bit longer til the rain has passed its worst!!
Manchester this weekend was great - lots of firm friends all in one place. I realise now that when i was there i totally took for granted the amazing gift that was my life there. I spent sunday cooking and chatting with 2 friends - haven't done that for ages. really missed it - felt sooooo loved after! But made me realsie what an exceptional time i had there - being able to do that all the time - its just not possible so much in london. or here in VC according to ozza.....
so we are both missing life in manchester but defo looking forward to the next thing. for oz is brazil, for me - london?? but different i hope. we shall see. for now its mainly muffins and hot chocolate, even though it feels warmer here than england....
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
so realised that i have spent the last few weeks in a worry induced fog..... totally not good. wrecks my perspective and peace, joy and general fun-ness. boo to worry.
but - i had a lady bird in my bedroom. totally surprised me and then i got totally lost watching it... it was like a little 4x4 going over my bobbly carpet. so cute, and v condusive to all round sense of well being and peace.
but why are they called lady birds? and not lady bugs?? perhaps the namer thought it was more polite or something. i wonder how the male lady birds feel about it?
maybe i need to get out more....
booked travel insurance, beginning to get v excited about general holiday vibe. although i do have to sqeeze my bedroom into a few boxes over the next two days..... but with the airport and oria waiting i think i'll manage!!!
but - i had a lady bird in my bedroom. totally surprised me and then i got totally lost watching it... it was like a little 4x4 going over my bobbly carpet. so cute, and v condusive to all round sense of well being and peace.
but why are they called lady birds? and not lady bugs?? perhaps the namer thought it was more polite or something. i wonder how the male lady birds feel about it?
maybe i need to get out more....
booked travel insurance, beginning to get v excited about general holiday vibe. although i do have to sqeeze my bedroom into a few boxes over the next two days..... but with the airport and oria waiting i think i'll manage!!!
Monday, March 06, 2006
you know its been a long time when....
there is a layer of dust on your camera bag and you have no idea where you put your charcoals.....
after what can only be described as a heavy week i had a great weekend starting with wagga mamma's with jude, south bank with my camera and great light, hanging out with zanna, walking through parks and eating pizza with hatts....
great.
guitar playing going well, now have 6 cords.... still confused about the right hand rythmn thing, but no doubt i have my own style in this!
london is cold but with a dissapointing lack of snow - 5 flakes on last count! but no doubt vancouver will have more - whistler for sure. oh my - skiing. really can't wait......
but before that manchester and baby josh's dedication... horay. haven't seen those guys for ages. but missing the global family who seem quite far away at the mo.... thinking of y'all xxxx
there is a layer of dust on your camera bag and you have no idea where you put your charcoals.....
after what can only be described as a heavy week i had a great weekend starting with wagga mamma's with jude, south bank with my camera and great light, hanging out with zanna, walking through parks and eating pizza with hatts....
great.
guitar playing going well, now have 6 cords.... still confused about the right hand rythmn thing, but no doubt i have my own style in this!
london is cold but with a dissapointing lack of snow - 5 flakes on last count! but no doubt vancouver will have more - whistler for sure. oh my - skiing. really can't wait......
but before that manchester and baby josh's dedication... horay. haven't seen those guys for ages. but missing the global family who seem quite far away at the mo.... thinking of y'all xxxx
Thursday, March 02, 2006
so since i last wrote things have been a bit busy...
Helped out at soundcheck, SPEAK's national conference. it was great to get back into the speak family, and realsie just how much i love it and how much i believe in what they do, even if i am not the conference type. But seeing old friends and making new ones,while hearing some amazing people wrestle with the issues of power and the church.... great. a real chllenge. why should we, the church be looking to have power when the v guy we worship gave all his up in order to win after all.....
a paradox i just don't understand.
since then i have had two batches of pancakes (!!!) v scrummy, walked down the banks of the thames - really pretty, and been given tickets to go on holiday- to VANCOVER!!! so i am off to see the lovely ozza, who i miss heaps!!! horray for random God provision - who ever said he was stingy!!
So amlifting my eyes to what is coming, feel like a new thing is about to unfold,interms of work and vision. Am moving soon hopefully, and feel like after a few months of being introduced to London, i will soon be right in there, living life more fully than i am now.
Boiler stuff is going well, family being built. Am continuing to drink large volumes of tea and talk lots with jude - but feel that its a good time. in fact today we discussed that some of the most 'kingdom' things we have ever done have been while drinking a cup of tea. the stuff we think is great history shaping stuff is maybe not so important in this bonkers upside down kingdom that we are trying to find/build/usher in or someting.....
other than that life is good, if not v v cold. am loving the guitar at the mo - just a great new creative medium for me. and ejoying dreaming, without London squishing all thoughts of a different life.
a new month...... a new view.... and hopefully a bit more sun, cause i'm cold!
Helped out at soundcheck, SPEAK's national conference. it was great to get back into the speak family, and realsie just how much i love it and how much i believe in what they do, even if i am not the conference type. But seeing old friends and making new ones,while hearing some amazing people wrestle with the issues of power and the church.... great. a real chllenge. why should we, the church be looking to have power when the v guy we worship gave all his up in order to win after all.....
a paradox i just don't understand.
since then i have had two batches of pancakes (!!!) v scrummy, walked down the banks of the thames - really pretty, and been given tickets to go on holiday- to VANCOVER!!! so i am off to see the lovely ozza, who i miss heaps!!! horray for random God provision - who ever said he was stingy!!
So amlifting my eyes to what is coming, feel like a new thing is about to unfold,interms of work and vision. Am moving soon hopefully, and feel like after a few months of being introduced to London, i will soon be right in there, living life more fully than i am now.
Boiler stuff is going well, family being built. Am continuing to drink large volumes of tea and talk lots with jude - but feel that its a good time. in fact today we discussed that some of the most 'kingdom' things we have ever done have been while drinking a cup of tea. the stuff we think is great history shaping stuff is maybe not so important in this bonkers upside down kingdom that we are trying to find/build/usher in or someting.....
other than that life is good, if not v v cold. am loving the guitar at the mo - just a great new creative medium for me. and ejoying dreaming, without London squishing all thoughts of a different life.
a new month...... a new view.... and hopefully a bit more sun, cause i'm cold!
Friday, February 10, 2006
runied tea....
So got some new housemates this week -but we are not getting on well. They smell, use my room when I am in it, eat little corners off my food and scare us all - not my normal choice.
But i didn't have any - they invaded us. We have mice!!! urghhhhh
found one this week red handed. Was coming home after a long day when i thought i would have tea, crumpets and cake - a winner combo. As i open the bread bin i notice little bits of foil by my nice foil wrapped, italien cake. On opneing it i see that it has in fact been nibbled on by the little bliters. So i sigh i go for the crumpets..... only to discover they too have been munched on. A perfect tea time in ruins!!!
So as i stand there and have a well earned sulk, i notice from the back of the bread bin two little black eyes peering out at me - the little thief is still in the bread bin!!! I didn't quite know what to do - shout at it in righteous, cake stolen rage, or scream and run a mile, 'cause well its a mouse and they scare me!!
So i did a combination - of screaming, and slamming down the front of said bread bin in frustration and anger. That showed him!! Well not really - now i was in said kitchen with a mouse still able to eat my cake and crumpets in my bread bin. Oh the injustcie of it all!!! So my house mate (a welcome one) and i decide to take action - by taking the breadbin and emptying it out onto the street in the hope the mouse will follow. Its not my normal way of things, emptying out bread and crumpets onto an urban street, but thats how they do rubbish here in hackney, and it does in fact get removed, which is a tribute to our council!
ANyway - we troop downstairs, and onto our strret. With the bread bin open, i chuck the contents out. As i do so, the slide door thing on the bin slams down, and i disocver to my horror that the uninvited guest is left there dangling by his tail, trapped in the breadbin door!!! At this poiunt i scream in a oh this is just horrid sort of way, drop the bin and give a bit of a shudder. Thew mouse runs away round the corner - no doubt straight back into the house, and the whole street stops to stare at the white girl who is screaming at bread!
If i had any street cred it would be gone by now. i don't so im not worried!
since then no mouse has been seen - they have perhaps taken pity on me and decided not to tourment me any more. But they should know that it is now war - you eat my crumpets, and you cross a line!
in the words of winston churchill - we will fight them on the breadbins, we will fight them in the kitchen corners...
perhaps i'm taking this too far. maybe i just need to get out, of london that is!!! Am off to oxford this wekend to see good old friends from uni, can't wait. fresh air and fun... nice!
and it finally seems that spring has sprung - still cold, but now sunny and not that awful grey hanging everywhere!
But i didn't have any - they invaded us. We have mice!!! urghhhhh
found one this week red handed. Was coming home after a long day when i thought i would have tea, crumpets and cake - a winner combo. As i open the bread bin i notice little bits of foil by my nice foil wrapped, italien cake. On opneing it i see that it has in fact been nibbled on by the little bliters. So i sigh i go for the crumpets..... only to discover they too have been munched on. A perfect tea time in ruins!!!
So as i stand there and have a well earned sulk, i notice from the back of the bread bin two little black eyes peering out at me - the little thief is still in the bread bin!!! I didn't quite know what to do - shout at it in righteous, cake stolen rage, or scream and run a mile, 'cause well its a mouse and they scare me!!
So i did a combination - of screaming, and slamming down the front of said bread bin in frustration and anger. That showed him!! Well not really - now i was in said kitchen with a mouse still able to eat my cake and crumpets in my bread bin. Oh the injustcie of it all!!! So my house mate (a welcome one) and i decide to take action - by taking the breadbin and emptying it out onto the street in the hope the mouse will follow. Its not my normal way of things, emptying out bread and crumpets onto an urban street, but thats how they do rubbish here in hackney, and it does in fact get removed, which is a tribute to our council!
ANyway - we troop downstairs, and onto our strret. With the bread bin open, i chuck the contents out. As i do so, the slide door thing on the bin slams down, and i disocver to my horror that the uninvited guest is left there dangling by his tail, trapped in the breadbin door!!! At this poiunt i scream in a oh this is just horrid sort of way, drop the bin and give a bit of a shudder. Thew mouse runs away round the corner - no doubt straight back into the house, and the whole street stops to stare at the white girl who is screaming at bread!
If i had any street cred it would be gone by now. i don't so im not worried!
since then no mouse has been seen - they have perhaps taken pity on me and decided not to tourment me any more. But they should know that it is now war - you eat my crumpets, and you cross a line!
in the words of winston churchill - we will fight them on the breadbins, we will fight them in the kitchen corners...
perhaps i'm taking this too far. maybe i just need to get out, of london that is!!! Am off to oxford this wekend to see good old friends from uni, can't wait. fresh air and fun... nice!
and it finally seems that spring has sprung - still cold, but now sunny and not that awful grey hanging everywhere!
Monday, January 30, 2006
Anonimous amoung a heavy throng,
The forgotten and never seen
Theirs is the side street
Strewn with rubbish
Theirs the rotten park bench.
Not so the rich
With regents street
And oxford circus
Ever seen faces in venues plenty.
With two pennies between them
And a long walk home
Despair creeps in
Laying heavy hands
On stooping shoulders
Why hold a head high
When there is nothing to look for
Nothing coming on the horizon
Coppers are only found
At your feet
And even these tokens
Of light relief
Taste like gravel
In your parched mouth
They serve only as a reminder
Of your bitter position
The reality you facee
Of paving slab
And the frozen bites of wind
Light relief though
To those shedding weight
Of loose change and heavy conscience
Ever aware of your horrid state
They try to forget their own
throught world dulled senses
Paralysed by fear
And safe little cacoons
They limp past you
Expressing rigid helplessness
UNable to free themselves
From such binding comfort
They resist reaching out
Lest they come face to face
With themselves.
The forgotten and never seen
Theirs is the side street
Strewn with rubbish
Theirs the rotten park bench.
Not so the rich
With regents street
And oxford circus
Ever seen faces in venues plenty.
With two pennies between them
And a long walk home
Despair creeps in
Laying heavy hands
On stooping shoulders
Why hold a head high
When there is nothing to look for
Nothing coming on the horizon
Coppers are only found
At your feet
And even these tokens
Of light relief
Taste like gravel
In your parched mouth
They serve only as a reminder
Of your bitter position
The reality you facee
Of paving slab
And the frozen bites of wind
Light relief though
To those shedding weight
Of loose change and heavy conscience
Ever aware of your horrid state
They try to forget their own
throught world dulled senses
Paralysed by fear
And safe little cacoons
They limp past you
Expressing rigid helplessness
UNable to free themselves
From such binding comfort
They resist reaching out
Lest they come face to face
With themselves.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
buses
i love them... they never fail top surprise or entertain me. Yesterday some kids broke open a stink bomb just as they got off the bus, in rush hour, leaving the rest of us to breathe in slightly rotten air. SOme of us found it quite funny, but the more serious minded thought it v immature - thats right, but they are Kids!!!!
another one this week had a not nice pong from a slight puddle of baby vom. so everyone out and cram onto the next one! a few days ago though, at quite an early hour of the morning, one guy was left asleep by his friend... so no doubt ended by in watford or somewhere, rather than at home in his bed! But people tend to talk more at 2am then 2 pm..... funny that you can spend so many hours of your life with random people and never talk to them. seems a bit rude.... oh how we love the british reserve!!
learning to play the guitar, even wrote a song today... but now my fingers really hurt and i have had to stop. boo. but i am surprised i never did it before, feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to do.
found an amazing house just off brick lane (london equiv of curry mile) that we would love to make a bit of a community house.
so am currently dreaming lots. and dreaming bigger.....
another one this week had a not nice pong from a slight puddle of baby vom. so everyone out and cram onto the next one! a few days ago though, at quite an early hour of the morning, one guy was left asleep by his friend... so no doubt ended by in watford or somewhere, rather than at home in his bed! But people tend to talk more at 2am then 2 pm..... funny that you can spend so many hours of your life with random people and never talk to them. seems a bit rude.... oh how we love the british reserve!!
learning to play the guitar, even wrote a song today... but now my fingers really hurt and i have had to stop. boo. but i am surprised i never did it before, feels like the most natural thing in the world for me to do.
found an amazing house just off brick lane (london equiv of curry mile) that we would love to make a bit of a community house.
so am currently dreaming lots. and dreaming bigger.....
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
went to sleep last night and then woke up again this morning (usual i know) with the thought - dream bigger!!!
and so i shall....
a big lush, community, boiler, many roomed, huge kitchened house perhaps
a job, but bigger than i am seeing at the mo...
note to self - there are no limits to God, other than those we chose to put on Him!
and so i shall....
a big lush, community, boiler, many roomed, huge kitchened house perhaps
a job, but bigger than i am seeing at the mo...
note to self - there are no limits to God, other than those we chose to put on Him!
Monday, January 23, 2006
this week...
so its ben an interesting week....
last weekend was one long chill time with hatts inc a great film, good food and lots of laughs.
There was then the setting off of the fire alarm in the boiler - pork kebabs! This would have been ok if it wasn't for the office upstairs working, or the fire brigade NOT coming, till we called them saying "don't come", at which point they have to!! Oh dear. But they were lovely and, well fire men!!!! ohhh.
Met up with an good firned from Manchester - always good. Had a phone crisis, not good. only then for the Lord to interviene in His timing - always good. if not a touch confusing at times!
Friday night was contempary dance - not me i might add. I just watched the performance. Was v cool... esp the one about violence against women. v v powerful!
Saturday was chilling with g and c
sunday was more chilling with friends and then going home with a huge bunch of flowers - left overs from a party! They are lush.
In all this has been the on-going 'find a job, career, life thing'..... which has been hard and frustrating at times. But more importantly than that I know there is something about knowing me in Him which He is doing.... which is way more important for now. Everything else will no doubt follow - but what would be the point if it wasn't going to Glofiy Him? and someone once said I most Gloify God when He is most Alive in Me!
So i think i am just finding out what that actually means.....
last weekend was one long chill time with hatts inc a great film, good food and lots of laughs.
There was then the setting off of the fire alarm in the boiler - pork kebabs! This would have been ok if it wasn't for the office upstairs working, or the fire brigade NOT coming, till we called them saying "don't come", at which point they have to!! Oh dear. But they were lovely and, well fire men!!!! ohhh.
Met up with an good firned from Manchester - always good. Had a phone crisis, not good. only then for the Lord to interviene in His timing - always good. if not a touch confusing at times!
Friday night was contempary dance - not me i might add. I just watched the performance. Was v cool... esp the one about violence against women. v v powerful!
Saturday was chilling with g and c
sunday was more chilling with friends and then going home with a huge bunch of flowers - left overs from a party! They are lush.
In all this has been the on-going 'find a job, career, life thing'..... which has been hard and frustrating at times. But more importantly than that I know there is something about knowing me in Him which He is doing.... which is way more important for now. Everything else will no doubt follow - but what would be the point if it wasn't going to Glofiy Him? and someone once said I most Gloify God when He is most Alive in Me!
So i think i am just finding out what that actually means.....
Monday, January 16, 2006
Dreams and reality
the dream - to somehow speak into global structures, in a constructive way, and call for justice....
the reality - there are mice in our house!!! oh and i live on a street called the murder mile (please don't tell my mum!)
so life is beginning to be filled with dreams. they are still quite shaky, and v out of focus but the are there none the less. now i just need to find a road to start to walk there....
London, other than its sky (perpetual grey), continues to give life in multi-colour and surround sound (not always good i might add!!). am loving finding the new creative side of me. well not new, just v well hidden. and really enjoying meeting new poeple and laughing v hard.
Job hunting continues
East london is v cool, although there is a real violence in the streets here (well in the spirit anyway) that i have not totally learnt to deal with yet. But at the same point i am beginning to see why..... the desperate poverty and harshness of reality here - not exactly the 1st world eutopia!!! But in the midst of it all generous community and pushing on through whatever.....
Its just such a contrast from the streets of Kensington and other such lovely places!! Not sure which one i prefer - maybe neither. maybe just something else.
But life is Good and am learning heaps at the mo....
currently reading - in Priase of Slow. v good.
the reality - there are mice in our house!!! oh and i live on a street called the murder mile (please don't tell my mum!)
so life is beginning to be filled with dreams. they are still quite shaky, and v out of focus but the are there none the less. now i just need to find a road to start to walk there....
London, other than its sky (perpetual grey), continues to give life in multi-colour and surround sound (not always good i might add!!). am loving finding the new creative side of me. well not new, just v well hidden. and really enjoying meeting new poeple and laughing v hard.
Job hunting continues
East london is v cool, although there is a real violence in the streets here (well in the spirit anyway) that i have not totally learnt to deal with yet. But at the same point i am beginning to see why..... the desperate poverty and harshness of reality here - not exactly the 1st world eutopia!!! But in the midst of it all generous community and pushing on through whatever.....
Its just such a contrast from the streets of Kensington and other such lovely places!! Not sure which one i prefer - maybe neither. maybe just something else.
But life is Good and am learning heaps at the mo....
currently reading - in Priase of Slow. v good.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Little presents
Last night i was lying in bed and just trying to let my mind calm down from the days busy-ness, when i became aware that for some reason the main road next to my house became still and silent. So for the first time in days i just lay there listening to nothing, it was amazing, like taking a deep deep drink....
Been doing more exploring and getting lost and things recently. The city is quite amazing (in the shocking sense) at points, esp the square mile. the east side of the city sits next to the borough of tower hamlets. As we walked the boundry between the two i was just shocked at such a contrast - beautufil marble offices and expensive bollards next to tenaments, boarded up buildings and one of the poorest neighbourhoods in London. The richest square mile in the world next to the most deprived, urban dwellings to be found.
THis is the sort of stuff you expect to see in the middle east or the third world - but bobbins, we are meant to be one of the wealthiest nations on earth!! Someone, can't recall who but they were very good, once said that a measure of a nation is how they treat their poor. So we suck.
I have no idea how, but know that the poor is one of the main reasons i am here. but it is increasingly grabbing hold of my heart as i walk around.
oh and i am hopefully soon to start working for a cleaning company. Why climb a ladder when the people i want to meet can't even reach the bottom rung, but are stuck in the pit of minimum wage.
Been doing more exploring and getting lost and things recently. The city is quite amazing (in the shocking sense) at points, esp the square mile. the east side of the city sits next to the borough of tower hamlets. As we walked the boundry between the two i was just shocked at such a contrast - beautufil marble offices and expensive bollards next to tenaments, boarded up buildings and one of the poorest neighbourhoods in London. The richest square mile in the world next to the most deprived, urban dwellings to be found.
THis is the sort of stuff you expect to see in the middle east or the third world - but bobbins, we are meant to be one of the wealthiest nations on earth!! Someone, can't recall who but they were very good, once said that a measure of a nation is how they treat their poor. So we suck.
I have no idea how, but know that the poor is one of the main reasons i am here. but it is increasingly grabbing hold of my heart as i walk around.
oh and i am hopefully soon to start working for a cleaning company. Why climb a ladder when the people i want to meet can't even reach the bottom rung, but are stuck in the pit of minimum wage.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
2006
Happy 2006 everyone...... had a chilled new year in the hills. loved it, although the local killer cows did put me on edge a little. haha. can't quite work out if i am a townie (ie being scared of farm animals and struggling with large wooden gates), or a country girl (who crosses roads without looking and can't understand why so many people live so far from something green.)
perhaps i just belong in the subburbs.... arhggggg noooooo.
crashing on...
So been trying to think of top 5 of 2005, could think of a few
1. being in New York, they let me into the UN!!! how bonkers is that!
2. claire and george's wedding, tissues please.
3. the little kitchen in blair road with ben and drago
.... other than that i realised that the highlights of 2005 where not ness what i did or where i went, but the people i was with and the friendships that developed from it. So thanks heaps for being part of my journey, its been bonkers so far and i look forward to more craziness this year.
I am seriously happy at the mo but not entirely sure why. Hope has totally appeared in an unsurpressiable balloon inside me, bringing unexpected joy with it. Just realising that God totally loves me and that it brings total freedom. Am also excited about the open doors in London...
so i am seriously looking forward to 2006.
not much else to report. ALthough have discovered a new liking of ironing.....
perhaps i just belong in the subburbs.... arhggggg noooooo.
crashing on...
So been trying to think of top 5 of 2005, could think of a few
1. being in New York, they let me into the UN!!! how bonkers is that!
2. claire and george's wedding, tissues please.
3. the little kitchen in blair road with ben and drago
.... other than that i realised that the highlights of 2005 where not ness what i did or where i went, but the people i was with and the friendships that developed from it. So thanks heaps for being part of my journey, its been bonkers so far and i look forward to more craziness this year.
I am seriously happy at the mo but not entirely sure why. Hope has totally appeared in an unsurpressiable balloon inside me, bringing unexpected joy with it. Just realising that God totally loves me and that it brings total freedom. Am also excited about the open doors in London...
so i am seriously looking forward to 2006.
not much else to report. ALthough have discovered a new liking of ironing.....
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